[Arwen_78]

After reading a post on the relationships and communication board got me thinking. One I need to think about what I'm trying to say before posting my own post, because how I go from point A to point C and then try to backtrack to point B. a true ADDer as borderline as my ADD is. Two how I defined a "friend".

I've been chatting online since 1998, I have one or two friends that I have never met but they are people I trust with information. Since many of them don't live in the US I talk with them on Facebook. I text one as we both have an iPhone. They are pretty much my best friend. He and I talk about anything from relationship problems to just what we are doing at the moment. *

Then why trust someone that I've never met? Does it really matter? I don't think it really does. In the long run you can use your best judgement like you would in real-life. "Cyber-friends" are just the same as friends you make in real life.

[spondiferous]

Short answer: it doesn't (matter, that is). There are trustworthy and untrustworthy people all over the world. Just because they're online doesn't mean they're the latter, and just because they're in 'real life' doesn't mean they're the former. In either case, it's important to honor your own instincts and with online stuff be extra cautious because you can't see them, be around them, etc.
I have had long-term friendships and relationships online. I am still friends with several people I used to chat with (I don't chat anymore) over ten years ago. I care for them and think about them. I have met one in person, finally, the year before last. I have never met the other one. But I don't trust him any less than the one I've met.
Hope that helps. The world is a very different place now than it used to be. There are still all kinds of creeps and weirdos online. But they're out in the world in everyday life too. So there's really not much of a difference. If you trust them, that's all that matters. I mean, you've been talking to this person for almost twenty years. That's a long-*** time.

[kirby777]

Since I have some type of agoraphobia/social anxiety issus along with everything else. I am so appreciative of my cyberfriends. Some I talk to on the phone. One person i met and we are great friends, as we are in similar situations, plus we both are into saving dogs' lives. I met her on FB. I just wished I lived closer to her. But I trust her w/everything....My family is toxic, I cannot trust them. They feel I am criminally insane, which I am not.

[MissInvisible]

I have lots of friends online too. I can be anxious when it comes to socialising and I'm not good at being friends because I'm not their perfect standard of what a friend is suppose to be. I think it's still the same as in real life. They're still breathing, living people and not robots. I'm so glad I'm not alone with this online friends thing.

[Confusedinomicon]

Some of the best people I've met have been online.

I've been online since 1998 too, in different chat venues and have met people all over the world. Some come and go, some stick around forever. Just like IRL friends. And my poor social skills because of my BPD causes the same amount of grief for me with them as it would if they lived down the street. Trust is a huge issue for me so it takes a long time to even consider that, but they are still valuable to me, for their support, kindess, wit and strength. I have 3 very good friends I talk to online, and my bf I also met online years ago.

Like Spondiferous said, the world is a much different place as far socializing goes, but as different as it is, it's also much the same. Meaning, treat those places you frequent online as 'if' the were real..like the neighborhood bar. You wouldn't trust everyone there, certainly not right away and you wouldn't take off your shirt and dance on the tables either. Just saying. lol

[Arwen_78]

I'll reply longer later, on my phone and on break. I also want to thank everyone who posted. I agree that making friends online now a days should not be looked at as any different than real life.

[Fuzzybear]

.......

[A Red Panda]

I frequently forget that I haven't met my online friends in person. I don't see a lot of my friends regularly as we live far apart, so it's not different in regards to communication: with the exception that my online friends I often get to talk to me, and I confide in them more often!

A friend is a friend to me, it doesn't matter how often I get to communicate with them or in what capacity.

[Arwen_78]

Thanks for the replies, I've never thought of my "cyber friends" as different from my real life friends. I like talking with anyone and everyone. I can be too open at times but I've been working on controlling that. I can be blunt without knowing it and have hurt friends but they understood it was just me. Like at the beginning of this year my friends in real life hadn't told me she was pregnant yet. We met up for dinner and I was messing around about why hadn't she got a drink since I had lose track of when the last time was that we had been out I remembered her having one at least even when driving. Lets just say ripped into me a few weeks later and finally told me she was having a baby. Damn, I mean come on what am I meant to guess?

I think I like having to stop and think about what you are saying with cyber friends. I mean for some reason I find that I stop more and "talk" more slower online than in real life. It's easier for me to get my thoughts straight when "talking" online, I don't know why it's just easier. Anyone know what I mean by that?

