[AceHaven]

I apologize in advance if this is a long post. This is actually the first time I've talked about this recent issue in my life and I think I need to let it all out before I completely break down.

I recently had someone that I considered a good friend, someone I talked and texted with every day, tell me that I was a good friend but didn't want me to talk to her anymore. It's left me very lonely, very confused, very depressed, and very angry.

We didn't talk long. We'd only started talking in March, but we got to the point we were talking on the phone or texting every day. We don't live in the same state so it was a long distance friendship. I don't have many friends and have a tendencty to get attached to people emotionally.

She'd just broken up with her boyfriend a month prior and my last relationship was five years ago. I'm sure part of why she talked to me was out of loneliness. She'd tell me about her problems, talk about personal stuff that I wouldn't think a person would share with just anyone. She was the first to mention meeting in person, the first to call me a pet name ("baby", "sweetie", "sugar"), and the first to ever mention sex (either her sex life or with each other). I was enjoying having this friend and I thought she really liked me, or so she constantly told me by saying how important I was to her, how she never wanted to lose me, how I treated her better than anyone she'd dated ever had.

Her ex had lied to her, possibly cheated on her, wanted her to quit a job she loved. But then 2 weeks ago she sent me a text and said she was back with him. Told me that "I was a good friend", that she "wasn't my girlfriend", that she would "always chose him over anyone else", and not to reply to her.

It hurt me. I haven't been able to eat or sleep as much as normal. Everytme I try to open my mouth to talk about it, I feel myself start to break down. Of course, no one that knows me has even asked if I'm ok, even though I haven;t actually talked to anyone since.

I am taking a vacation soon but every time I try to plan it, my whole body goes into shakes and I feel like I'm falling apart.

I still want to be her friend. Which is what I wanted when we first started talking. But I feel like I must be worthless to be tossed aside in favor of someone who she said never really respected her or treated her right. I don't understand how you can break off contact with someone, especially someone you think of as a friend.

A bad part is that her birthday is next month and I actually want to get her something that I promised I'd get her back when we talked. I feel like I shouldn't want to keep being nice to her, shouldn't want to keep showing her my support. But I still want to.

I think I just needed to get that out in the air. See what anyone else thinks.

Thank you

[HeartTornOut]

Hun, she's in an abusive relationship. She was rebounding when she met you. You got yourself caught up in a bad situation. She went back to him cause she, herself, can't get out. She's the one who needs help - but it seems she doesn't want it. When they break up again, she'll probably come back to you, and this cycle will start again. You're just going to have to move on without her. Nothing good will come from this. If you push the friendship with her, her boyfriend will probably get more abusive with her - which is why she cut you out to save herself - or she thinks. It's a very complicated situation - on her end. You really can't do anything at this point. But I really do feel for you. -hug-

[turquoisesea]

I'm also sorry this happened to you. I agree with HeartTornOut.

I'm sorry =(

In a way it's a good thing this has happened so you can see the true colors and don't invest more time in this.

[gayleggg]

I have to agree with TornOutHeart, also. Don't try to continue this relationship or you will only get hurt worse. I'm sorry for you lose and know you will have to spend time grieving your lose.
Gayle

[AceHaven]

Thanks to all of you for your responses. I guess I just feel lost because I'm not good at keeping friends and, for whatever reason, losing this one has hurt more than losing someone I was actually in a romantic relationship with.

I suppose a part of me wants to protect her. Looking back at some of my old girlfriends, I tend to find myself drawn towards women in bad relationships I guess. My mother was in an abusive relationship when I was growing up and maybe that just makes me unconsciously seek out people who need help. Even though I just started talking to her to help with tech problems and didn't know anything of her relationship until after we started talking regularly.

A part of me wonders if the whole relationship was a lie or wonders what parts of it were true and what parts were lies. I know it's no good trying to solve that riddle.

[AceHaven]

I've decided to write a letter to my lost friend. She will probably never read it, but my thoughts are out there. I'm just putting in here so that someone in the world, I have spoken my thoughts.

You’re friendship is worth fighting for.
You are the kind of person everyone needs in their life. You are a friend that everyone should have a chance to experience.
You are beautiful, but the true beauty is on the inside, not the outside. You are an amazing woman and everything about you is worth knowing. You are smart, funny, charming. You love to laugh. You speak your mind. You know what you want out of life.
You like to know you put smiles of people’s faces, even though you know some of them may be smiling for the wrong reasons.
You like to look your best, but you are gorgeous just when you smile. Clothes and makeup aren’t what matter to what’s truly beautiful about you.
You know what it’s like to love and lose. You know what it’s like to be betrayed. You know the sting of loneliness. Yet you still smile for your fans.
Your dreams are worth supporting. You should not sacrifice your dreams for anything or anyone.
You have your beliefs and you have your values. Never lose those. They are part of what make you great. Ignore the haters because they don’t matter. It’s your life, your body, your world. Never change for anyone.
You should keep hiking, keep walking. You always smile more and seem happier when you’re done.
You have health problems and you may think that makes you less than a full woman. It doesn’t. It makes you the strongest woman I know.
You need no one to take care of you. You’re a strong, independent woman. And your strength is to be admired.

I don’t think you know how awesome you are. I don’t think you’ve had anyone really tell you that you are and that you actually believed when they said it. Well believe me.
I didn’t start talking to you because I wanted something from you. I don’t send you presents because I expect something in return.
I am your friend. It’s all I ever wanted. It’s all I ever hoped to be to you.

I will always consider you a friend. I will always be there when you need someone, if just to talk to.
I support you because you are worth supporting.
I respect you because you’ve earned it.
I admire you because you are someone to be admired.

Your dreams are worth pursuing. Don’t stop believing just because someone tells you ‘no’. No one can tell you what you should dream. Follow your heart.

You deserve respect, support, and love. You deserve kindness, friendship, and compassion. You deserve happiness, warmth, and companionship.

I may never hear from you again, but you will always be in my heart. You will always be a friend. You will always be important to me.