[Meta]

My mom passed away on Tuesday. I have taken my mom to her doctor's appointments for the last 10 years except when my father who died 3 years ago took her. My mom was diagnosed with schizophrenia, but I think she was really bipolar or depressed and just became diagnosedwith schizophrenia when she finally had a psychotic break from the stress. Twice before I had to hospitalize my mom for her mental health issues. When she wouldn't go to the doctor in September for a check up I told her that if she didn't go, I would have to hospitalize her. She refused and I had to have her involuntarily committed. She was throwing up her food on the senior mental health ward, so they moved her to the medical part of hospital. They did tests and she had liver metastases, from an unidentified source. She couldn't do the mri or catscan--the liver metastases were diagnosed after a biopsy. We agreed to move her to hospice. They moved her at night and disconnected her intravenous line. I told them the next day, my mom had always refused to sign advance directives and I specifically asked my mom if she wanted an I.V. and to come home with me. She said yes to both questions. I tried to get her out of bed and put her in a wheelchair. The social worker and hospice director told me my mom could go home that day. My brother who had power of attorney in the event my mom was out of it, told them to keep my mom and refused to let her go home. He also refused to use my mom's money for home nurses. I had an attorney call the doctor. After I begged and begged they put the i.v. back in that night. I didn't dare ask for a feeding tube. My mom got worse and I told them again she did not want to be deprived of treatment and the power of attorney could not be used because she was rendered helpless by the hospital and hospices prior failure to treat. I left on a monday morning and told them to put my mom back in hospital and stabilize her to go to a nursing home. I told every nurse and social worker I talked to that my mother had not wanted to be refused treatment. I said stabilize her now or face a lawsuit later. I went in on Tuesday night to see my mom and told her I loved her. Ten minutes after I left she died. The hospice had killed her by refusing to give her medical treatment because she was 80 years old and mentally ill. This was in a Catholic hospital no less--my mom was a devout Catholic and had 6 children to prove it.

I am mourning my mom but I feel the need to warn other people about discrimination against the elderly and those with a mental health diagnosis.

Please say a prayer or a good thought for my mom. If there's any justice she's in a better place.

[January]

Oh Meta, I'm so sorry. Thank you for the warning and I am so sorry for the loss of your beloved mother.

Hugs,

Jan

Meta, that's just awful news.

You are in my thoughts.

Petunia

[lenjan]

I'm sorry to hear this, Meta. My thoughts are with you. I was critically ill last year and totally do not remember signing over my medical power of attorney to my sister. I'm not sure I would have done so, if I were in reasonable enough shape to have known what was going on. Maybe you can advocate for people to get their wishes down in writing while they're healthy. That would be a way to honor your mom, maybe.

Candy

[Speeddemon]

I'm so sorry for your loss.

I'm sorry for your loss.... What happened is appalling.

[hillbunnyb]

Sooooo sorry ))))))))) ) Meta((((((((((((( soooooo sorry. That's why I tell everybody: ' Don't let "them" get me!!!!"

[Bethsway]

I am so sorry about your loss...My mom passed away in April so I know what a sad time this is for you!! My prayers are with you!!

[(JD)]

I fully understand the heartache about this. Not only do you have the passing of your mom, but you believe it to be provoked by the hospital, so it wasn't under even halfway decent circumstances.

I am my mother's attorney in fact. She is 86. Already I have had to counter other siblings. Mom made me this for a reason. I do my best.

Please know that your mom is no longer suffering here...and to me, we all go when it's our time. That she waited for you to leave is so typical,and shows they are really in control at the final breath. My dad waited for my mom to whisper to him he could go.

Anger is a normal emotion at this time...but try not to let it overwhelm you. God is still in control, and though there were many other circumstances surrounding your mother's passing, HE determined when she'd had enough of this life.

Peace.

[Meta]

Thanks everyone for the kind words and thoughts. I will still have to work on accepting on how it played out. But it helps to have kind people such as yourself to help me heal.
Meta

[eskielover]

Meta,

I understand how hard it is to go through loosing your Mother. My Mother died of cancer 1 1/2 years ago. Unfortunately, they never told my Mother that her cancer was terminal & kept her going way too long. I know for me, when we decided on the hospice care for her (which unfortunately was only 4 days before she died), that meant taking her off all life support (which means IV's, feeding tubes, etc) that meant stopping all treatment & only KEEPING HER COMFORTABLE.

From the experience I went through with my Mother, keeping her on IV & any life support would have only continued the suffering she was dealing with. Looking at the quality of life my Mother had the last month of her life, the best thing that happened was when she died. Keeping her on an IV & prolonging her life for a few more days until her body would finally die anyway, didn't seem right to me. I know her boyfriend would tell me that she was having a good day & when was she going to get well? What he didn't understand was that even though there is a good day, the end result is going to be the same...it is just a matter of when. I know that my mother was Christian & was not afraid to die, but what I found out was that everyone is afraid of the unknown & death is the "unknown" for everyone. The one thing I also realized in my situation is that God was in charge no matter what we do to try & control the situation.

I know how hard it is to let go. I was with my Mother 24/7 until I was so sick because of the stress in caring for my Mother & the trauma I went through because of her, that I was in the medical hospital when my Mother died. I had been with her right before I went into the hospital & told her it was ok to let go because God wanted to answer her prayer for making her well. She died 2 hours after I left her & I got a call the next morning in the hospital that my Mother had died. I guess in some ways, it was good for me to be in the hospital because everyone was helping me deal with it.

The one thing I learned in my situation was that God is the one in charge of when someone dies. We can do everything possible to keep them alive or prolong their life, but when their time comes, we have to let go. I know that doesn't help the pain go away, but knowing that they no longer are in the pain they were having to deal with really helped me deal with it.

My prayers are with & with your family for the strength to get through this all the hard feelings of loosing your mother,
Debbie

[LILITH]

Meta,
I am so sorry about your mom condolecence to you and your family. Peace!

[Sabrina]

I am so sorry for your loss and the tragic way that it occurred.

[LMo]

Meta, I'm sorry

[Meta]

Thanks everybody. The support is wonderful. Nothing will change the fact that my mother was robbed of her final time to make peace with her children. I was able to tell her I loved her and to thank her for being my mother and do the best she could--here I go crying again
But I will be a long time forgiving how it happened. Sometimes anger is good and righteous. My mother was a human being and that hospice took her choices from her. It might not have been my choice to accept all care, but it was my mother's. But she was elderly and mentally ill, and as I found out that didn't count in the end to a Catholic hospice. I can't forgive them for euthanizing my mother. Only God and my mother can.

Again to all of you thanks for the support and the room to air my feelings.

[red_rose]

I went through it too anyway I can help? Please pm me I would be glad to help .