[Margolomania]

Wow. I have not been here in awhile. But it feels good to be back

I do have an issue that I'd like other people's opinions on, but first, here's a bit of a background- My partner and I have dated for 3 years, broke up for about a year, then we recently got back together. The relationship wasn't working because we both had personal issues that were creating a lot of tension, and because of the tension, we weren't in an atmosphere that would have helped us with our personal issues. It was a cycle that needed to be broken. After a year of wandering, some personal growth, therapy (that lead me to Psych Central ), more heartbreaks with other people, etc., my ex and I ended up with the same conclusion. We love each other, and we wanted to do what it took to keep each other in our lives.

During our break up, we tried seeing other people. They didn't work out, of course, considering what we really felt. I had my little mishap not long after our break up, so several months has blown by and that mishap is now but a memory. My partner, on the other hand, had a fling not too long ago from now. For the longest time, he refused to date anybody. Finally, he did start a fling that lasted for about 2 weeks, but it was the last push that made him realize that he didn't want anyone else. Unfortunately, the girl he had a fling with isn't so understanding.

To him, the 2 weeks was a fling. To her, it's AS IF SHE dated him for 3 years. She really is acting as if they were engaged at some point but then he left and that he and I ruined her life. And I know this because, in a particular social media, she's been talking about how much her heart has been breaking. That's ok and all, sometimes people just fall harder and faster than others. But the problem isn't there. The problem is that she's also beginning to defame my partner, calling him names, saying that she might be pregnant (they used protection in the ONE time they had intercourse. I asked my partner if the condom broke or anything, he said no because he checked), and now she's at the cusp of even bringing me into the picture. Worse off, she's also friends with a few of our close friends.

My problem here is this- I can be a very angry person. I WANT to retaliate, I WANT to tell her off, to make her back off, to tell her to just get over it. But I know that any kind of acknowledgement is what she's waiting for. She wants me to go all angry and insane about the situation, even if I know better. She wants me to question my relationship, to look at my partner as the villain and her as the victim. She wants to play a game. So, how do I deal with this? How do any of you deal with people who are doing whatever they could to ruin your day? To ruin your relationships because they're angry? Is there a point at which I should retaliate? Or if I should just ignore it, any tips on how I can go on with my renewed and delightful relationship without letting her and her childish rants get the best of me?

SORRY for the long post. And I thank each and everyone of you who takes the time to read it and/or respond to it.

[gayleggg]

I think you are right, not to retaliate. If you confront her you are just going to get into her web of craziness. I would block her from you social media so that you want see all these messages she is sending out. And if any of your ofther friends starts to talk about it. Just them you are not lowering yourself to her lever refuse to talk about it. Wishing you the best

[PeachCream22]

I guess if she isn't leaving your partner alone, you should do something about it, right? I think you should start off by being patient with her, and if that doesn't work, don't lose your temper, and instead, just ...do what you think is right, which is to NOT retaliate and ignore her. I mean, what can you do about it? You're the one with the guy, he chose you over her. She should get over it, no matter how hard it is for her.

Well, what does your boyfriend think about the situation? Does he have any idea on helping you out on this?

[icinggurl]

O....M....G! I can totally relate girl! My husbands exwife has launched a campaign to 'publicly humiliate' me, whatever that means. I also struggle with wondering how to react or not react. I hate that it appears that I'm a doormat or am weak. Have you looked in to restraining orders? I agree with blocking her from social media. I did that too and then blocked some of her friends who were lashing out at me. It's rough and I don't have any great answers, but just know there are people dealing with the same crap

[Margolomania]

Thanks guys, this helped. Just letting it out and seeing icinggurl's response of her dealing with it makes it less frustrating.

PeachCream22, my guy's actually pretty disturbed. He didn't know she was going to be this way. He had a glimpse of her "troubled" personality when she started saying "I love you" to him and began suggesting that they move away together within that 2-week time frame. Then she stated that she knows who I am and that she and her whole family hated me (I was friends with her younger sister back in high school and apparently I didn't have a bad rep). It's whatever to me because that was about 10 years ago, we were kids, we grow up and we move on. But apparently, the whole family has a hard time with letting go... as it shows with this chic acting all coo coo after a short fling. Anyway, that's when he ended things with her, it was just too much. And now he's stressed out because we both just want her to go away. She's making it seem like he wrecked her life and that we did horrible things to her, when really, it's just no big deal. Just a fling!! /facepalm

Anyway, sorry, I ranted again. I will do my best to do the ignore thing, but I am keeping a look out. Our friend knows our side of the story, at least. So I guess I'm just waiting to see if she does anything else other than using social media as her weapon.

And icinggurl, sorry to hear that you're going through it. It just isn't fun. Rant away to me if you need to

[icinggurl]

Thx - nice to know people are listening (reading)! I've seen situations like that with the families hanging on to whatever 'wrong' they have decided happened to them or their relatives. If the fling girl's whole fam is doing that, well as they say, "The apple doesn't fall far from the tree." These types of situations are usually so ridiculous it's like dealing with children! I know my husband's ex seems to thrive on the drama she creates.

[icinggurl]

I'm curious - have any of you dealt with the ex dragging your own mental health history into the situation and using it against you? How do you handle it? That's what makes me the angriest! She is a self diagnosed bipolar. No doubt she's disturbed, and believe me - if she was truly bipolar, I am the last person on earth who would ever judge her for that. Ever. The way it was described to me, she would use psych symptoms to get out of things she didn't want to do. She would pull that with her ex inlaws and now when I have mental glitches that throw me off, I figure they'll think I'm doing the same thing. It's incredibly stressful. Now if she was truly mentally ill, I would NEVER criticize her for that or express my doubts on the validity of the things she's saying. I hesitate to even bring it up because I don't know your own personal situations or if people doubted whatever you've dealt with and I don't want to offend anybody. Right after I got married, I went full blown manic and then psychotic with dissociative symtpoms for the first time in my life. I was truly beyond control and I was forced into the hospital (thank god for that now). I've never fully recovered. So to be attacked after that? It's just plain cruel. She's doesn't even have her facts straight. I'm still pissed that it was leaked to her that I was in the hospital at all, but she used the kids as spies on us. She assumes I was depressed. It was quite the opposite. Hope that made sense - I'm getting a migraine -unrelated to this convo btw

[RomanSunburn]

Someone already mentioned this, but I just want to reiterate. I think you should completely block her from whatever site you're using. Make it so you can't see any of her posts ever. I'd suggest your boyfriend do the same. I don't see a problem with you just blocking anyone who wants to get involved in her drama and help her lash out at you. Just keep ignoring it. The people who love you will understand. The people who blame you don't matter. Luckily, you and your boyfriend can support each other through this.

Just keep your head up and try to refocus your thoughts when you start to get on the runaway vindictive train. Negative thoughts like that are a lot of energy! Energy I'm sure you'd rather be putting else where