[ANStew]

Hi all, I'm new here and looking for some advice. I have been guardian of my nephew for 2 years, he is not quite 4 years old now. I am having trouble communication with his father about his development, behavior, needs, etc. What prompted me to seek help, is a 'conversation' through text today. The father has a long (since birth) history of refusing to use my nephews name. He exclusively refers to him as "the boy", "my boy", or "my son". I really believe that this is damaging to my nephews sense of self, having his father NEVER use his name. I have looked for research on this, but am coming up short, presumably because most parents use their childrens names at least occasionally. The conversation always ends up with the father saying nasty things, and I get fed up and stop responding.

Any advice on any aspect of this situation would be incredibly helpful. Thanks in advance!
Alex

[HeartTornOut]

That's called distancing language. He doesn't recognize his own son as a person. It's sorta like the monica situation with bill clinton, as soon as the stuff stated he refered to her as "that woman" and stuff. It's disinterest and his way of trying to ignore or reject that the child exists or is his. My question is this, why are you trying to push communication with someone who doesn't seem to want his own son? Or maybe he's trying, but it's going to take time - pushing him will only make it worse. I'll need more information to be able to help more.

[ANStew]

The father wants to have his son full time. My opinion of this is that he wants his trophy to show off. My nephew tells me that his dad won't play with him or spend time with him, and every visitation this year has consisted of the father taking my nephew to visit other family or having cousins come play. There is, as far as I can tel, no one on one time. The dad takes visitation whenever it is convenient for him. He moved 4 hours away for work, and visits on weekends. The first part of what you said really made sense, I have never heard that terminology before so I'll look into it, thank you. As far as me forcing conversation, I am required to communicate with him about visitation, health, etc. (Although he usually delegates that to his new wife). Believe me, if I could cut off contact, I would.