Sex outside marriage

Precisely!!

This is why there are relationship therapists, sex therapists, quite a market on natural solutions(seen the K-Y section lately??? omg))), doctors, etc.

Even if, by virtue of my MS, and I land in a wheelchair, god forbid...I'm telling you, I am going to find every way to make sure that I am OK.

Even if a woman loses her ovaries, and cannot use HRT((something that almost happened to me this summer, btw)), there's meds like Wellbutrin, etc, that can HELP!!

My goodness, at what point, don't a man and woman, in marriage, work through these things?!

All of a sudden you're taking the high road and playing innocent. Its obvious you hate the idea of monogamy and believe in the poly-amorous style. Believing that is fine if you want to give advice to other polyamorous people. You've bashed monogamous beliefs and compared sex to eating food. You've taken all the romance/love out of it and whittled it down to basic physical sex. If you told a polyamorous man to go find other partners, that wouldn't be insulting....but you're telling this OP to cheat., rather than be honest.

It seems you have an over simplified view of sex and an inability to understand how monogamous people feel about cheating. Have you ever spoke to person who's been devastated by cheating? Do you have the empathy to understand how they feel? You have a thread on dating frustration - are you having success with your relationships? Sex may be a simple logical act for you, but its not that way for most people. You're imposing your beliefs on us and advising a monogamous person to cheat. Are you supporting us in our beliefs? I support your right to live the polyamorous life and I don't think you're qualified to advise a monogamous person.

We also don't know why this OPer's wife doesn't seem interested in sex with him.

Sure he likes the marriage otherwise - the meals, clean clothes, tidy house....all things a maid could do. Men like this don't want to live on their own and do all those things themselves and be lonely on days when they're not pampering their penis. They also don't want to lose half of everything and its more about money than being happy in the marriage. If he wants someone else, he should be honest and let her get from another man or split.

I posted something about why she might feel the need to not fix the problem. I mean I know I would and most modern women would but some still feel the need to shy away from it. Maybe she is uncomfortable talking about it. It might make her feel less of a woman.

This has then made LarSo feel like he should take matters into his own hands, then came here looking or "like-minded" people to give him the thumbs up and pat on the back.

I don't know how much LarSo put into making her feel better but it doesn't sound like he really knows how.

You could read his other thread (of which I also put he OP in this thread)
http://forums.psychcentral.com/relat...rital-sex.html
He clearly didn't reply to anything that we wrote, instead started a new thread.
Then you'll understand why this is 'touching a nerve' as you so delightfully put it. Sure, I find affairs distasteful, but not as much as those encouraging an affair here, with the thought that it was just because he wasn't getting any and she was making the deliberate choice to withdraw sex. There's more to it than that. I wish people had had some understanding of her situation, about what she may be going through, and not preach about not doing enough to get herself fixed etc. For all we know she could be feeling terrible about this - and not once did he mention her needs.
I hope you now understand where I am coming from. I believe in being decent & honest. If that's touching a nerve, so be it!!!

riotgrrrl, I totally agree and which I didn't know of the first post. Which also we should take into account he seem un-willing or just doesn't want to hear us helping him. As for that I think it's time for me to duck out of this tread. As I haven't any idea of the problem at hand.

That's exactly, my point, on affairs!

If a man, isn't happy, he should talk to his wife. I may be of the more 'modern' age of women, HOWEVER, my stepdad's mom, told me something, from back in the 40's/50's, about how when she remarried, her abusive first husband, left her with 2 kids. Cheated. Anyways, she had pain. She spoke to her doctor. And then, she was able, from there, to go on and have three babies with a new, loving, devoted, compassionate husband.

I obviously, did not see the other thread started by the OP. I just didn't. If he cannot simply talk to his wife, whom, they must have had relations to consummate the marriage, and if she hypothetically, didn't convey what it is that troubles her, I don't know what to say.

Regardless, of generations, here. If there's a physical problem, consult a doctor.

I'm certainly, not patting him on the back. I expressly said, he needed to communicate with his wife, his concerns. If I went a little OT, as this certainly is a thought provoking thread, so be it.

If you are talking about an affair, tons of relationships have those and they are more often than not, bad news.

She did go to the docs. Did you not read the first post of the thread after all that?

And yes, I agree, this is thought provoking, very interesting. Sorry, am I allowed to talk to you?

No, I did not read the first thread. I don't have time to go back and forth, trying to track down peoples stories.

Know, what I feel, Riotgrrl? Let's let our personal bygones, remain bygones.

I feel, that it's high time for the Poster to the OP, to arrive back, HERE, on this thread, and take in all the feedback. Man up, so to speak, and resolve this thread, once and for all!!

That's what I feel What do you think?

I am a widow and I miss sex very much, and I have been offered affairs with a couple of married men. I turned them down because I could never forget how much it would hurt the wife. Also I believe for women sex has a very strong emotional connection and becoming involved with a married man would only lead to great pain in the end. You are worried about how your wife would feel. How about the women with whom you are having sex? Are they as casual about it as you seem to be?

Since this thread has gone wildly off topic and is no longer supportive of the original poster, I will be closing this thread now.