[Arwen_78]

Originally Posted by MissInvisible

I have lots of friends online too. I can be anxious when it comes to socialising and I'm not good at being friends because I'm not their perfect standard of what a friend is suppose to be. I think it's still the same as in real life. They're still breathing, living people and not robots. I'm so glad I'm not alone with this online friends thing.

I so dislike the work "perfect"! I mean it's almost as bad as "normal"... nobody is perfect! We DO NOT live in a perfect world and anyone who believes they do needs to wake-up. We only live in a "perfect" world so the real one isn't as painful.

[healingme4me]

Originally Posted by A Red Panda

I frequently forget that I haven't met my online friends in person. I don't see a lot of my friends regularly as we live far apart, so it's not different in regards to communication: with the exception that my online friends I often get to talk to me, and I confide in them more often!

A friend is a friend to me, it doesn't matter how often I get to communicate with them or in what capacity.

I like what you've written here I have made some close friends on-line. And have some close friends, that I have known IRL, but due to growing, family, jobs, etc., we now live miles and miles apart; and communicate using technology--phones, e-mails, texts....not much different than some on-line friends.

A couple of the on-line friends, I have made, there's confiding in one another, that goes above and beyond some of the confiding that I've done with those I have known throughout my life.

Friends are Friends

[doublejm1]

Over the years, I've grown very close to people I've met online -- even though I never once saw them in person.

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by Arwen_78

I think I like having to stop and think about what you are saying with cyber friends. I mean for some reason I find that I stop more and "talk" more slower online than in real life. It's easier for me to get my thoughts straight when "talking" online, I don't know why it's just easier. Anyone know what I mean by that?

Could it be the benefit of writing? The process of writing is conducive to organizing your thoughts.

Could it be that you control the pace? Nobody is rushing you to post. It is less obvious in chat though. But obvious on a forum such as this one.

Could it be that you are not anxious because nobody is seeing you? Nobody is reading your face and body language (unless you use video chat).

[yellowted]

friends are friends because they trustworthy, kind, honest people. not because they look a certain way. therefore meeting them should not make a difference as the only thing you get from it that you do not get on the computer is a picture of what they look like, and even that is possible now with things like picture messaging.
my cyber friends are the ones there when i can't sleep and need to talk as they are often in different time zones, my home town friends are the ones i do things with like go out to lunch etc, both have a purpose , both are special and both help me to be me.

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by yellowted

both help me to be me.

so well said

[frippet]

I like knowing that I can feel safe in my pj's and snuggled in my bed and talk about my life with friends who cannot see the pain in my eyes or hear the fear in my voice. It gives me the confidence to practice communicating in a safe way. I once was so nervous talking to a guy friend at school (years ago now) that my arms were flailing about and somehow I managed to hit the sandwich he was about to bite and it landed on the floor. He just stood there and stared at me with that wtf? look. I ran away. I was at a legend hockey event and got to meet my idol, i was so nervous i blurted out for him to sign my chest, i meant to say my jersey that i was wearing but, i didnt. i said chest and thrust my chest forward in his face..his eyes popped open and with a big grin he went to sign and i got so freaked out my arms started going again and i flipped the sharpie marker out of his hand and it hit the floor. He drops to the floor in desperate need to sign my chest, he was crawling around all these feet, it was funny yet i was so humiliated. He said it was his honor to autograph such a gorgeous woman. big boobs are good for something i guess. i like that in online relationships...those moments cant ever happen

[manwithnofriends]

you can only communicate with cyber friends (or do things that require an internet connection). you can't do pretty much anything else that requires more than one person (like learning how to swim, cycle etc.)

Originally Posted by Arwen_78

I think I like having to stop and think about what you are saying with cyber friends. I mean for some reason I find that I stop more and "talk" more slower online than in real life. It's easier for me to get my thoughts straight when "talking" online, I don't know why it's just easier. Anyone know what I mean by that?

Yes I understand what you mean. Depending on my mental state it can be miles easier chatting online. When I am writing things down I feel I can more adequately communicate.

I have been chatting since I first got my own internet connection in 2006 or so. I still talk to the very first people I spoke with. I have met more friends over the years but those special few are just so important to me. I have only met three of my online mates in real life but it was not awkward and I found it easy to talk with them since they knew all my issues and never judged or got frustrated when I mix up my words.

I chat pretty much every night, I dont know what I would do if I didnt have my chat mates! They are an important part of my support network and extremely helpful when I need to be distracted.

[JoyDivision7680]

It it weren't for the internet I would have maximum one or two friends. I met my best friends online and I was lucky enough to meet the majority of my online friends