[Manny123]

I can't even go to an extended family BBQ without my boyfriend parents putting me down, tells us she wants us to break up, says I am no good for her boy, I need counselling, I need to stay out of my boyfriends life and theirs. HELP I love my boyfriend but he was abused as a kid and is afraid to stand up to them.

[hamster-bamster]

This is very difficult.

You should stop all associating with them.

they put you down and he cannot stop them from putting you down, so you should stop associating with them, cold turkey and no compromises.

And then either your boyfriend grows up, or he does not, but you cannot force him to grow up.

If he wants to see you, he will have to come over or go out with you - no meetings on "their turf". If he cannot go out with you because his parents do not allow him, you just need a different boyfriend who would be more independent and mature (does not have to be older, but just more of a self made man).

Very sorry to hear that!

[Perna]

Are you all living together or something? I don't know that anything can change if your boyfriend is willing to take you to such events, knowing what is going to happen? Why do you agree to go to places where his mother will be? Like hamster-bamster says, your boyfriend has to grow up and take responsibility for himself. It was/is selfish of him to ask you to go to the family BBQ.

[healingme4me]

Your bf's mom, doesn't need to say these things to you.

Your bf, doesn't need to subject you to such things.

You, don't need to be present in a place that is hostile to you. You may not need therapy in the here and now, but may, very well, need it if you remain in such a family dynamic.

[yellowfrog268]

OOOh, I can empathize with this. Dealt with something similar with my ex husband's family.
Aside from the effect it is having on you, it must be affecting your boyfriend as well. It must be tough being caught in the middle between you and his family. Have the two of you discussed the issue at all?