[Liinu]

Soo here's the thing. First of all, I am 21 years old. And I have never been in a proper relationship. The last sort of relationship I had was six years ago. It was long distance and went nowhere really fast.

And ever since, I've gone for guys who I know I can't have.

My latest crush - A guy who is in the country for 6 weeks. The one before that - a foreign exchange student.

And all the while there's an attractive and nice guy, who actually lives here and is available and likes me and I just don't want him. And don't tell me to go for him because if I don't even like him like that then what's the point.

My guess is that it's related to the fact that my dad left when I was little. Like 2 or something. So I just pick guys who will leave too, because then I'm in control or something..

I know it's an issue, but I don't know how to deal with it. I'd just once like to find a guy who is available and have a normal relationship. But I can't do that if I'm blind to all available guys because there's an unavailable one I'm going after. :/

[kaliope]

I hear you saying you only pick unavailable guys because your father left you when you were very young, that this makes you feel more in control. if you know what the problem is, then you have the first steps in working to fix it. you know you are working with an unhealthy dynamic here so you can work to change that when you see yourself repeating it and force yourself out of your comfort zone to do things differently and make healthier choices in the way of relationships and do them differently so you get the desired results. take care.

[Liinu]

I get all that, but how am I supposed to do that when I'm attracted to the unavailable type. I can't just flat out start a relationship with a random guy to go out of my comfort zone if I'm not even attracted to them. :/

[healingme4me]

There's books out there, self-help, that delve into the pop-psychology of why women go for emotionally unavailable men. Can be enlightening. Counseling, can help, too. It's a bit more, than your father, I'm sure. Could delve into self esteem, fear of being vulnerable.
I get what you mean about control, you can control how emotionally bonded you become with someone, who's unavailable because it's safer, to a point, than the risk involved with someone who is available.
I went through a spell, where all I seemed to be attracting, were married men. Was really eating at me. Because, I didn't want to go down that path. It was therapeutic, too, because I'd befriended for many years, a man, who was long distance. And I realized, he, too, was emotionally unavailable to me.

Out of curiosity, with these men, who will leave, to far off places, do you remotely consider the idea of travelling with them? Does the idea, that things could work out, tempt you?

[Liinu]

I can't really travel with them since I am still in college and can't just up and leave.. I would like to. That last guy.. he ended up staying here for and even shorter period. And it broke my heart when he left and I still think about him. We talk on facebook, but rarely. Understandable.. we are both busy people and talking and trying to reach out is only avoiding the inevitable - drifting apart.