[elviras]

where should i begin.
i have a boyfriend .we met on the internet. we became friends he wanted more but i did not trust him because i was looking for a committed relationship and he seemed like looking for something else .he was seeing someone and i met someone after we met. it did not worked for both of us.
one day when were together he made a phone call with her ex girlfriend they fighted .i adviced him to be honest with her and do whatever to get her back if he loves her.he ended it.

than after a while i decided to give us a chance .i was looking for a committed relationship but what the hell i liked him. than we start dating. we were in different cities but we become at the same city on the weekends. we were dating only weekends about like 2 3 hours.. after we start dating he seemed very little concerned about me. we weren't speaking on the phone regularly. this behaviours starts annoying me. i wanted to have nonstop communication for example speaking on the phone once a day or text messaging. he confirmed but he could not chance. this was not annoying me when we were friends but when we become lovers i wished to have a real contact.

i was also wondering about his ex girlfriend. i become suspicious because of his his fb account.there were some new friends in stupid nicknames. we weren't dating regulary and i knew very little about him and never met any of his friends.we were dating like 6 months i asked him if he was seeing someone else.and he denied. i was so suspicious had some feelings. we were so far.he was not really seemed paying attention on me. i asked he told me he loves me. i tried to broke up sometimes because of his behaviours but he never responded and accepted my decision. after a while i contacted a girl that he just added as a friend on facebook. and the girl told me that they met on the internet just like us and she told me that he really wanted to meet but she did not accept ect. than of course i told him this and broke up again and delete him on the fb ect. he did not accept that.he lied about he knew her .and i did not believe him but i thought it was one time mistake and forgived him. we become lovers again. but of course there was trust issues. he did not respond my friendship on fabebook. i tought he was hiding something again and does not want me to see. whatever when we met i asked him about why he was keeping me at a distance.his answers did not satisfied me. his phone was always muted and i decided to look at it. i looked and did not see anything bad.i felt really relaxed.than it vibrated and i looked again and i saw a skype message from a girl that says " hi can you send a video call".it was morning and weekend . so at the end. i started a fight with him. he denied of course. he told me it was his brothers ect. i dont believe him anymore...

[elviras]

i have always told him to be honest with me and i offered him my friendship if he was after something else. he might be immature. i don't judge him. i loved him and don't want to loose him but he is not behaving mature and reliable.

[elviras]

oh i liked him at the beginning. i love him. i feel him so close to me. i knew this when we first met. but this are all my feelings. the problem is i might be fooling by this guy. and i don't want to wake up and see that there was nothing good but my imagination.

[hamster-bamster]

are you still in different cities?

[elviras]

also we had very good time when we are together but he does not seems lokking for a nonstop communication when we are in different cities. this bothers me all the time.

[elviras]

yes we live in different cities at the moment.but he is living in my city on the weekends because his parents live here

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by elviras

also we had very good time when we are together but he does not seems lokking for a nonstop communication when we are in different cities. this bothers me all the time.

the easiest thing is to lower your expectations and refocus yourself onto something else. Distractions, hobbies, other friends, exercise, reading, clubs, etc. Not everybody is looking for nonstop texting while away - if you stop getting bothered by it, that would help. try to get busy with your life - IT ALWAYS IS A GOOD IDEA!

[elviras]

yes now i am focused on other things. but i knew he cheated and lied about other women. maybe he still does who knows. how about that ?

[elviras]

i am afraid to be shocked by this relationship and because of trust issues i prefer to avoid sexual relationship with him

[elviras]

i liked your idea "not to bother about relationship" .that makes me relaxed. thank you

[elviras]

how can i trust him after all lies about his connections with other girls ?

[Janae]

It sounds like he's not offering the kind of commitment you need. If you're sure he lied to you, why stick around? Have some self-respect and don't let anyone treat you badly.

What else can you do with your life that would bring you happiness? More education? Creative hobbies? Something?

[elviras]

i think you are right .he does not seem to offer me anything i want deeply. he does not have to. he has denied that he lied to me and he wishes to try again. i don't believe that really but i think he needs me... i just want to stay in a position to him like a friend. i don't want to hurt him and myself. i don't want to loose someone i care about. it seems like ocd i think. i am not sure. i think this is how i try to say ok i loved you and you loved me but we don't seem like we wish same things in a relationship.

[~Christina]

If he is a liar why would you even want him as a friend ? Why does he "need" you? Why are you allowing someone to disrespect you like this?

[elviras]

i think he does not want to loose me this is why he lies. i think he has some issues. like addiction or something. i am not sure of that. i just don't have any real proof that he cheated on me. it is a sense with little proofs. so i want to keep distance and keep him as a friend .

[elviras]

i think it is a break up with less heartbreaks ...

[~Christina]

If he didn't want to lose you he would respect and treat you well.

Good luck on your friendship with him.

[elviras]

you are right

[Janae]

There are a lot of other fish in the sea.

You wrote, "i think he needs me" ... and that concern is co-dependency.

What do YOU need? ...and can he give you that?

[Janae]

Just want to add:

I had a boyfriend who (1) lied to me, and (2) battered me.

I ended up thinking the lying was worse than the battering.

[elviras]

hi janae .thanks for your honesty.
i have ended my ex relationships in any problems . i did not think a while. and now i see. men are not mature when i met them. maybe it would take time to grow up .i don't know. i am very understanding person and that makes him behave like a little child.sometimes he does things to make me mad . i don't know.i am not sure about lying. his answers just did not satisfied me. we have a communication problems because of the distance too. i gave him an ultimatum. we will see...

i am trying to focus on my staff right now. i am about to change my job . things does not working well for my personal life too. i have to solve my problems and after that i am going to solve relationship problems for real

[elviras]

hi . now after a month i have ended my relationship. because he did not change anything at all. he was doing the same things. if you are trying to make it works and the other person do the opposite you can not get anything from that relationship. i let it go. i am peacefull now.
thanks everyone for supporting me while i was in a bad mood.

[hamster-bamster]

that is great that you are feeling peaceful now. enjoy the rest of the summer!

[elviras]

thank you. i wish you a nice summer too