[pennylayne]

I've gotten myself into so many messes with men and the negative feelings that are roused in me are just becoming so overwhelming I'm constantly feeling suicidal.

A couple of weeks ago I saw a guy I've known for years but hadn't seen in years. We have a bit of history - we were friends and then briefly involved but it didn't work out because he wasn't over his ex and screwed things up for us. We hooked up when we saw each other a couple of weeks ago and he said all these things like how he regretted messing things up with us and how he wanted to see me again. He also told me he'd broken up with someone a few months ago...I figured that was enough time to move on from a 7 month relationship!

After we slept together he became distant and stopped making contact, even though I tried to be nice and sweet etc. I didn't hear from him all last week and then I saw him out at a club last night and he spoke to me very briefly saying how he always runs into me when he's trying to get over someone...basically apologising for using me when he was "unavailable" and talked about bad timing. I didn't know what to say to him and he didn't speak to me the rest of the night. He looked miserable and every time I saw him I felt like crying and just wanted to go home but I couldn't cos I had to wait for the trains to start running. A few times I saw him talking to other girls and to his ex. It was just like having a knife in my heart...

I can't seem to come to terms with why anyone would allow themselves to wallow in grief caused my someone who clearly doesn't see their worth or she wouldn't have broken up with him. Instead of moving on and seeing the value in something right under his nose (me), he would rather mope about how comfortable he felt with her. What if we were meant to be? What if I'm supposed to be the love of his life? Why would he let his ex get in the way of his happiness? I just don't get it and the whole thing has just been making me feel terrible. I wish I could stop caring but I obviously have some strong bond with him...or maybe it's something else.

I have been going through a million scenarios in my head...contacting him and telling him how I feel and that he doesn't get another chance with me, not contacting him and wallowing in my own grief, seeing if he contacts me and ignoring him....I just have no idea what to do. And I suppose the most important thing is what's best for me and what will help me but I really don't know anymore. I've just been lying in bed all day crying because I haven't got a freaking CLUE what to do with myself. I have BPD and I'm so damn sick of being dragged down all the time...can anyone offer some advice?

[HockingPastryChef]

My best advice from what you had said is to not contact this guy and deal with yourself right now.

Why you don't have a clue is because you are letting all this pain take over your consciousness and need to figure yourself out. That was no where near right of him having sex with you if he still had feelings for that girl. If he really meant what he said when he apologized he will contact you later on and would go steady with you.

[pennylayne]

Thanks for your advice and I guess you're right...I just don't really know if I should even allow him to come back into my life if he reaches out to me when he's ready. He's hurt me so much now and as far as I see it he's now had 2 chances and has broken my trust again and I don't know if he deserves another chance.

I know he's not a bad guy, but as you say, he should have known better than to sleep with me if he wasn't over his ex. Especially when he knows how emotionally sensitive I am...we even discussed my suicide attempt and me being treated badly by guys.