[TaraLeeOM]

My daughter is 25 and lives at home. She sometimes sleeps at her boyfriend's. They've been dating for about 3 months. He is 25 also. He treats her spectacularly....he takes her to dinner several times a week, brings her to his family outings, comes to our home and behaves respectfully to my husband and me. My husband likes him.

Bu, hubby always makes a fuss when my daughter says she's sleeping over at "Jim's". He says she's cheapening herself. I think he feels he needs to say that as a father. He is otherwise a gentle, loving father. What makes men act this way when it comes to their daughters?

[Jannaku]

Over protective father syndrome coupled with old fashioned values. That's all. His intentions are good though. We allowed our daughters boyfriend to sleep over here in our house. Figured we would rather know where they are than worry about where they could be. At the end of the day its all about sex isn't it? That's what he's really talking about and he just wants to preserve his daughters dignity and reputation.

[TaraLeeOM]

Yes, I do get that. But at the end of the day, his comments only end up hurting. I ask him would he rather she lie and/or end up moving out of our home, perhaps before she's ready? He just kind of shuts down when I say that. Guess he just can't entertain the thought of her having sex. Well, I always say daughters are men's payback for the indiscretions of their youth.

[Perna]

I think it is hard on your husband with his daughter sleeping under his roof but being taken care of by another man. Usually one has one or the other? It sounds pretty natural to me. I think at some point your daughter will be all grown up and commit to herself and/or her boyfriend/husband/other and get on with her own life and the conflict will disappear and your husband will be missing her :-)

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by TaraLeeOM

My daughter is 25 and lives at home. She sometimes sleeps at her boyfriend's. They've been dating for about 3 months. He is 25 also. He treats her spectacularly....he takes her to dinner several times a week, brings her to his family outings, comes to our home and behaves respectfully to my husband and me. My husband likes him.

Bu, hubby always makes a fuss when my daughter says she's sleeping over at "Jim's". He says she's cheapening herself. I think he feels he needs to say that as a father. He is otherwise a gentle, loving father. What makes men act this way when it comes to their daughters?

I have been on the receiving end of something like this, but not quite, coming from my maternal grandfather (he died many years ago). My grandmother said that he was this way about this two daughters as well, when they were young.

I am convinced that it is a form of expressing their sexual desire for the daughter(s)/granddaughters, which has been suppressed from their consciousness. Yes, such people are otherwise gentle and loving, and would never act against their daughter(s)/granddaughter(s) sexually.

My father did commit minor SA against me when I was a teen, so he did act. Not exactly that type; but he, too, was irrationally peeved when a would-be boyfriend of mine (not even a boyfriend at that time) slept over - without me, in an otherwise empty apartment where my father happened in the morning and saw him sleeping - so my father expressed displeasure on a visceral level. He was not into old fashioned values. It is just that some fathers and grandfathers get jealous.

So when he says that she is cheapening herself, he is simply being possessive, jealous, and vulnerable. He is not being protective. It looks like protectiveness, but is not protectiveness.