[anxiety247]

Hi,

Hmm where to begin. LOL. Ok I am a gay woman and I have a female friend I made online whom i have got really close with. She is married and she is bi-curious. Maybe two yrs ago she crossed the lines of our friendship with sexual talk that was inappropriate. I had to distance myself from her because I do have feeling for her but I know this will never go any further. after a few months we start talking again all was going well until sex came back up and I feel right into the trap this time. Stopped talking again for awhile and then just recently it started back up the sex talks. I think from my end I am seriously lonely I havent been in a relationship for almost 3yrs plus this comes at a bad timing in my life where I am extremely vulnerable - I have some family do some rotten stuff to disowned me and it feels NICE being wanted and not rejected....But with this woman in my logical mind she is not leaving her husband and I am just setting myself up to be hurt over and over again with her. it frustrates me I try to stick to my boundaries and they get crossed. How the heck do I deal with this? Do i walk away ? Block all communications? I can't be that person where she is feeling lonely to have phone sex with.

HELP SMH

[Twigger]

I am glad to hear your perspective on this type of situation. I am in a committed (lesbian) relationship with my partner who I feel betrayed by. So I am on the opposite end of this scenario as you are. My partner has lied to me about contact with another lesbian that she met years ago on a dating site when she was still single, among many other lies. She says that they are "just friends" but she has lied to me many times in the past, so I don't know what to think. This friend sent my gf poems she wrote that professed her love to her. My gf didn't hide those, but I did ask her to be respectful to me and back off of those communications. She said she would and had, but months later, I found otherwise. Now, I have no evidence that their conversations went to a sexual or deeper level because she hid the contact and deleted all texts. But because she hid it and lied about it, and that we have a history of trust issues, I will never be able to trust that memory, her, or even me completely. My partner is the most important person that has ever been in my life and I love her immensely. I thought I was the same to her, but feel unimportant and broken because of her actions. And I can honestly say that my heart is shattered maybe irreparably. Although I choose to stay and work things out despite the lies, I will never be able to have the same amazing relationship with my partner as we could have.
I just say this to give you pause before inserting yourself into someone else's relationship. No matter what the woman you are seeing says, she won't tell you the whole story. And the whole story is that a marriage could be destroyed by your actions. Are you prepared to live with that responsibility? If the answer is yes, then there you go. But if you even hesitate, then run the other way...it isn't worth it. Good luck in your choices, I wish you all the best.

[shezbut]

Hello anxiety247,

Please forgive me if I give naive advice, but part of me is somehow living in the Dark Ages....

Have you tried joining that Social Group here: LBGT? (I think that those are all of the letters) They are a relatively big social group on PC. As far as I know, they are a very supportive and kind social group that discusses all sorts of things and predicaments. The latter part is a guess, since I haven't been in that group, but I presume that it's true.

I would have to get up and leave the area entirely. New phone number, new e-mail address, new surroundings for me to enjoy (hopefully), and preferably keep my old job. But, that's me. I am pretty weak, emotionally.

If this lady doesn't know where you live, then you don't need to go to the extreme. Change your telephone number/s. Change your e-mail address. Pick up a new hobby. Take an enriched studies course or two. Making yourself a little busier ~ and finding others that like things that you like can help make you feel a little better about your life too. I aim towards physical arts, and there are countless courses for this area!! Otherwise, there are also many different academic courses at community colleges. Finding your niche can take a little while, but, you'll get there. You may even enjoy what you take while you were on the ride searching for deep interests!

I wish you the very best. Just remember: you are strong. You are good. You will be just fine. We'll be rooting for you!

[Lonely_90]

I would try to explain to her that you enjoy her company, you want to continue to have a friendship with her, but you have feelings for her, and you know that she is never going to leave her husband for you, and it would be better if the "sex" talks stopped.

[Angel of Bedlam]

Be honest with your feelings. Tell her how you're feeling and explain what your logical mind is telling you and that her behavior neglects your feelings. See how she responds. It's unfair to keep doing this to yourself.

Sent from my SPH-D710 using Tapatalk

[anxiety247]

@Twigger - I was on the side you are going through and it is awful. I was with my last partner for 10yrs kept hoping she would change her ways. I worked to change me more hoping she would 'want" me more and it just drove me insane. With all the cheating and the lies things could never be the same no matter how much I had HOPED. Once trust is broken it is so hard to get back - like the saying "once a mirror is broken things never look the same" I had to end the relationship and it was hard but it was too unhealthy for me. I deserve better. As for this married chick she is throwing herself at me. I am not trying to break up her marriage - reason I push myself away I know the pain of being the other person who gets hurt I just wish she would stop the sexual talk - I told her before how I felt and how this is weird and I do not have conversations like this with any of my other friends. She stops the sex talk for awhile but I have noticed a pattern of when it comes up - she has trust issues with her husband and when things get bad she comes my way or she deals with mental health issues and hits some pretty dark places she comes my way. I can't and won't be that for her. It feels wrong to me because of the marriage and I carry enough guilt and do not need this too. I just need to figure how to approach her and say this isn't cool nor fair to her husband and myself.

[Truth in Ruin]

First off, you're doing the right thing by posting for advice. What I'm about to say may seem cold, but it's an outsiders view looking in. At know point do I think she is going to leave her husband. You're just a side dish to her. Her husband is the meat & potatoes, and you are peas & carrots. I believe she is poison to both you, and her husband. That being said, if I were in your shoes, I'd cut this person out of my live.

[anxiety247]

No worries on being blunt. How you explained it is pretty how I already feel. I know i need to move forward to block her out of contacting me. It will hurt bc she is my best friend and with having all issues I have friends do not come easy - i need to look towards what will help me in long run and this friendship doesn't appear to be it

[Perna]

Have you discussed with her frankly how you are not interested, just want her to be your friend? If you have only hinted and/or given in and participated, she is free to ignore your inconsistent behavior or hope you will come around after awhile. Take away her options for manipulating you with deliberate words and not allowing her to continue when she starts a sexual conversation. I would try that before I blocked her completely, especially while I looked around to see if I could find more friends both online and in person so I wasn't so vulnerable.

[Twigger]

I want trying to make you feel like a jerk, I just wanted to make the point that having the good posts of the friendship may not be worth the bad things that it causes you to feel in the end. Thought maybe out world be easier to let go remembering the other half of the situation. Good luck sweetie.

[IndieVisible]

I think she is bi-curious and basically wants to use you to try the next step. I say this because she is married and she is the one that starts sexual talks. She wants to try. If you were a friend of mine I would advise you to stay out of it. Don't be her guinea pig. I'm sure that's not what your looking for. Just my 2 cents.