[Gabby1987]

Me and my boyfriend of 8 months (5 of which were LDR) ended it 2 weeks ago. It was a very amicable breakup, I started NC and I am trying to heal and move on.

Something does not give me peace though and I was hoping someone here has gone through the same and could shed some light on my behavior. Me and my BF were friends for a few months before we started dating. For the first 3 weeks of the relationship, we connected and had great convos. Then we had a 2 month break and he came to visit for 1 month. I have NO idea what happened. He was the same - kind, sweet, considerate. But I noticed myself talking and sharing less during our time together. He noticed it and pointed out numerous times that "you are not talking. you should be talking." I tried. I noticed myself growing slightly tense and uneasy during meals, but I tried even though I ended up asking questions I've asked before or the convo ended up feeling forced.

Then we had 3 months of LDR which was OK since we spoke on skype 1-2 a week until the last month when we spoke everyday. We shared things, connected. Then he came to visit for another 1month and a half and things started going downhill. Other things were happening in the relationship as well, but I noticed myself feeling SO tense and uneasy before every meal! I noticed myself trying to come up with talking points way in advance so that I could avoid the silence. We had some nice talks and connected, but most of the time it was awkward silence or we would end up missing each other or get into a conflict.

So our communication suffered because of me and is one of the reasons we broke it off. I really tried but I couldn't understand why I acted the way I did and the more I tried the more tense and uneasy I felt. Isn't this stuff supposed to come naturally?? I don't get it because noone in my entire life has ever told me that I don't speak enough and need to talk. Noone. That's why it is so incomprehensible to me why I acted this way towards someone I cared about

Has anyone had any experience with this or could shed some insight? It would be so appreciated. I'd hate for it to happen in another relationship. Thank you!

[SilverNeurotic]

After communicating for so long through Skype it's very hard to switch to talking to them in person. It's weird. My husband and I lived six hours from one another while we were dating and through most of our engagement and a lot of our communication was via Skype. When we were together it took us a bit of time to get used to it.

[RomanSunburn]

I don't remember any issues with talking. My husband and I started dating before skype was super popular so we talked on the phone mostly. When we did start to use video chat, we never really talked. We'd both be working on something and occasionally look up and wave at each other. Where I did have issues was intimacy, especially that first kiss. I'd get super nervous and feel like I forgot how to act and what to do, and I swear this happened almost every single time for the entire four years we were long distance. It just takes a little while to get used to being around someone again. I think one of the benefits of a close proximity relationship is that you can just sit and be quiet with someone, you don't need to talk constantly. Also, if you're spending an entire day with someone, you don't need to tell them about it. Not to mention, you'll talk sporadically through out the day instead of lump it all together into an hour on skype.

I'm wondering if the anxiety over talking had something to do with the break-up of the relationship. Not saying that it caused it, but that the reasons for breaking up were causing the anxiety about talking. I also find it interesting that you went on a break right before he came to visit -- I can easily see how that alone would cause some tension.. You were already a bit out of sync, and not only were you re-learning how to date him, you were learning how to date him while he was there which was a new experience for you.

I'm sorry I can't give you any concrete advice on how to prevent it in the future, but at the same time I don't think you should panic over it, either. Just because it happened with this guy doesn't mean it'll happen in every relationship you have from here on out.