Experience With Someone With These Traits?

What would you say about someone with these traits? I've had the unfortunate experience of having to deal with someone like this over the last 12 years. They've had me in their "crosshairs" this long. From day one, they wouldn't face me, or deal with me or even acknowledge me except to the extent that they could undermine me or cause problems for me. I'm just curious for other opinions because, none of this makes sense to my mind.

• Extremely controlling, they must be the person to initiate it, otherwise, they undermine it and trash it.
• Appear to be extremely jealous as they discount everything about me and even trash everything I like. They don't just come out and say it directly, rather they are extremely controlled and very subtle about it. At the right opportunity they would say... oh why would someone do that... those kinds of things don't matter etc.... I think I'm perceived as the threat.. I guess. I can't reason it any other way.
• They really believe in their mind that how they would handle something is superior. Basically that they are superior.
• Extremely judgmental.
• They feel entitled to be treated a certain way regardless.
• They constantly accuse me of the very thing they are doing TO me. Meanwhile I am clueless.
• For 12 years, I can't recall one time that they took responsibility for anything that has happened. It's basically always someone else's fault.

Has anyone dealt with someone like this before? I'm stuck in a situation in which I have to deal with this person a few times a year, but during those times, it is almost hell.

Don't let them get to you, that is what they are trying to do, could you say something like, and what is this for? you can't bring me down with you.or is this necessary? Hope all goes well!!

I'm sorry you are stuck with this kind of person. However, having to deal with them only a few times a year is better than having to deal with them every day right? I think reminding yourself of that will help you to get through the time you spend with them. I would also suggest "yessing" them to death. No matter what they say agree they are right. Voicing your own opinions with someone like this is fruitless. Save your opinions until they are gone. I know that's not easy to do but you might try it to protect your own sanity.

I guess I'm trying to understand if these traits, which are pretty prominent, is and indication that I'm dealing with some sort of personality disorder? Maybe a mixture of NPD and BPD? I'm not sure, I'm just trying to figure out how to reason this madness so I quit taking it personal.

Sounds like my stepmother; people like that are anxious/insecure, have to "control" their surroundings and people in it, are pretty rigid and have to have things the way they and their mind have set them up/imagine them to be. Lots of rules.

It's not about you, it's about them. If you are on their turf and they're in charge, just do things their way for that period of time. Remember who you are and what you like and how you want to run your life and just feel sorry for them, that they are held captive by their lives instead of free to live them.

The word you are looking for starts with a p, ends with an h and contains a y. OR it starts with an n, ends with a t and contains three Ss. They are very good at being completely different people when they are in the public eye. Did you ever think a banker, politician or chief executive never had any of those traits???

I can tell you that you need to get out.

My mom and younger brother fit all of those traits that you've listed. And then some.

Through a lot of reading.. I've sorta concluded to myself that they're both narcissists.

I keep minimal/superficial contact with my mom. My younger brother? I have no contact with him aside from when I go to physically see the rest of my family. Then he often shows up and it's never good. I try to keep it VERY superficial in topic and will not be in a room alone with him.

I've worked for many years now with a woman who sounds like your description of this person, Barx. We are both teachers, she is in the room next door to mine, on the same team, and I have had to deal with her daily. The only positive to having to be around such a person daily is that I have learned to dismiss her quirks and insults, and now I'm immune. I also feel kind of sorry for her. There certainly is a narcissistic element to such people. Each time I'd try to engage her in a conversation on any topic other than herself, she would cut me off, yet she would expect me, and everyone, to listen spellbound while she recites ad nauseum boring stuff about herself...always herself. You would think after years of this, she would start to think about how she relates to people, how judgmental she is, how self-centered, but NO...and so one learns to just let her opinions, judgments and long self-centered monologues go unacknowledged. I still lack the rudeness to just cut her off (as she does me), or walk away (as she also does). The good thing is I'm retiring and won't have to be around her anymore, but, as I said...I've learned to just let it roll of my back and not be victimized by such a rude person. I hope you can adopt this attitude.

Thanks for the responses. I internally struggle with why, after all of these years and after all of their malice attacks on me, that I still allow it to bother me. A few of my closest friends know what I'm dealing with and they are still wondering why I can't just let it all just "roll" off my back and pay no attention to the malice spewed my way... And honestly, I can't understand it either. Most of the time, I'm fine and not letting it get to me until something happens or if I make a conscience effort to think about them and what they've done/say to/about me. I really have a hard time because I just don't have it in me to treat someone so awful (although I can certainly stand my ground when I'm provoked) and I'm certainly not above considering other peoples opinions and I try not to judge anyone. I am open minded to whatever I guess, so to be different only puzzles me.

Thanks... It's good to just be able to vent sometimes.