Trapped

Trapped in my own mind with low energy and only want to sleep. Probably my children are what keeps me pretending to enjoy life. I really don't enjoy anything anymore and seldom if ever experience happiness. Perhaps it is just self-pity but who knows.

I married a recovering alcoholic/drug addict many years ago. He did get into some legal trouble before I met him. We feel madly in love and five years later were married and had a family. He slowly proceeded to abuse and become addicted to everything. He lies to me. Drinks and drives the children around. Abuses drugs and I just don't ever believe him. We have a nice front for folks and I hide everything I can from my children. He now has chronic medical conditions and needs several surgeries. We are all he has and I cannot leave him. I do feel hopeless and if it were not for my children, probably would find some way out.

How can you ever trust an addict again? Is it better for children to have a household together than being pulled from place to place. Is it not easier to hide the painful truth from your kids? At times I am afraid of him and what he will do next.

Can you give me your suggestions?

You can't trust an active alcoholic. I have one big suggestion. DO NOT LET HIM HAVE THE CHILDREN IN THE CAR!!!!!!!!! Hopefully he will get caught while driving drunk before he kills someone and you sure don't want your children to be causalties.

You didn't say how old your children are but they already know what's going on. You can't hide his addictions from them. If you are afraid of him they sense it.

It's too bad he has chronic illnesses and needs surgeries, but that is no reason to live and put up with his drinking and taking drugs and also live in fear. You are not doing your children any favors by keeping them in this atmosphere where it looks like doing drugs and getting drunk is an okay way to live. Children learn by watching their parents. Do you like the lessons they are learning? Take what you like and leave the rest.

Dearest nsox,

You will probably get some heated responses from people who have had to live under these conditions. I have and will tell you children see and feel everything.

Marriage is sacred but when you or your children are in danger, it is time to leave.

Consider this, if your H gets caught drinking and driving with children, your children may be taken out of your custody (family home).

You are not TRAPPED, you are feeling trapped but you have options and choices.
You can take your personal power back. You said if it were not for the children, You would find some way out, well, for your children find that strength.
Embrace all the resources available to you. Here on pc you will find people who have survived this. You/children are worthy of a Happy life.

Husband had issues prior to you, these he will have to work on with professional help.
You can not fix him or heal him, you can support him by giving him space and time.

You cant trust an active addict.
Your kids can deal with the truth no matter how bad it is.
If you make excuses, downplay irresponsible behavior, you are showing them its okay and this will be very harmful, I hope you seek out and accept the help that is here.
You can show your children how to be powerful Mommy is!
Hugs and Prayers
Happiedasiy.

Find a way out, for the children! Never mind your self right now, they NEED to be in a healthy place, and they know so much more than you think, what they don't "know" in the adult sense, they experience in ways that will affect them the rest of their lives. They need to know the truth, and that they have a parent who will protect them from danger and give them the attention and love they need...
You cannot even help the addict by staying trapped.