[lonelyparent]

Hello everyone,

Im new to this website and the reason why I joined is because I need help and advise. Im 3 months pregnant and have been with my boyfriend for 5 years now, our relationship was never the best we constantly argued and can never seem to get along. He would be good to me one day the next day he would turn into a monster. I thought it was just a phase and I was thinking that he would one day change and thats why i never left him . 5 years into the relationship I got pregnant and our relationship is still the same. Last night he left one of his emails open and I saw things that he still had from his past like naked pics of his ex girlfriend and conversations they use to have. This girlfriend was someone he really loved in the past and reason why I know is because he told me when we first met. I confronted him about it and he lied and said he never knew it was there , but I knew he was lying because he downloaded one of the attachments to our computer a year back and didnt realize it was saved. I never knew were the attachment came from and when I asked him a year back he came up with a lie, now I know exactly were it came from so he basically lied to me and I dont know what to do. Im pregnant and I feel like the reason why we never had a good relationship was because he couldnt let go of his past. I need advise on how to handle this situation. I dont know if he really loves me and I dont know if I want to start a family with someone who I cant trust. Please give me advise..

[NWgirl2013]

I hope you don't live together, though it sounds like you do. Being in a bad relationship is not a good place to start a family, as you already suspect.

Relationships/commitment/marriage are really (really) hard, even if everyone is truthful and trustworthy. You sound terribly unhappy & he sounds terribly manipulative and controlling. The hot/cold behavior is a HUGE Red Flag, & very hard for you to be even/level/balanced with that going on all the time. Especially now.
This will probably not change, just so you know, and may only get worse. His particular kind of mean seems to be a personality trait & directed at you. I'd get out of the way & move on.
That you say you are not sure of his love or commitment, makes me think...run. You are worth more than the trashy treatment you are receiving, and it is up to you to protect your child from it too.

You can raise a child, and it may be the best thing you ever do, but this man will be a part of the equation in one way or another, as the biological father. How much?... is up to you.

Option two? Try to get some counselling, alone & together, if he will agree you both need it. And you do need it if you both want this bad enough. If he doesn't want to do this, I think, you have your answer.

I am glad you found this site. There are many wonderful, supportive people here.

Best to you as you make some hard decisions ....

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by lonelyparent

Hello everyone,

Im new to this website and the reason why I joined is because I need help and advise. Im 3 months pregnant and have been with my boyfriend for 5 years now, our relationship was never the best we constantly argued and can never seem to get along. He would be good to me one day the next day he would turn into a monster. I thought it was just a phase and I was thinking that he would one day change and thats why i never left him

You have 5 years worth of data. He won't change.

Depending upon your preferences, either leave him and have an abortion if that is not too late in your state, or leave him and have a baby and deal with him with regards to child support and visitation only.

Next time, do not wait for 5 years. Figure out if the guy is OK earlier.