[Jasmina]

Over a year ago, I met a guy through friends. We liked one another and there was undeniable attraction. In the beginning he'd tease me about being his wife - which I thought was ridiculous, but fun. We planned trips with other couples we were friends with, and went several places together out of town. Of course we became sexually involved. We weren't exclusive. It was never said. But I knew I wasn't the only one. I'd see women "FB friends" who would flirt with him. He was pretty cool about it and never outwardly flirted back. However, the tone of the comments were flirtatious. I would use his actions as indicators that I was more important to him than the others. For instance, he introduced me to his sister. He stressed in the beginning of us getting to know one another, that he never brings any women around his family circle unless he's with them. We even exercised together and he would tag me on his FB page several times. I of course did the same. We've gotten closer as time has gone by and took a trip to Colorado. Which I thought meant he was serious about us. However, here's the problem: We went to Colorado for several days, just the two of us, bc he's moving there this year and looking for a job. We talked a little about having a long distance relationship. I knew from the beginning he planned on moving. I just never knew when and he wasn't sure either. This leaves me very confused. Why would he be moving but acting as if we are exclusive/serious? He is also very attached to his phone. Which made me leary. So I checked it one day. I found several text conversations he's had with other women. But one in particular stands out from the rest. He had her labeled in his contacts as, "her name + gorgeous" for example "Alexia Gorgeous". They are friends on FB and he's known her longer than me. I'm not jealous, but I know they've dated in the past and are now friends. The texts were a mixture of him telling her how much he missed her sexy lips, her needing him and conversations about him inquiring if she was doing alright after a death in her family - things suggesting he cared for her and she for him. In another text he also stated that not only would they stay in contact. But she could come visit and stay with him at his new residence. Huh? One that bothered me even more was him telling her how much he liked to have multiple partners in one day. That he likes variety and has many to choose from. He also said he can't get enough sex which is the reason he wants multiple partners. He did say that only one he had implied exclusivity. But that he never really told her in words. He didn't want to go down that road because he was moving in a few weeks. He also texted that not everybody needs to know he screws everybody and they shouldn't. He didn't want to hurt anyone or be hated. I figured he must have been talking about me. He had no problem showing his true self to her and being honest. Why hasn't he been honest with me? I'm in shock, confused and hurt. I don't know if their relationship is just sexual or something more. What is going on? Why would he act as if it was just him and me if we weren't? Then I question myself whether I should be upset or not. Since we never did say in words that we were exclusive. Help!

[RoseBee]

Exclusivity was implied, but never explicitly stated. You have every right to feel how you are feeling and are validated in that. He obviously isn't ready to change his behavior of "screwing everyone." I would ask point blank if you are exclusive or not. If he says no, then say, "Gotcha" and move on with your life if you want exclusivity. If you don't, then you have some fun waiting for you in Colorado.

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by Jasmina

He had no problem showing his true self to her and being honest. Why hasn't he been honest with me? I'm in shock, confused and hurt. I don't know if their relationship is just sexual or something more. What is going on? Why would he act as if it was just him and me if we weren't? Then I question myself whether I should be upset or not. Since we never did say in words that we were exclusive. Help!

He was honest with her and not with you because she and you had different expectations. She did not have expectations of exclusivity coming from him and you did.

The guy is being manipulative. This is why:

To the extent that he was not upfront with you because he did not want to hurt you and be hated by you (per his words sent to that gorgeous woman), he realized FULL WELL that exclusivity was implied. Otherwise he would have been honest with you.

[hamster-bamster]

PS you say you are confused - of course you would be confused since he has been sending you mixed messages that are confusing you.

[healingme4me]

Granted, exclusivity wasn't completely expressed, but when you start bringing a woman home to meet your family and tout that as a big deal, it would normally stand to reason that he was being exclusive with you!

I haven't spelt out this word in quite some time, but um....

R-U-N!!!

I am so sorry, that you ended up realizing what a butt clown he truly is!!

Hearts can mend, and right now, is a good of a start as any to helping yourself mend!!!

[kaliope]

you said he told he he didn't want to hurt anyone or be hated for his non exclusive ways. that would explain why he didn't fill you in. it sounds like you have known all along that this relationship wasn't going to pan out since he was moving. knowing his heart is not into exclusivity from what you have discovered, it is probably best to cut your losses and move on. he is not upfront and honest with you and you deserve better.

[Jannaku]

Even though you believed through actions rather than words that your relationship was exclusive it appears that it isn't (wasn't). His dishonesty is now apparent and I would suggest that you do exactly what healingme4me said - run. This guy sounds like a complete user who is only interested in satisfying his high sex drive and as such has a stock of girls that he rotates through in order to feed his own selfish needs. Don't waste time trying to analyze him because from what you have written the answers are clear. He lives for himself, is dishonest, untrustworthy and is putting his needs before everything else. Consider yourself lucky that you have realized what he is all about and although it is a tough realization to acknowledge I am glad that it happened sooner rather than later so you can move on with your life. He's off to Colorado where he will undoubtedly continue feeding his sexual needs. That's a perfect opportunity for you to recover and heal from this bad experience. All the best x