There is this person at my school that makes me feel like a back up friend. This person only talks to me when no one else is around and if they see someone else they like better, I don't exist to them. I know the difference between an acquaintance and a friend who is fake and trying to use me. This person does nothing but complain about her boyfriend, the people she lives with, and only talks about herself. She also tries to ask for money a lot and does not ask about how I'm doing or anyone else is doing. She even admitted to me that she only talks to me out of boredom. Several people at my school are like this and I've decided to avoid these kinds of people. When I refuse to be their back up company while they are alone, they get really mad, don't know what makes the do this and what I might be doing to cause them to act this way towards me.

[RoseBee]

Do you hang out with people who are like you or just anyone in general?

The reason I ask: I have a lot of people to whom I am the "back up friend." The friend you call when everyone else is busy or out of town. I don't mind this because I use them for the same thing. Those are people I just hang out with....they are people I met because I am friendly and hang out with anyone in general.

I have my friends who are like me and like the same things. They are my best friends and the ones I call for everything. In college, my backup friends were girls from my sorority. I don't have any real friends from my pool of sorority sisters. My real friends came from people I met in classes or in the library when I noticed they were watching anime on their laptops while taking a study break.

If all you have are "back up friends", then you need to find people like you to have a best friend, then the back up friends won't bother you so much.

Originally Posted by RoseBee

Do you hang out with people who are like you or just anyone in general?

The reason I ask: I have a lot of people to whom I am the "back up friend." The friend you call when everyone else is busy or out of town. I don't mind this because I use them for the same thing. Those are people I just hang out with....they are people I met because I am friendly and hang out with anyone in general.

I have my friends who are like me and like the same things. They are my best friends and the ones I call for everything. In college, my backup friends were girls from my sorority. I don't have any real friends from my pool of sorority sisters. My real friends came from people I met in classes or in the library when I noticed they were watching anime on their laptops while taking a study break.

If all you have are "back up friends", then you need to find people like you to have a best friend, then the back up friends won't bother you so much.

Makes sense. I don't have any real friends, just acquaintances so this could be part of the problem.

[RoseBee]

Originally Posted by LR15

Makes sense. I don't have any real friends, just acquaintances so this could be part of the problem.

What are things you love or are passionate about? Join a meetup from meetup.com, volunteer with a group doing something you care about, or join a church with people your age who share your interests.

[Jannaku]

There's a lot of people out there like what you are describing. I am a mature person and still have to deal with these sorts of people. I have so called friends that only socialize when there is nothing better in the diaries. I don't consider them to be friends at all, they are merely acquaintances and enjoyable company at that level and nothing more. Take them for what they are and don't worry too much. Good friends are hard to find and most people do not have more than a handful of them. I am confident that you will find some true friends. Congratulations on having the insight to see the situation for what it is. That is amazing and a gift that will serve you well in your life. All the best x

Originally Posted by Jannaku

There's a lot of people out there like what you are describing. I am a mature person and still have to deal with these sorts of people. I have so called friends that only socialize when there is nothing better in the diaries. I don't consider them to be friends at all, they are merely acquaintances and enjoyable company at that level and nothing more. Take them for what they are and don't worry too much. Good friends are hard to find and most people do not have more than a handful of them. I am confident that you will find some true friends. Congratulations on having the insight to see the situation for what it is. That is amazing and a gift that will serve you well in your life. All the best x

Thank you, it totally agree, they are just mere acquaintances. In some ways I actually don't mind if they come and talk to me, as long as they are nice people and they don't treat me like crap whenever they see others that they like better. Like, a conversation a few minutes before class is fine, but if you are around others one minute and treat me poorly then the next you come to talk to me because you are alone, that is unacceptable. Thank you, yeah I see things for how they are, most people in life are acquaintances, and most people either don't realize that or don't want to accept that they really only have 2-3 true friends.

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by LR15

Thank you, it totally agree, they are just mere acquaintances. In some ways I actually don't mind if they come and talk to me, as long as they are nice people and they don't treat me like crap whenever they see others that they like better. Like, a conversation a few minutes before class is fine, but if you are around others one minute and treat me poorly then the next you come to talk to me because you are alone, that is unacceptable. Thank you, yeah I see things for how they are, most people in life are acquaintances, and most people either don't realize that or don't want to accept that they really only have 2-3 true friends.

well done.

Words are important and how you think of your life in words (in your mind) is important, too.

When you call them acquaintances, you automatically lower your expectations. Once you have lowered your expectations, you find yourself not minding being on the receiving end of occasional small talk from them as long as they are civil (the bold part above).

But if you think of them as friends, then your expectations are HIGH, and occasional small talk, by failing to meet those HIGH expectations, serves to disappoint and hurt you.

Originally Posted by hamster-bamster

well done.

Words are important and how you think of your life in words (in your mind) is important, too.

When you call them acquaintances, you automatically lower your expectations. Once you have lowered your expectations, you find yourself not minding being on the receiving end of occasional small talk from them as long as they are civil (the bold part above).

But if you think of them as friends, then your expectations are HIGH, and occasional small talk, by failing to meet those HIGH expectations, serves to disappoint and hurt you.

Yep, makes perfect sense. Yeah the problem now is that I have people coming up to talk to me and being hostile, like being real rude, not a lot of people, just a few. Those are the ones I am trying to stay away from, the acquaintances who are nice and civil, I don't mind them.