[kala83]

the girl that I was currently dating and I have gone our separate ways, the problem with this situation is that It was very much a polyamorus relationship so I broke up with her as well as her husband and his partners as well as hers.

but she apparently is still talking to my friends and people I am interested in dating and saying things about me.

I try to be truthful when people ask me what is going on, the problem is that I can be a compulsive lair about things at times. I am trying very, very hard to stop my bad habits and my addictions and I am making progress.

But because I have made mistakes with these things, its hard for me to get away from my past.

and for people to forget about what I have done to them before.

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by kala83

the girl that I was currently dating and I have gone our separate ways, the problem with this situation is that It was very much a polyamorus relationship so I broke up with her as well as her husband and his partners as well as hers.

Why did your separating from the girl cause such a cascade of breakups? I am slowly reading up on polyamory so I am not particularly well-versed in the subject matter, but it seems odd that one breakup would cause such a chain reaction.

[shezbut]

I take it that your ex-gf is talking "smack" about you, which is what hurts? Did you two break up on decent terms or was it a hurtful break-up to begin with?

You could try contacting her, and being honest about how you're feeling. Of course, that's risky. She may not be real sympathetic towards your perspective. Is there a way to smooth things over between you and her, yet still keep your emotional/sexual space between one another? Or is it "all or nothing"?

I hope that you're able to get this mis-communication resolved soon. Best wishes to you!

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by kala83

the girl that I was currently dating and I have gone our separate ways, the problem with this situation is that It was very much a polyamorus relationship so I broke up with her as well as her husband and his partners as well as hers.

but she apparently is still talking to my friends and people I am interested in dating and saying things about me.

my understanding is that polyamory is mostly about open communications, compassion, honesty, and other such great things ... so she should not be saying bad things about you... can you call her on it?

Originally Posted by kala83

the girl that I was currently dating and I have gone our separate ways, the problem with this situation is that It was very much a polyamorus relationship so I broke up with her as well as her husband and his partners as well as hers.

but she apparently is still talking to my friends and people I am interested in dating and saying things about me.

I try to be truthful when people ask me what is going on, the problem is that I can be a compulsive lair about things at times. I am trying very, very hard to stop my bad habits and my addictions and I am making progress.

But because I have made mistakes with these things, its hard for me to get away from my past.

and for people to forget about what I have done to them before.

you remind me a lot of me. I used to do tons of bad things like teasing and calling other people names and then it all came back to haunt me. though this is not related to what you're going through, people have spread all kinds of malicious things about me. I can understand you totally.

As for your addictions, talk to a good friend about it or someone you can trust.

[SideCrow]

I'm sorry.

I know it doesn't sound like a comfort, but you have a relationship with you, and you are coming clean to yourself. You are fine, just as you are. The lies and addictions are not *you.* They are tagalongs, feeding off of you but not part of you. Keep working to let them fall away. Your past does not exist anymore. Your future does not exist either. All that exists i s t h i s m o m e n t a s y o u a r e r e a d i ng. Even as you remember your damaging past, it does not matter, because you have a version of it and anyone who was involved has 30 different versions floating in their heads about why what happened happened. These versions will never come together as facts or excuses...so the solution is that you accept and forgive yourself. You know better, so do better. You slip, so stand. You are not working for perfection. You are working to breathe honestly, with love for yourself and the world from this moment to the next. That's all. And when you feel tempted toward the behavior you do not want to repeat, try something wild: do the exact opposite. You want to sneak around and make your ex and her friends sorry they are talking about you? Take a breath. Now in your bravest voice...tell them you understand and will always be grateful for your time together and thank them for helping you grow. If they can talk smack about you after that, let them have at it. But there won't be much to say, and although it will feel painful for a bit, your heart will be rebooted.

[kala83]

she borke up with hr and I thoght it was under civil circumsstance but then she turned around and said things about me that I never said....to friends and people I have feelings for.

I fall in love very easily and she knows this...and I guess she might have mis understood a situation with a close friend of mine. For right now I am just deciding that being single and ONLy persuing friendship with people the best thing for me right now.