In Need of Advice

My boyfriend and I have been in a committed relationship for about 10 months now. We have a healthy relationship. We communicate and we respect each other to the fullest.

I think I've been having a problem with myself lately - I'm not always in the mood to have sex when my boyfriend is. However to be honest, he is in the mood almost every time we are together in bed and more. So yes, he probably has a very high sex drive...but compared to him, I might not have such a high one. There are many times when I am in the mood though. I just feel like there is something wrong and I feel bad when I reject him a lot when he wants it. We talked about it the other day and I told him that I don't know why I'm not in the mood a lot, but its definitely not because of him. He turns me on and the sex is good.

I'm 22 years old and my boyfriend is the second man I've ever had intercourse with, so I guess I am still inexperienced. I'm just worried that there is something wrong or abnormal with me because I don't want it as much as he does. To be honest if I had to spend my whole life without having it, I could definitely do it.

I was wondering if anyone else has ever experienced this or something similar to this? Also, is it really an issue that I should look into further?

Thanks guys.

There is nothing wrong with either one of you. You just have different sex drives. I have had that experience with my ex-husband. Unforunately, if I refused, he would give me the silent treatment for days. There were many times I had sex with him when I just wished he would over fast.

With that said, counseling might help in the communication about the problem.

Hi meganmariah
No there is nothing wrong with you. I could go forever without wanting sex either. It is not a big deal. You will find a healthy balance in time. Welcome to Psych Central. You will find we have several forums where you can post about your concerns and receive feedback from other members. You will get a lot of support here. Again, welcome.

Thank you very much for the advice from both of you! I appreciate it a lot!

I'll be honest with you. What you describe sounds very similar to what my niece has recently described to me about her boyfriend, and I will say the following:

* It almost sounds like your boyfriend has some sort of hypersexual, over the top sexual drive.

* You should NEVER have sex with him when you are not in the mood. Sure one would hope that at least sometimes you are willing to have sex, but you should NOT feel like you are expected, like a piece of meat, to be there whenever he feels like it.

* Your boyfriend needs to respect when you don't feel like it (especially if you do it a bit), and seriously he should not be mega pressuring you just cause he is a sex manic (he almost sounds like one).

* I am a male, and sure I have hormones, but seriously I have a low view on guys which are so constantly in need of sex that they extremely pressure their partners to always satisfy them. Tell him to go look at porn and jack off, if you are not always in the mood. If he forces himself upon you when you have made it clear your not in the mood, well that is going into "rape" territory.

You are not just a sex object. You were not born to satisfy males sexual urges. You should ONLY be having sex when you BOTH are in the mood, and serious if your boyfriend can't handle that then TOUGH LUCK.

Thank you for the advice wisedude, I agree with you 100% on everything. He has never forced himself upon me and I doubt he would ever do that. However, at times I certaintly do feel like I am expected to have sex with him to satisfy him or make him happy. I feel like a lot of women feel the same way with their significant others as well and it sucks... but I will stay strong and stand my ground if it happens again.