[UCLAFan]

i have decided to no longer be friends with the person i have been going to baseball games the last 3 or 4 years.to much drama,bs,lies,selfishness etc.stuff started going downhill in the friendship around this time last year.plus about a dozen times this year when she did not get her way she would say to me you don't want to piss me off.i asked her if that was a threat and she told me i don't want to find out.since she has been mean and nasty with me.i have decided the best way to go about this and avoid any more drama from her. is just to no longer return her phone calls or text and hope she gets the point.mainly i'm doing this is so she do's not snap at me like she has done several times .some people it's just better to ignore them and move on.the end of this friendship is what's best for me now.i just hope she gets it fast.i had another ex friend a few years ago not like that i no longer wanted to be friends with her and she bothered me online,on the phone and in public.i hope this do's not happen again.i'm a bit nervous about this whole situation.

[LadyShadow]

I have had to ignore someone once, but we made up later. I have confrontation issues where I would rather scamper and hide then face the person or the situation. Its just the way I handle things. I have ignored people before and taken them off my facebook etc.

[UCLAFan]

i feel like she used me to. before she meet me her husband would not allow her to attend baseball games.i think she knows i was getting sick of her because she whined and complained if i no longer am her friend her hubby won't let her go to games any more. she never remember my birthday but talked about her birthday coming up for about a month before her birthday.she was unfriendly and moody to some buddies of mine and then complained they where unfriendly to her.plus her personality changed the longer i was friends with her.i think she was being fake when the friendship first started.first she was kind of quiet and seemed nice.but now she is rude and loud whenever she don't get her way etc.plus she has turned into a know it all and every time we talk she'd want to argue over the dumbest things.also i would tell her stuff and was told she'd tell others my business.i kind of want to tell her the friendship is over with.but if she gets mad over dumb stuff i can't even imagine how she would act if i tell her the friendship is over with.

[hamster-bamster]

If you do want to tell you that the friendship is over with, but do not know want to learn how she would act when she hears it, then the appropriate thing is to send her an email with a brief statement and then put her email address on ignore (auto-archive, auto-delete, or whatever your email client offers). And put her phone number on "forward to VM without ringing", and, delete her VM's without listening to them.

That should take care of your issue.

[UCLAFan]

she has no computer or email address.i don't want to talk to her on the phone.because i know the conversation will be heated

[unaluna]

I'm betting this has happened to her before. You could just be honest with her and tell her, I'm sorry but this isn't working out for me. I'm not having fun. If she offers to change or asks for a second chance, you could say you could try, but if it gets heated as you say, you could just repeat, this isnt working out for me (or something similar - whatever works for you). I wonder if no one has ever confronted her with her behavior before. Anyway good luck.

[Travelinglady]

I agree with Hankster that the best approach to use is to gird up your loins and tell her the relationship just isn't working for you. To be honest, I see the ignoring behavior as less mature (eek--don't flood me with reactions to that!) Of course, sometimes ignoring does have to be done. I do think people are often owed a reason, so at least they can get some feedback and have the chance to do better. Again, as Hankster said, maybe she has never been told how she alienates people before!

That said, there are people IRL that I don't make it my business to be around--but they were never close friends to me anyway.

[UCLAFan]

i'm not mad about your advice.i wanted advice so thanks hankster and payne1

[Travelinglady]

In looking back over your first post, I now am seeing that this lady might have some serious psychological issues! So she mignt not be able to be reasoned with after all!

[UCLAFan]

i know her husband has those issues and she has started acting more like him every day.i just text-ed her and told her the friendship is over and not to ever contact me again

Originally Posted by PAYNE1

In looking back over your first post, I now am seeing that this lady might have some serious psychological issues! So she mignt not be able to be reasoned with after all!

[UCLAFan]

i just text ed her and she was mean and nasty towards me.calling me several nasty names and saying nobody likes me etc.

[HealingNSuffering]

Originally Posted by UCLAFan

i just text ed her and she was mean and nasty towards me.calling me several nasty names and saying nobody likes me etc.

What she was really trying to say is "ouch that hurt me, I'm angry with you for not putting up with my b/s" but she just doesn't know how to say that in a kind way. Sounds like there was a communication gap, next time you find yourself in a situation like this just be up front with the person in question and assert how what they are doing makes you feel. If they really want to keep you as a friend they will understand and try to change their ways. If they are insecure they will just get angry and call you names, but that doesn't mean they didn't hear your message loud and clear.

