[Sky911]

Been dating a guy for just a little over a year and a half. We were engaged and to be married last year but things didn't work out. He was rather shady I had a strong sense that he was unfaithfull. It was confirmed when I looked at his phone. He definitely has a weakness for women he randomly invites half naked females on FB and BBM. When I speak to him he fights he refuses to see he could ever be wrong. He has made me get rid of my social life as well as family life. We are now expecting and he wants to get married. But I somehow don't feel I love him that much anymore. Im afraid that marring him will be the biggest mistake in my life. He is a manipulator and I see this now. But something still makes me feel attached to him. Ive been in terrible abusive relationships before this so far isn't s bad. Im so caught I find myself lost and unsure what to do. Please Help ......

[Perna]

Hi, Sky, welcome to PsychCentral (PC).

It does sound like you are in a tough place. What do you picture 5 years down the road for yourself and child? Do you work or have a skill to support yourself and child with? I would not marry, would not trust this man to help and support you and your child as you have not found him to be supportive in the past. He does not sound like good "partner" material. We become attached to anyone we spend a lot of time with and it sounds like he has worked on making you more attached by getting rid of your own social life. Find your anger at his manipulation and figure out a way to move to a better "base" place so you can start building a life for yourself and child.

[gayleggg]

I agree with Perna. It's better you get out now. This guy is not husband matierial. Good luck.
Gayle

[Webgoji]

Originally Posted by Sky911

... randomly invites half naked females on FB and BBM. When I speak to him he fights he refuses to see he could ever be wrong. He has made me get rid of my social life as well as family life. We are now expecting and he wants to get married.

He's an abusive jerk and you should kick in him to ditch where he belongs. A real man would talk to you if he was unhappy and would not sneak around behind your back. An honorable man would want you to have a social life and stay in contact with your family.

You and your child will be better off without him.

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by Sky911

He has made me get rid of my social life as well as family life. We are now expecting

I can tell you for sure that you should not marry him - he has already weakened you tremendously by divesting you of your main support system - your social and family life. This is really bad - you need to get out and deal with the left-over attachment to him once you are out and free. You can get therapy to explore why you are still attached to him, etc. - you do not need to be in a relationship to get therapy for what brought you to the relationship.

If you carry to term and deliver the baby, you will need to file for support from the guy and be prepared to have him co-parent if he wants to, because it will be within his legal right to co-parent, regardless of your marital status. He might not want to, but if he does want to, you will have to contend with his presence in your child's life. I do not know whether you are considering terminating the pregnancy, so just stating the obvious to make sure you understand that one of the consequences of deciding to carry the pregnancy to term is having the guy affect your life for the next two decades.

[kirby777]

,
I agree with other posters. Abusers typically use isolation from family & friends to control you. Please contact the DV hotline for a shelter near you, when you are alone, he is not there & you are safe. They will provide you with counseling. The abuse may increase due to the fact you are pregnant (even though he says he wants to get married)...I want you to be safe & prepared.

Keep us posted!

[pinkbutterfly]

maybe he's not "as" abusive...but abusive is abusive...and guarantee that with the stress of marriage and a baby, it will escalate. They never start out "that" bad...but they always get worse.

it took me about 7 years longer than I wanted to in order to leave my abusive husband...finally made it out...and even though we still interact because we have two children together, life is MUCH better. It's hard...but better.

[wpmelane]

I could suggest to do something to find out...If you would like to know PM me.