[joshuav]

I have a problem with accepting my girlfriend's past. I love this girl so much. We been through a lot. I'm a big guy but i can get easily sensitive and jealous inside. I knew this girl for 7 years. We went out for not too long. We separated paths and did our own individual things. We went through a long repeated cycle from being friends to couples to strangers. We finally reunited and our relationship has grew because we matured as human beings. Her ex boyfriend came into the picture. I have so much hatred towards that guy. To know that my girlfriend has a sexual and a bit abusive past haunts me. It gives me anxiety. I don't know what to do. I want to confess how i feel but i'm extremely scared. I might just cry. I always have concerns and worries. I always find myself hurting myself by just thinking about and going through her stuff. How can i help myself? What should i do? I hate this feeling. I never ever pictured myself in this position. I'm always assuming she's cheating on me. Did she have sexual intercourse with other men? I don't know and i hope not. All these questions come to my mind. This girl means the world to me but i haven't been myself because of her past. It gives me much anxiety. Can someone help me?

[RoseBee]

Has she given you any indication that she's been unfaithful? If not, it's your insecurity and that will drive her away. Leave the past there. It's hard to, I know, I am struggling with the same issue. When you start thinking about her sexual life with this guy, stop yourself, take a deep breath, and breathe out until you can't feel your anxiety any more. Then take the images in your head, and crumple them up and put them in the trash. Now think of all of the fun sexy times you both have had. And stop...I know once you start doing this your will wonder how your sex compares to his. Just stop. Don't worry about it..if she didn't like it she wouldn't be with you. As a girl I can tell you, as long as you do what you're told and/or listen to our bodies...sex is good. Take care of yourself, work on the root of your self esteem and insecurity issues, and focus on the good.

[growlithing]

It's okay to cry. I think you should talk to a professional about this since it is causing you so much anxiety that you are hurting yourself. Are you seeing anyone?

Being with other guys sexually doesn't mean she'll cheat on you. It just means that she's been with other guys and that can be a good thing. She's got some experience and to be honest, I think a less experienced girl is going to be more interested in doing sexual stuff with other men because it's newer and more exciting. But if she didn't like you, she wouldn't be with you. Plain and simple.

As far as telling her goes, if you two have been together for a while and you value an open and honest relationship, I think you should tell her. However, before you do, you have to recognize that there is nothing she's going to be able to do or say to take your anxieties away. She can't go back and change what she did in the past. The problem isn't her, the problem is your self esteem/anxiety/insecurities/trust issues or whatever. She can't prove her loyalty strongly enough to totally abolish all of your anxieties and expecting her to do so is unfair. If you go to her and tell her about this, I think you need to be open to the idea of getting help outside of the relationship to work on yourself. If you don't, your fear of her cheating will eventually destroy your relationship in all kinds of dramatic and creative ways.

[Jannaku]

It's natural to feel jealousy about someone that you love but you can't let these emotions get out of control and become obsessively destructive to your own well being. That is not healthy. Your anxieties, fears and jealousy are most likely due to your own insecurities. If you really love your girlfriend it shouldn't matter about what has happened in her past because she is with you now. The past is history so focus on now and don't allow these feelings to interfere with your current relationship. If you are finding them difficult to cope with I would suggest some therapy to help you deal with these feelings. All the best.

[cherrychiild]

Originally Posted by joshuav

I have a problem with accepting my girlfriend's past. I love this girl so much. We been through a lot. I'm a big guy but i can get easily sensitive and jealous inside. I knew this girl for 7 years. We went out for not too long. We separated paths and did our own individual things. We went through a long repeated cycle from being friends to couples to strangers. We finally reunited and our relationship has grew because we matured as human beings. Her ex boyfriend came into the picture. I have so much hatred towards that guy. To know that my girlfriend has a sexual and a bit abusive past haunts me. It gives me anxiety. I don't know what to do. I want to confess how i feel but i'm extremely scared. I might just cry. I always have concerns and worries. I always find myself hurting myself by just thinking about and going through her stuff. How can i help myself? What should i do? I hate this feeling. I never ever pictured myself in this position. I'm always assuming she's cheating on me. Did she have sexual intercourse with other men? I don't know and i hope not. All these questions come to my mind. This girl means the world to me but i haven't been myself because of her past. It gives me much anxiety. Can someone help me?

I know your battle hun, and really the only thing that will make things right ( doesnt mean better) is to talk to her. Communication is the best thing for anyone

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by joshuav

I have a problem with accepting my girlfriend's past.

The most radical and thus effective approach to your problem is to realize that you do not have to accept her past. She has not requested your approval of her past. Her past is just that - a neutral and unchangeable record... history.

Just leave it alone as is. You do not need to accept it. Or, handle it. It is not your responsibility.