My Mom: Advice Please

So, I need to blow off some steam and get some advice about my mother. For as long as I remember my mom has always been able to ruin anything that I seem to like. For example, I grew up dancing and before any big show my mother would some how pick a fight with me. As an adult, my mom will bad mouth my job even though I am happy with it. It is a good job, exactly what I was looking for. I make good money and I am happy. She doesn't seem to notice that what she says is hurtful and she will always talk about what I need to be doing instead and not only tells me but other people too. To continue make matters even worse, my boyfriend that I have been dating for a long while now told my mom that he would like to marry me and showed her the ring. Isn't of my mom being nice about it, she off about how if I think I am getting married and when I move I am taking everything from the house including the pets. This is what she does every time I bring up moving. My boyfriend was very upset.

Now, I should mention that I am in my 30s and an only child. I do live at home and do a lot of things for my mother. However, I can only imagine the blow up when my boyfriend and I actually do get engaged. In fact it scares me.

I hoping someone can give me some advice on what you think I should do. The entire situation is tiring and becoming overwhelming. Instead of being happy I am just waiting for a big fight.

you can try communicating to her with I statements. mom, im really upset when you say negative things about my job because I am really happy there. what I would like for you is to be supportive of me.

mom, it frustrates me when you talk about me to your friends because that is my personal business. what I would like is for you to stop talking about me behind my back.

but since your mother has been doing this for so long it is doubtful she is going to listen. if you want your mom out of your business you need to stop telling her your business and move out. the less access she has to you the less she is going to be negative toward you. take care

1st of all, Congratulations! It sounds like you have so much happiness to look forward to! I am so happy you have a life that you are proud of and feel happy about.
As to your mom, ...Well, your mom is finally having to face that you are a grown up. That you have a life separate from her and that your life (and more importantly to her: Her life) is about to Really change when you get married.

She is having a hard time letting go of you, she is losing/has lost control. Of You. It sounds like you are her world, and now she is afraid of being left behind. That is why she is attaching emotion to things, pets. She is grasping for something to push your buttons with.

I think, if I were you, I would move out, before you get married. You need some separation time to establish yourself as an adult in her mind. And for yourself. Don't take much in the way of belongings, except those things that are truly your personal belongings, & gifts from her, etc. Her home should be left intact.

Besides, you and your fiance will eventually want to create a home together, choose things together that can be taken to your new home after you marry. Her things are hers.

It sounds like she is afraid you don't/won't need her anymore. But by being level, logical and non emotional, her outbursts should make your realize they are more about her than you.

Again, best wishes to you as you go forward. What an exciting time!