[christine65]

I am new here so please bare with me a moment. I am 48 years old been with the same man for 4 years. Just recently moved in with him for the second time the end of June 2013. First time i lived with him was about 2 years ago and it was for only 2 weeks then i left.

So here we are two years later and i'm still with the same brutal man. I brought my two kids 17 & 16 years old to come here to live with my boyfriend. Not that it matters but he is Asian I am white.

On my birthday June 21 I was fired from my job. My boss was a **** anyways, playing games and so on but thats ok moving was a huge enough deal for me and the kids to deal with. I was excited about the move. When i got fired from my job i was so afraid to tell my boyfriend because it was a week before i was suppose to move in. I told his sons gf before i told him because i had to get it off my chest. Of course stupid as I was I told a 22 year old not to say anything...of course she did...to my boyfriends daughter...who then approached me on the matter...my bf had no idea what was going on when he came in the house and seen the 3 of us fighting like cats and dogs....I apologized to his daugher because i suppose she was looking out for her dad....I honestly get that I would mine as well....we both made mends all was good. Then the big mouth who told was my biggest problem...i tried to make mends with her but she thought she was right...i had no time or use to talking to her after I tried.

My boyfriend has been angry with me says things like: I will never know why you really got fired.....You are a liar......you are nothing but a talker....and the worst part he has not spoken a nice word to me in almost 3 weeks.....

Its normal for him to get mad and not speak for several days but never this long....

For the 4 years I have been with him, he has hacked my facebook cracked into my hotmail account and now he has a router that tells him where i been and what sites i have visited....I have zero privacy.

He has never told me i was beautiful, or pretty even when i do myself up for him....he has never jsut held my hand he has never just kissed me for the kindness of it....he has never stood by me in any kind of family disagreement....we have had a few....I feel like a true outsider
yet i stay with him and he continues to tell me he does love me....ONLY if i ask him if he loves me he says YES.

I gave away all my furniture to his kids...i have nothing left....no job, no soft place to fall at night, no where to run and hide, no one to tell me its gonna be alright, and all i wanted to do was to love him and make a happy home for us all.....I am sooo sad and hurt deeply over his actions and lack of respect towards me and I am afraid to go....i'm afraid to not be with him but I have noo idea why i'm afraid...

He is very mean, i think he could be emotionally and mentally abusive...in many ways. I sometimes feel a hard kick wouldnt hurt as much as his silent treatments....

Any advice on how to make this work or to wake me up and get me out of this situation would be sooooo greatly appreciated....

many thanks for reading and responding

Christine

[Perna]

Hi, Christine, welcome to PsychCentral (PC).

I have trouble understanding why you are with this man, why you have been with him for four years instead of working on finding a job that you liked and which could support you and your children better. It does not sound like a surprise (having tried it before and only lasted 2 weeks) that living with this man would not work out?

It is all about your own priorities. That you lose your job and then are "excited" and everything is "okay". . . you can only fool yourself? Wishful thinking that something/someone which did not work before is going to get you out of another more serious problem you have with having gotten fired.

[mojo321]

Get your personal life in order. Look at yourself and try to see from your bosses point of view why he fired you. It will make you mad. But you can't let it. You need to dust yourself off, organize your clothes, your paperwork, your resume. GO GET THE NEXT JOB. When the interviewer asks why you left your last job, say "I would never speak badly about my previous employer, but I will say that my departure had nothing to do with my productivity or dependability."

You have to tread carefully at home. They will kick you out soon if you aren't careful.

You have to start detaching from these people that you are living with. Consider them a minor inconvenience that you have to deal with while you look for a new job. After you get the new job, organize your finances and move out.

Right now, you need someone to take care of you. But it doesn't have to be that way. The people taking care of you are poisonous. Tread carefully, start detaching emotionally, get a new job, then move out. They will fade into memory, and you will have a new life.

YOU CAN DO IT. Sure, you may not have all the conveniences of a big screen TV and a dishwasher or whatever. That all takes saving up over time. But what you will gain will be much greater than all of that instant material possessions. You will be free from abuse and dependence.

In my opinion.

[healingme4me]

What are you doing to get yourself into new employment?

Having no on-line freedom, is concerning. Three weeks of a silent treatment has got to be one of the longest, I have heard of, not that other's haven't received longer, but it's the longest I have ever heard of. I used to get a couple days at a time, when married.

The fact, that he's not calling you beautiful, and all those things that bf's do for their gf's, is concerning. What makes him a bf, if he isn't being loving and supportive?

How are your kids, doing, through all of this? Is there any family that you can turn to, a friend, even, temporarily to help you while you get back on your feet again?