[NameUser]

I am having a very very hard time right now.

Five years ago I met and married the most wonderful man I ever met. I have been in a deep depression for a few years. I thought God had sent him to me. He took care of me so well. We built a life together and had plans for the future. After two bad marriages full of lying and cheating, my new husband was completely honest, very religious and tried to help those in need. He helped me with my relationships with my parents which were strained and my two grown daughters that lived hours away.

I have been in therapy and on medication. I have felt suicidal off and on for the last five years but not for a few weeks. I was doing better actually.

My 20 year old daughter got into trouble for shoplifting. After getting kicked out of her home, we brought her to stay with us and get her life together. I was so happy. We could help my daughter get a job and learn to cope with her life better.

We got back home late Thursday night after a 4 hour (one-way) trip and went to sleep. My husband wanted my daughter to feel accepted as a way of connecting us with her. We let her smoke and she drank a beer (her usual behavior but not ours). Friday, we get up and husband says he is going to the office and Rachel is going with him. We had talked about her possibly getting a job there. I enjoyed a beautiful day watching the rain on the lake feeling that things were finally getting good in my life. Over the past few years I had lost my faith in God. My husband was very religious and had done a lot to help me with my faith. That day, I thought I might have found my faith in God again.

When they came back a few hours later, my daughter told me she needed to talk to me. We went upstairs and she said "Your husband just tried to rape me". In total shock I asked what happened. She said that my husband had stopped to buy some liquor and they were at the office drinking. My husband kept giving her more to drink then told her he would give her a massage. Then he said he would give her a better massage and suddenly pulled down her pants and underwear. She jumped up and said WTF and no way. She played normal until he brought her back to the house then she told me.

He denied pulling down her pants but said "can someone pull down someone else's pants if they don't want you to?". I packed everything I had and she and I left to drive back to her old home.

I am stuck between the pain and guilt of what happened to my daughter and my broken heart of losing my life and this man I thought I loved and knew.

My girls are trying to keep an eye on me at all times. They know of my psychological past. They fear what I might do to myself. I'm trying not to let myself go to dark places in my mind. I have pain medicine I am taking for the heartache and know I can't continue to do so.

Can anyone help in anyway?

lost

[LiteraryLark]

That's an awful thing to have happened, and I know you feel terrible. I am so sorry.

I would have had some doubts over this until you mentioned what your husband said - it sounds deeply aggressive to suggest that someone would have to be lucky to escape his determination and strength over them. How involved were you with your daughter's life before she came to you if you don't mind me asking? I still believe despite all odds that this probably did happen, even if someone is deeply troubled it takes a lot to reward the help and support they're given with lies and potential damage to something they have no right to destroy. Do you think family therapy for you and both your daughter's might be of help? It's important your daughter gets as much professional support for this incident as well as the recent difficulties and if your other daughter comes along too she can also express her concerns for you both and work through them in a productive and caring environment. I hope you also continue to receive the help you need - now more than ever your meds and therapy (if you're receiving either) will play a big part in allowing you to come to terms with the loss of your relationship and the violation against your daughter. I hope you continue to love, care and be there for each other. Family is the most important thing right now. I wish all of you the very best.

[RoseBee]

Report this to the police, or give your daughter the option. She is looking after and taking care of you, but she has to have some psychological issues going on after something like that. You and her both need to seek therapy for your own good. If she's getting in trouble, there is underlying issue there.

This isn't easy for anyone, but sometimes we see people for what we want to see them to the extent that we can't see anything but the good or choose to believe anything but the good. I know you loved him, but I think you are more mourning the life you had with him. You did it once with his help, now you have a model to build on to recreate it with your daughters or another relationship.

You mentioned you are religious. Go to a church with a high population of singles in your age group to find friends and support. Maybe even a date when you are ready.

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by RoseBee

Report this to the police, or give your daughter the option. She is looking after and taking care of you, but she has to have some psychological issues going on after something like that. You and her both need to seek therapy for your own good.

This is a very important point. Your daughter is now being called upon to support her mother, and, is being stellar in giving her mother the requisite support, but she also has her own needs.

[hamster-bamster]

NB:

you posted (identical posts) twice, probably by accident. I am alerting the moderators to that so that they can consolidate your two threads into one. I am doing it for your convenience - it is easier to have one thread going rather than two.

Just letting you know.

[NameUser]

My youngest daughter (the one this happened to) went to live with her older sister about 4 years ago. Like I said it was about 4 hours away from where I lived. I had wanted her to come live with my husband and I but she did not want to and chose to stay with her father then moved in with her sister.

We have kept in touch but not much visiting. Both my girls have made their lives in their city and at their age have not had a lot of time for Mom of which I don't blame them.

Since this happened they are both very protective of me for the first time. They want me to be an important part of their lives now.

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by NameUser

My youngest daughter (the one this happened to) went to live with her older sister about 4 years ago. Like I said it was about 4 hours away from where I lived. I had wanted her to come live with my husband and I but she did not want to and chose to stay with her father then moved in with her sister.

We have kept in touch but not much visiting. Both my girls have made their lives in their city and at their age have not had a lot of time for Mom of which I don't blame them.

Since this happened they are both very protective of me for the first time. They want me to be an important part of their lives now.

All of that seems normal and reassuring. That they do not have a lot of time for Mom is age-appropriate for them. It is also reassuring - that means that their social skills are fine and they have been able to build a network of friends using those social skills.

That you do not blame them for not having enough time for Mom is also very reassuring, as this means that you are strong and independent.

That they want you to be an important part of their lives now is extremely reassuring.

So, a lot of things are in good working order in your life! It is not all crisis and negative things happening.