[complic8d]

I have done a really good job of isolating myself the past 2 years, down to pretty much my immediate family. I feel like I've never really known how to make friends, be a friend, and feel very socially awkward. My husband does things with the neighborhood guys and talks with everyone around here, but I have kept myself apart. I don't answer the door or the phone (unless I know who it is and am not scared to talk to whoever it is). I've been making myself go to a support group to try to learn how to be more social, it's easier when you know they are dealing with the same crap. Just a little background.

Anyway, my neighbor called and wants to have coffee or lunch this friday (she left a message, I didn't answer the phone). I know I should go, I need to stop isolating and being with others will help. But, I am a nervous wreck. She knows I've been in the hospital and some of my details, but I'm not sure how much (I need to ask my husband) I'm afraid of what to talk about, afraid of not having boundaries. I want to be open, but not scare her off. I am also afraid of being her friend, for her sake. I'm not really reliable, have a lot of down times, and don't really think I can be understood.

Enough rambling... does anyone have any suggestions for conversation, how much to reveal (like should I let her know that I feel awkward?), and ways to keep my anxiety down. This seems like a "normal person" thing, and I want to try to be "normal".

Hope this doesn't sound too stupid!

[seeker1950]

Hi, Comp,
I am much the same, preferring to isolate myself except for my teaching job.
I would not disclose anything about my insecurites. There is no need for you to do that in my opinion. Just go and let others do the work of talking and introducing themselves. Be gracious and charming and try to relax!
Love
Patty

[chiz]

Hello

I think going to your neighbor's place is an opportunity for you to start socializing. You said you need to stop isolating so keep this motivation in your mind so that you'll be more determined to overcome your problems. Also,while talking to people close to you or whom you are comfortable to talk to you can practice your conversation skills and your social skills as well.

[complic8d]

Thanks for the replies!
I just called my neighbor (took me all day to work up to it). She wasn't home so I just left a message that I would love to go to lunch and to let me know. What a nervous wreck I am. My husband says she knows all about my hospitalizations and my SI, so I guess she is accepting of me and that stuff. I just wish I didn't have such high anxiety about socializing.

[drunksunflower]

She suggested it cos she wants to hang out with you.

Don't read any more or any less into it.

Have a lovely time, and let us know how it goes

xx

[curley]

Just be yourself. Obviously, whatever your husband has told her made her decide she would like to meet you. Relax, it is only coffee or lunch...hey, you may find you really enjoy yourself!

[Milanist]

Dont focus on your anxiety, just let it be and it will effect you much less! Have a good time, its nice to have someone outside the family to talk to!

I think that youve done the right thing and shoud take advantage of the situation youve got!

[hillbunnyb]

pssssst, she might have issues too....... it's pretty esy to talk about the neighborhood, or Steve Irwin's death, or how much you like _________. Keep it simple. Lunch. One hour, maybe less if you are uncomfortable adn eat fast..... YOU CAN DO IT, and have a good time too. !!!. Put yer sea legs on, keep breathing, and just do it. OK? ))))) )compic8ted ((((((( ( (( bunny bumps to you.

[almostangela]

Every skill takes practice. This is a positive step for you and I have the same advise as everyone else here. Relax. Go without expecatations and allow what it is, to be as it is. Tell us how it went.

[complic8d]

Well, I just got back from lunch with my neighbor. It went really well. We talked a lot about our children and the schools. She did ask how I was doing, and I let her know a little about it. Now, of course, I am worried about the next time because I should be the one to invite her out. That will really take some bravery on my part, but I guess I need to try.
Thanks for the replies, advice and encouragement. I know I have friends here!

[almostangela]

WONDERFUL! Remeber for next time that your fear of all that you thought would happen, didn't happen. Remember also, how good it feels right now to have done it. If you find yourself in conflict next time, bring up those feelings to balance things out. I'm proud of you for taking this daring step forward.

I'm very much like you in the social arena. Congrats on going out to lunch & having a successful encounter with another human being! My husband has invited two couples over for dinner on Sun. night. He doesn't understand how stressful & difficult it is for me & I'm trying to be a good wife (despite his having to take me to the ER last month for an overdose). Will I ever be "normal" & able to do normal things without this amount of stress?--Suzy

[complic8d]

Thanks for the kudos!
My husband is more social and has invited ppl over. That really makes me anxious, I hate to have ppl in my house. It's so uncomfortable, but probably good for me to socialize more. I'm going to keep trying. I have been trying hard to not think about the lunch, and end up finding reasons to hate myself. It's hard.
Take care everyone.

[hillbunnyb]

you're doing great. be sure to give yerself permission to bug out into your private room if company get to be too much. little baby steps. good job.

You did great with the lunch. Someone else I think mentioned it, but this neighbor may have mental health issues herself & is trying to find a kindred soul. You have a lot to offer, regardless. Hope you have a good weekend.--Suzy

[chiz]

good to hear that! That is a good start for you. I think you need not try inviting her but you really should do invite her. This will continue your friendship with her and this could be a great help for you to develop your social skills.