[Poppy Princess]

This question doesn't apply to me but just something I noticed. I once knew an 18 year old boy who was dating a 13 year old girl. What's your opinion on this? Do you think it's disgusting or what?

[SingDanceRunLife]

I think that's pretty disgusting. At that point, the 18 year old boy is most definitely taking advantage of the 13 year old girl whether or not either of them are cognizant of that fact. A difference of 5 years when you're that young is the world. Now if you said a 20 and a 25 year old, that would be a completely different story! Honestly though, I am even skeeved out by my friend that married a guy 15 years older than us because we're only 22!

[shezbut]

Yes ~ very disturbing! There is a huge difference physically and emotionally between a 13 year-old and an 18 year-old.

Um. Thirteen year olds shouldn't be "dating" anyone. They are entirely too young to get into anything so complex as a relationship- though that means half the time the relationship equates to just sitting together at lunch and on the bus, it means the other half of the time they end up in these extremely tangled messes because they are trying to emulate the reruns of My So-Called Life they've recently discovered on Hulu.

It's bad news all around, especially when you add older teenagers, who might assume completely different "rules" for dating.

Actually, I really think high school is a bad time for dating. Every one makes really awful decisions and everything is either the end of the world or the Best. Thing. Ever.

Actually. You know?
No one should date.
Like ever.

It's all just an impending train wreck. Ha. :P

[Edda]

In principle, age difference is not an issue. A young adult dating a child however, clearly IS.

[Edda]

Originally Posted by JosieTheGirl

It's all just an impending train wreck. Ha. :P

Spot on!

[healingme4me]

Originally Posted by Edda

In principle, age difference is not an issue. A young adult dating a child however, clearly IS.

Agree! It's statutory in the US.

[boopei]

Originally Posted by Edda

In principle, age difference is not an issue. A young adult dating a child however, clearly IS.

I agree. I know some older couples that have upwards of 15 years between them, but at any point a relationship between someone who is legally an adult and someone under the age of 16 is not appropriate.

It is somewhat of a double standard for sure, but its the way things are.

Until someone reaches at least 18, IMO they are pretty typically pretty immature. The maturity gap between an 18 and a 13 yr old, for example is a lot bigger than if it was a 28 and 23 yr old. Even though the age difference is the same, there's still a lot of maturing and growing happening between the younger pair. I think it's way too big of a gap at that point.

First of all... really? Everyone else thinks it's fine for a thirteen year old to "date"? (If that's what it's called at that point)

Also... at this point in existence, the typical 18 year old is not mature, nor is the typical 21 year-old... twenty three year olds are getting there and paths start to divulge there.
And before everyone starts to jump all over all that I am very aware that my current audience is anything but "typical" and so my observations o 's are less likely to apply.

And while 23-28 is less likely to have that gap, there will often (but not always) still be problems.

A 23 year old might often have issues renting a car, and a 28 year old might actually have graduated med school at that point, already be interning and literally be making life and death decisions. An extreme example, but demonstrative of the possible life experiences available in five year's time, no?

[SingDanceRunLife]

I don't think that at 13 you're actually dating, and I don't really see the harm in saying that you have a bf/gf since it's not what I conceptualize as a real relationship.

Originally Posted by JosieTheGirl

First of all... really? Everyone else thinks it's fine for a thirteen year old to "date"? (If that's what it's called at that point)

Also... at this point in existence, the typical 18 year old is not mature, nor is the typical 21 year-old... twenty three year olds are getting there and paths start to divulge there.
And before everyone starts to jump all over all that I am very aware that my current audience is anything but "typical" and so my observations o 's are less likely to apply.

We can rip this to shreds talking in generalities about the ages where people typically become mature but I think that it varies. Back on the subject though don't you agree though that even taking into account the immaturity of 21 - 23 yr olds that the gap is smaller as you get older? A lot changes in the teen years.

And just as a side note, no I don't think dating at 13 is really acceptable. My son is 13 this year and there is no way he is ready for that. o.O

And while 23-28 is less likely to have that gap, there will often (but not always) still be problems.

I may not have been really clear on this but what i am saying is not a rule but a generality. of course there could be problems in that age gap but the gap, I am saying for those ages are most likely smaller than between 18 and 13 as there is more growth in this way going on between those ages. it tends to level off a bit as you get older. that's what I meant to say. Not advocating that it's ok at that age nor opposing it.

A 23 year old might often have issues renting a car, and a 28 year old might actually have graduated med school at that point, already be interning and literally be making life and death decisions. An extreme example, but demonstrative of the possible life experiences available in five year's time, no?

And I did use the word maturity and I emphasize this now. I've found 40 yr olds that aren't even as mature as some 25 yr olds and if you keep analyzing it you can find exceptions to every general rule.

I think all in all though 13 + 18 still in my mind remains kind of a big gap.

Originally Posted by SingDanceRunLife

I don't think that at 13 you're actually dating, and I don't really see the harm in saying that you have a bf/gf since it's not what I conceptualize as a real relationship.

Perhaps not but if the gf/bf is 18 and you're 13, they may hve a lot more serious perspective on that idea.. so again it's kind of a problem

[avlady]

It definately is NOT right!!!I actually knew some girls that were trying to act older in high school that definately were not doing the right thing, and i'm talking sexually too.

