[HockingPastryChef]

Most of the time when I ask questions he ignores me or gets annoyed. It's not just me he does this to though.

So today I had asked him a question and he was just staring at the tv. I finally made another assertive statement say: Hey I would like it if you would look at me when I speak." He said not this again... Leave me a lone. I told him I want you to speak to me kindly. <-- I don't think that was a good thing to say.

He plays video games quite a bit and doesn't go out with his friends and doesn't make new friends. I think he is closed in too much. He goes outside with his headset a lone for a couple hours daily.

He is aggressive and get angry easily. He makes negative remarks to me and other continuously. When he does it to me though I tell him I didn't like that comment. I think I'll start say that I disagree more so too. Repeating the same thing can get annoying; I understand that.

I'm not sure what to do though. I'm thinking of confronting him about his anger and how I don't like it and if that doesn't work then I guess not be around him that much; when he asks to hangout I'll tell him I would prefer not to. I think there is something he is holding in that he doesn't let out.

I feel hurt right now though because he isn't kind around me and other much.

[gayleggg]

How old is your brother? Could be a phase? Where do your parents stand in all this? Otherwise sounds like you are doing all you can.

[healingme4me]

It's tough, when dealing with people who harbor lots of anger. Not sure, what the solution to resolving that, but I do like the notion of addressing how you'd like to be spoken to.

One thing, that instinctually came to mind, for me, reading the beginning of your OP, about asking him a question and not getting a response, was to touch his shoulder, lightly and say his name, and then ask the question when you have his attention. I have to get the attention of my children sometimes, saying their name doesn't always seem to be enough, and I've been watching this be effective first hand with how the autism teacher handle some of their students, at my work. ((not saying he has that, just saying, it's an effective communication technique))

When trying to address how you like to be addressed, in a non combative, no name calling type of way. There are ways to address this, once you have his attention.

Try to focus on when I hear this said to me(not when I hear YOU say this...), I Feel this. Could we try to interact in a more polite/friendly manner to one another, I really appreciate you in my life.

Hope that helps....

[HockingPastryChef]

Originally Posted by healingme4me

It's tough, when dealing with people who harbor lots of anger. Not sure, what the solution to resolving that, but I do like the notion of addressing how you'd like to be spoken to.

One thing, that instinctually came to mind, for me, reading the beginning of your OP, about asking him a question and not getting a response, was to touch his shoulder, lightly and say his name, and then ask the question when you have his attention. I have to get the attention of my children sometimes, saying their name doesn't always seem to be enough, and I've been watching this be effective first hand with how the autism teacher handle some of their students, at my work. ((not saying he has that, just saying, it's an effective communication technique))

When trying to address how you like to be addressed, in a non combative, no name calling type of way. There are ways to address this, once you have his attention.

Try to focus on when I hear this said to me(not when I hear YOU say this...), I Feel this. Could we try to interact in a more polite/friendly manner to one another, I really appreciate you in my life.

Hope that helps....

Yes, thanks that does help me. I do know better to not say You. Blaming statements are no fun. :\

I think I need to work a little more on speaking more calmly too. I know I can have some excitement to my tone and it may sound more as though I have an attitude. I have anxiety which interferes at times. I know I'll be more assertive in the future. I'll notice a difference in my confidence.

[healingme4me]

Originally Posted by HockingPastryChef

I think I need to work a little more on speaking more calmly too. I know I can have some excitement to my tone and it may sound more as though I have an attitude. I have anxiety which interferes at times. I know I'll be more assertive in the future. I'll notice a difference in my confidence.

Learning to become assertive, takes time and practice. Tone of voice, does matter, hence the need for practice

[HockingPastryChef]

Originally Posted by gayleggg

How old is your brother? Could be a phase? Where do your parents stand in all this? Otherwise sounds like you are doing all you can.

He is the same age as me. We are in our 20's. My parents notice it too. My dad has started having him go to work with him. (My dad is a manager at a store). My brother doesn't have a job yet which he has applied to multiple place; he does put effort towards that.

I could start speaking more spiritually around him; that could do something. Start making statements about my thoughts. He could start thinking more deep into my insights and sayings.
Example: "You only get happiness by putting effort into thinking more happily and looking at the positives in each situation. Doesn't mean that there aren't negative aspects but that's part of the path. If there is something negative there can be a way to solve it if you put more thought towards the many solutions there maybe."

He had mentioned at one point when my mom was doing something and he knew I was going to say something about it and I made a small comment. He told me that I though you would say one of your insights again and he had a smile on his face. That maybe a sign he listens to them.

[HockingPastryChef]

Originally Posted by healingme4me

Learning to become assertive, takes time and practice. Tone of voice, does matter, hence the need for practice

Yes, that is true.

"Do NOT let fear interfere with your feelings; that is when you may get more regret and guilt."