[Mountainbigfishman]

I June my 2 year old was diagnosed with Type One Diabetes. It was a very traumatic event with an ambulance and days in the ICU. Since that time my marriage of 8 years has been a mess, and it keeps getting worse. No matter how hard I try to reach my Wife and shake her awake she doesn't see what is going on. We are at the edge of divorce and I don't know what to do.

I know in my heart that if we can just make it through this all will be well, but we may not make it through the darkness.

Anyone have an a clue what to do?

[lynn P.]

Welcome to PC Mountainbigfishman. Which one of you wants the divorce? Would you both be willing to get into couples counseling? I'm very sorry your child was diagnosed with Diabetes - illness certainly puts a great deal of stress on families. I hope you're both willing to work on the marriage together and capture what drew you together initially. Hope it gets better for your family.

[avlady]

That's sad about your child has to go through that, and the extra stress this is taking toll on your marriage, please try to get some counseling if your husband will agree, you need an outsider to put things in perspective and to help you deal with this, it will be a lifelong thing most likely, but diabetis can be controlled with docs help. I wish you luck and prayers!!

[hamster-bamster]

I have a friend whose middle son was diagnosed when he was in preschool. He is now a young adult and finally able to inject himself and take care of self-monitoring himself. He is a talented and socially adjusted young man whose life is not limited by his diabetes.

[TwelveHours]

What do you mean she doesn't see what's going on? Is she avoiding your child's medical issues or are you speaking of her not being able to see that your marriage is failing? Sometimes events like that can bring a family closer because it is like a wake up call and you realize just how much your loved ones mean to you. Although other times the strain of the situation and worry can cause a person to detach to the point where it's hard to come back. What have you guys tried in helping this situation?

[Sojourn]

Thank you for sharing your situation, Mountainbigfishman. Anytime a child is sick, it creates a tremendous amount of stress on the parents so it is only natural that you are both going through a process of trying to cope with things.

The thing with traumatic events is everyone reacts to them in their own way. You have managed to face this situation with a better focus than your wife for now. She is probably afraid and doesn't know how to deal with that fear in the same way you have. This creates more stress on you because you probably feel you have had to be strong for both of you and that creates an extra burden on you.

As others have mentioned, while diabetes can create serious health problems, it is very often quite manageable. That doesn't mean it's not scary, it just means that there is no reason your little one can't enjoy a healthy and happy life as long as you watch over them.

As for your marriage, you might start by asking your wife what she needs. Let her know how much you love her and how much your family means to you and you want to be there for her to make her feel secure again. I would encourage both of you to see a therapist, either individually or as a couple, to learn strategies to help you out. When two people find it difficult to communicate, to express themselves and listen carefully to each other in a meaningful way, then a counselor can become a third party to help facilitate that. While I understand that you are frustrated and because of that it may take a great effort on your part to summon the patience to care for your wife's fragility, it is certainly worth it. Not only for the both of you, but for your child who will be relying on you both. Hang in there, you can make it with a little help and some patience and understanding.

[hamster-bamster]

I would also encourage you to seek support in the form of a support group for the parents of children with diabetes, or, if none is available in your area, just a general support group for parents of children with special needs. Your wife is grieving the ideal of a perfect child she must have formed long before getting pregnant (probably back when she was playing with her dolls being a little girl). If she gets in touch with other parents who have been there done that, it might help her deal with grieving.

In my area pediatricians would be in the know about such support groups. Ask around.