Originally Posted by JosieTheGirl

First of all... really? Everyone else thinks it's fine for a thirteen year old to "date"? (If that's what it's called at that point)

Also... at this point in existence, the typical 18 year old is not mature, nor is the typical 21 year-old... twenty three year olds are getting there and paths start to divulge there.
And before everyone starts to jump all over all that I am very aware that my current audience is anything but "typical" and so my observations o 's are less likely to apply.

And while 23-28 is less likely to have that gap, there will often (but not always) still be problems.

A 23 year old might often have issues renting a car, and a 28 year old might actually have graduated med school at that point, already be interning and literally be making life and death decisions. An extreme example, but demonstrative of the possible life experiences available in five year's time, no?

Josie, at 18 I was making life and death decisions, courtesy of the US military. I was mature enough and able to lead 6 other people, most older than I was. So age really isn't the soul judge of maturity.

That being said. I have a serious problem w/ an 18 year old dating a 13 year old. Heck, at 18 I was going after older (21) women.

Originally Posted by jeffro1972

Josie, at 18 I was making life and death decisions, courtesy of the US military. I was mature enough and able to lead 6 other people, most older than I was. So age really isn't the soul judge of maturity.

That being said. I have a serious problem w/ an 18 year old dating a 13 year old. Heck, at 18 I was going after older (21) women.

Yes, well... haha

as i mentioned:

Originally Posted by JosieTheGirl

Also... at this point in existence, the typical 18 year old is not mature, nor is the typical 21 year-old... twenty three year olds are getting there and paths start to divulge there.
And before everyone starts to jump all over all that I am very aware that my current audience is anything but "typical" and so my observations o 's are less likely to apply.

I mean, I was traveling in Africa and giving polio vaccinations and educating Kenyan teenagers about AIDS/sex... building schools, all that good "personal growth" crap. Then I came home and worked two fulltime jobs and lived by myself and carried a full course load [not sure how I did that, actually]... but that is not the experience of most people that age?

But I recognize that is still not very TYPICAL of the average 18 year old.
Making serious life decisions is not very typical, paying ones own rent and taking personal responsibility is not very typical.. and even in the military... that doesn't ALWAYS follow that one is necessarily mature- though having interacted with you in particular I would suspect in your case it might.

I do agree that age is not necessarily indicative of maturity.
I was a model? victim? of that myself often... but the TYPICAL 18 year old is not very mature, not all of them.

Hence that little statement.

[Poppy Princess]

Hmm I seemed to have picked a controversial topic.

Originally Posted by Poppy Princess

Hmm I seemed to have picked a controversial topic.

haha

and also... TOTALLY wrote divulge. DEFINITELY meant diverge
/me throws confetti

Originally Posted by JosieTheGirl

haha

and also... TOTALLY wrote divulge. DEFINITELY meant diverge
/me throws confetti

::: eats the confetti :::

[SingDanceRunLife]

Originally Posted by s4ndm4n2006

Perhaps not but if the gf/bf is 18 and you're 13, they may hve a lot more serious perspective on that idea.. so again it's kind of a problem

They might, but they might not. At 18, most people are still children themselves. Very few are actually real adults.

Originally Posted by SingDanceRunLife

They might, but they might not. At 18, most people are still children themselves. Very few are actually real adults.

maybe. I tend to shy away from any stereotypical statements of pretty much... anything.

[SingDanceRunLife]

Originally Posted by s4ndm4n2006

maybe. I tend to shy away from any stereotypical statements of pretty much... anything.

This is what I have observed in my experience of being an 18 year old myself, and then working with them. I would still barely qualify myself as an adult, and I'm almost 23!

[IndieVisible]

Originally Posted by Poppy Princess

This question doesn't apply to me but just something I noticed. I once knew an 18 year old boy who was dating a 13 year old girl. What's your opinion on this? Do you think it's disgusting or what?

If that was your typical average 13 year old, then I would say that is very disgusting. However if she looked older and was more mature then a average 13 I would at least lower my opinion from disgusting to pathetic.

Originally Posted by SingDanceRunLife

This is what I have observed in my experience of being an 18 year old myself, and then working with them. I would still barely qualify myself as an adult, and I'm almost 23!

yeah you're probably right.. pretty typically anyway.

Originally Posted by SingDanceRunLife

This is what I have observed in my experience of being an 18 year old myself, and then working with them. I would still barely qualify myself as an adult, and I'm almost 23!

I actually strongly relate to and agree with this. Despite all the "adult stuff" I may (or may not) have been doing when I was 18/19 years old, and all the pretty hefty amounts of responsibility I've been given between then and now (frankly I still question some of those decisions haha)... I really feel my greatest period of growth has been approximately the last 3 years or so.

I just turned 31, and obviously it's very different for everyone. I actually think I was a bit late in having all the facets of my emotional intelligence catch up to each other, but anyway haha...

My point is that even at 23, I felt not at all like an adult. But I acknowledged that. I understand that even three decades ago that was not so common the case. But since thirteen year olds ARE so eager to date at this point, and five year olds are wearing high heels and eight year olds are talking about "skanks on the corner"... we are missing out on a lot of crucial years of self discovery and exploration and learning to be autonomous and such... So we back track in the second half of our twenties or early thirties now.

Or some don't at all.

Ah... off topic.
Skirting the topic.

Ok, but it's important. I know everyone loves the tangent monster...
It's totally relevant.

(For serious I'll stop n o w)