[Ardose]

I have never had an outgoing, perky, sporty personality. In fact, I got good grades and was bullied quite a bit in school. I was also subject to a lot of religious indoctrination when I was young and taught that that I am always a sinner because I don't believe in a deity. I went to tech school, had a career, worked fifteen years and then got sick an injured because of my job. Now, I am retired on disability.

All the time I was growing up, I was taught to be selfless. Even in my teen years I did volunteer work and helped people and that giving gave me an identity I liked. I did volunteer work during my career and even became the guardian of a person with special needs whom I have care for for many years. I gave and sacrificed and felt good about myself. After my illness, my family got me settled in a great living place with a house of my own in quiet environment and I and my guy were doing OK. At least well enough for me to deal with my pain and mental illness. I had some friends and I still helped people when I can.

Then, this guy showed up about two years ago. He is something I had never had to deal with before. He seem nice enough and was having trouble during hard economic times. I helped him a little. Then he latched onto me like a leech and he has lied and manipulated me and borrowed money until he has suck me dry. I was trying to help him get a job and on his feet and he is supposed to pay me back. But everything has turned out very wrong and he is still not settling down and being responsible. He is to such a point now that he lives in van and is starting another temp job today which he swears he will keep and start paying me back. In the mean time, he keeps hitting me up for money for his emergencies like when his van breaks down or he needs food.

This guy says I am his best friend. He acts all thankful when I help him. But, he can get down right aggressive and at times pushy and deceptive to get money. I am having this huge ethical conflict. He owes me a lot of money and I want him to stop leeching. But he continues to get into some of the worst problems I have ever seen. Things are always seem to go wrong for him. I have told him over and over that he has to stop hitting me up for money that I can't afford to loan him. But, he won't stop playing me and I can't break him loose. I want to be his friend and give him guidance. But, I need help getting him to stop taking advantage of me where I am vulnerable. I have talked to legal aid who has no funding and a disability protection group who says I have to stop on my own. I don't know how to get this to stop. That's my problem.

Everything in my life would be reasonably stable but for this guy and it seems like I need some kind of mental bodyguard to step in and protect me. I can't find anybody who can understand my problem and help me. My disability is bad enough. This guy won't stop making my life worse. I need some guidance.

[gayleggg]

Hi Ardrose, I'm sorry you have gotten yourself into such a mess by trying be a good person. However, you are going to have to put a stop to this. You are the one that has to say "no" and that is the only way this is going to stop. As long as you continue to give him money, even if it is only $5.00, he is going to still show up at your door.

[ptangptang]

Yup you know the answer yourself. You can go on being 'the good samaritan' till he sucks you dry. Not easy i know but you need to say no, enoughs enough.

[avlady]

Ardose Welcome, and i think you do need to stop giving him money, that seems to be the issue, does he get violent at all if you don't give him anything? Just asking so you don't get yourself in deeper where you could have no control, you have to be the one in control, hey it's your money and you probably can't afford it yourself?

[Jolisse]

Get rid of him, he's sucking you dry.

[Ardose]

Originally Posted by avlady

Ardose Welcome, and i think you do need to stop giving him money, that seems to be the issue, does he get violent at all if you don't give him anything? Just asking so you don't get yourself in deeper where you could have no control, you have to be the one in control, hey it's your money and you probably can't afford it yourself?

He can get very persistent and he has done things like making veiled threats to kill himself if he can't find any help. Sometimes, when I have told him to leave me alone, he has called and texted me as much as twenty or thirty times in a couple of hours. He'll even show up at my house when I won't answer his calls. When he gets frustrated he paces and occasional hits himself. One might think is psychotic to see him at those times.

I would like to be able to refer him to some agency that can help him. But, it's hard to find something. He might fall under mental health because he is kind of self destructive. I know he has a disease, H-C , that makes him sick every so often and even lands him in the hospital. Right now, he has absolutely no money and no place to live. He is staying in his van and it is getting cold out. He is trying to work at temp jobs. But, when his van breaks, he loses the jobs. I am just overwhelmed and he is determine to stick like a leach because he says I am the only person who will help him.