[excelsior]

I have posted about my former relationship before. Sorry about being here again, you guys: I'm slowly but surely getting over not having her in my life, but there's just one aspect of my breakup I can't wrap my head around.

My ex and I were together for 2.5 years, 1.5 of which were long distance. We planned to get married when she came back. Unfortunately during the time she was away, I got really ill very suddenly and was ultimately diagnosed with bipolar disorder. Right after I told her, the contact between us started to wane to nothing and yup, as I suspected, official breakup (by text, ugh) about a month later.

I had to initiate the breakup conversation because the silence was driving me nuts, but she was the one that definitively said yes, she wanted this to end, but she still wanted to be friends blah blah blah (haven't heard much from her since).

Although and I wouldn't want a relationship to continue with someone who doesn't want to be with me because that's just stupid, I just think it's super cold to go from giving off a definite and planned "I'm ready to say in sickness and in health" vibe to a "wait, you're now actually sick? In that case see ya!" vibe really quickly and that's the headspinning part I can't get past.

I've got great friends, great family, great doctors, and my meds are going okay if a bit side effect-y so I'm actually pretty blessed in life just now despite bipolar. That one thing keeps bugging me though and though I'm not ready to date again, I wonder: will every woman I meet be repelled by this illness to the point where it's a dealbreaker?

Anyone ever dealt with being dumped due to their diagnosis?

[hamster-bamster]

Re-read King Lear to regain happiness. It addresses your issue.

If this is not clear, I will explain. But in the general the situation is from King Lear, and you should rejoice that she broke up with you.

[Benetduncan]

Sounds like you're well rid of her. What an awful way to act!

No, it's not normal what she did. I mean it happens. I can see you've been told to read King Lear... which I get.

But when something similar to your story happened to me, I was told to read "The Metamorphosis" by Kafka. That for me was a revelation!

Best of luck!

How awful for you that she acted that way. You deserve someone who can at least be upfront and honest - what decent human being dumps someone by text? I wouldn't necessarily blame your bipolar either - you say you were with each other longer being long distance, maybe this person decided that after a year they're just not the live-in type? It does happen. Not everyone likes relationships certain ways. I guess my point would be that there could be numerous reasons why she broke up with you but it sounds like she was a bit of a flake and anything like you being sick etc was too much like hard work for someone who wasn't really 100% committed anyway. As for your question about the future, if your bipolar is being handled well then there is no reason for you to be unable to date like anyone else - no one's perfect and if you meet the right person they should only want to be there for YOU. I agree there probably will be low points and the relationship may well come under strain but most relationships experience that for one reason or another. If you're committed to doing the best by yourself i'm sure other's will be the same towards you. Relax, have fun and don't let being bipolar define who you are. Good luck.

I was diagnosed with cancer 11 years ago and my fella dumped me the day after. I know it hurts! But... he shouldn't be with me because he felt sorry and if he didn't have it in him to support me then he made the right decision. If you do not have an understanding or supportive partner, then you're much better without them because I think they can do more harm than good.

And no.. I don't think every woman will be repelled by your diagnosis - it's just some people are stronger and deeper than your ex. Being bipolar is only a part of you, you've a lot more to you than your illness. As Spokette says, don't let it define you.

Hugs

[winter4me]

Spockette is wise.

[Perna]

Since she was away when you got sick, it probably seemed "sudden" to her and I don't know what your symptoms were but they can be pretty scary to those who are clueless. I think someone now, getting to know you in person better or more familiar with bipolar disorder might not be as afraid of what is to come?

I don't know that many, especially younger people, really think about the words of the marriage ceremony (many being anxious to write their own vows that may/may not even include those words) very seriously.

Even my husband, a year or so after we were married we were riding in the car and an ad came on the radio for a steamy romance murder mystery novel, "He promised her X, Y, and Z but gave her A, B, and C. . ." and my husband turned to me and asked, "When we married did I promise you anything?" and I had to gently remind him of his vows? (the traditional ones).

[excelsior]

Thanks, everyone, for your insightful words. They've been a great help.

In the end, it's just totally jarring and a little shellshocking to go from lots of communication, contact and plan making to a sudden illness, a diagnosis, then "see ya!" -- I don't think I'll ever completely understand, but I don't think it matters whether I do understand or not at this point anyway.

I agree that when it came down to it (and maybe before, I don't think I'll ever know) she wasn't invested enough to go through this with me and that's all that's really important in this situation to help me move on. Thank you, everyone, for helping me to see this with more clarity -- and for reminding me of a couple books I haven't read in years that I really should have a look at again

Thanks once again, everyone, for responding so carefully and thoughtfully!

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by excelsior

I don't think I'll ever completely understand, but I don't think it matters whether I do understand or not at this point anyway.

Precisely. It is not your calling in life to understand the complexities of her psyche and the web of factors/motivation/assumptions etc. that led her to break up with you.

You have better things to do with your life.