[UCLAFan]

i told her how i feel several times and she did not want to hear it.i told her a few days ago i was upset she did not remember my birthday she snapped at me and said so what your birthday was 2 days ago.she also said i will never find love and that her husband loves her for life.but her husband verbally abuses her and has been nasty to me also.those 2 deserve one another

[Travelinglady]

Well, in my opinion, based on what you have said, I think you have tried, anyway. She sounds toxic to me.

Is there anyway you can not go to the same places she does? I guess you want to go to the baseball games, etc., though.

If this matter gets more troublesome, then you might want to talk to a therapist about her. I know one time a woman called me and said all kinds of abusive things (even threatened my husband), and my therapist said if she called again to just hang up on her! I didn't expect that. We even got the call feature that let us know who is calling after that. Thankfully, she didn't call again. I guess I didn't act scared and give her what she wanted or something. Whatever.....

[UCLAFan]

i been going to games for 20 years.she started going 3 years ago.i'm not going to stop going to games because of her.i will just let the ushers i know that i'm having more problems with her and show them her nasty texts to me

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by UCLAFan

i just text ed her and she was mean and nasty towards me.calling me several nasty names and saying nobody likes me etc.

sour grapes - she has a hard time being rejected and tries the sour grapes approach to mask emotional pain

[HealingNSuffering]

Originally Posted by UCLAFan

i told her how i feel several times and she did not want to hear it.i told her a few days ago i was upset she did not remember my birthday she snapped at me and said so what your birthday was 2 days ago.she also said i will never find love and that her husband loves her for life.but her husband verbally abuses her and has been nasty to me also.those 2 deserve one another

Nobody deserves abuse, not even mean people like her. I know from experience that people like her are not easy to be friends with, but they deserve empathy rather than indifference. She obviously has some unresolved trauma from the past, but that is no reason to let her traumatize you or put up with her verbal abuse. The only people who remember my birthday are people with the same birthday. You say her husband is verbally abusive to her, it sounds to me like she uses you as a punching bag for her frustrations. I must admit I wouldn't want to be friends with anybody like her either, but I think not pointing out her flaws will do her more harm than good in the long run. You should call her out on all her **** without being nasty about it, let her know that you are only offering valid criticism. I would probably even recommend she seeks out help from a mental health professional, talking therapy is often the best medicine for difficult personalities like hers.

Not everybody who acts like that does it consciously, sounds to me like she needs some introspection. I know that's what it took for me to want to recover from my troubled past.

[UCLAFan]

she sent me 3 nasty text messages today and i have not responded to them.even though i'm tempted to.i'm trying to be civilized even though she is being mean and nasty

[HealingNSuffering]

Originally Posted by UCLAFan

she sent me 3 nasty text messages today and i have not responded to them.even though i'm tempted to.i'm trying to be civilized even though she is being mean and nasty

Silence speaks louder than words.

[unaluna]

Originally Posted by UCLAFan

i told her how i feel several times and she did not want to hear it.i told her a few days ago i was upset she did not remember my birthday she snapped at me and said so what your birthday was 2 days ago.she also said i will never find love and that her husband loves her for life.but her husband verbally abuses her and has been nasty to me also.those 2 deserve one another

You did good. I would have told her my birthday present wish list was registered at Sak's or wherever!

((((Hankie)))) that response reminded me of the episode of SATC when Carrie had her Manolos/Louboutins swiped at a "friend s" party

((((UCLA)))) i had a situation with a very former friend in which she just...well, she just behaved like her normal self. We no longer speak (text, email, chat, communicate).

I was very sad at first - no matter how crappy a friend is - the loss is still a loss. But I have held my tongue and not said a word. No matter how incredibly childish and hurtful.

I know it is soo hard. But I do agree. Silence speaks louder than words. But please keep posting and sharing here. It is important to get it out with people that care and dont have an agenda (other than to hope you feel better!)

Hug

[UCLAFan]

thanks everyone.

[Travelinglady]

I think the "ignore" mode is definitely the way to go now! (Hope I didn't make things worse by my earlier suggestion.) You are taking the proper high road by not responding the way she is, I think. You sound like a really decent fellow (despite HER opinion).

[UCLAFan]

i felt better telling her how i feel.lol i'm female

[Travelinglady]

Oops. Sorry....I think I fell victim to sterotyping--UCLA fan. You are a decent lady! Glad you feel better.