[Alone&Overworked]

My husband and I have been together for over 10 years, married for 3. I bought a house shortly before we got married. He has been unemployed and was suppose to get some type a JOB. He has not been looking until recently. I have been responsible for everything around the house for the most part. He may do a few dishes or load of laundry. I work full time. He will not even go out to pick up milk if I don't tell him to. I will be told we are out of things. He does get an allowance. He nitpicks and makes a big deal of every little thing. He will often come across like I am stupid and he is more intelligent.(if so, why doesn't he have a job!) He makes comments about traveling and going places, when there is NO money. We have no savings! I have a son I need to put through college (not with him). But he does not seem to care that I am not saving. He complains about petty things we do, but does not contribute! I feel that life would be peaceful without him. Sometimes I feel like I am going to explode, because I am always trying to keep the peace. I am so angry! He has made crude, nasty comments to me in the past...now we seem more like roomates than anything. I am more independent and refuse to depend on a man (in this case its for the best). There have been times he has helped with my son, running him to an event or such, and he cannot even get him there on time. Why?!?! Any thoughts would help.

[Travelinglady]

Hello and welcome! Your name says it all. I would have a hard time dealing with this situation, too--especially since he runs you down.

Have you considered marriage counseling? If he will not go, then I suggest you go for a few sessions. Then you will have more insight into whether you think this relationship is worth saving.

Does he know how miserable you are? Could he be upset that you are doing well and he is not, so he is taking it out on you and even being passive aggressive?

[HourHand]

Wow, I feel terrible for you. This person to walks all over you, makes you feel horrible and does absolutely nothing to contribute to the betterment of the family? What purpose does he serve in your life? Do you need someone around for this reason?

If you want to save your marriage then get to counseling. If not, get him out of your house and stop torturing yourself.

You deserve respect and dignity in your own home. You deserve love too. Sounds like you're not getting anything near that. Please be good to yourself. Your son is watching how you are allowing yourself to be treated.

HourHand

[Alone&Overworked]

Originally Posted by PAYNE1

Hello and welcome! Your name says it all. I would have a hard time dealing with this situation, too--especially since he runs you down.

Have you considered marriage counseling? If he will not go, then I suggest you go for a few sessions. Then you will have more insight into whether you think this relationship is worth saving.

Does he know how miserable you are? Could he be upset that you are doing well and he is not, so he is taking it out on you and even being passive aggressive?

He was married once before...and early in our relationship he said that the ex-wife wanted to try counseling, but he would not do it. I doubt he would do it now. I told him recently how I was tired of doing everything...and I am angry, the job situation...helping around the house. He came back with he has taken care of my son and watches the dog during the day. My son is a teenager and in prior years would go to afterschool programs. In my opinion the dog does not need to be "watched" all day. How much effort does that take? He should contribute in some way. I do provide food and a roof over his head. He has also made comments about how its "Your house". He is also older than me and has chronic ailments he claims make it hard to do things. Hundreds of people with chronic knee and back problems work everyday. I am tired of the excuses. I am going to seek counseling for myself. I don't think I want to live the rest of my life like this.

[Alone&Overworked]

Thank you for your advise. I makes me feel better that I am not alone in this view.

[Alone&Overworked]

It does feel like tourture! I just want a simple life...and nothing feels simple with him. Life does not need to be this complicated. I am going to see out counseling to help me sort my thoughts. It seem the answer I keep coming up with is "GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!" But I would like him to get a job first so he can support himself (being too nice,right?)