[Montague_Jones2/20]

Hi. I am seeking advice about my wife. This is mostly for me and how I should handle it.

Real quick back ground. I met my wife while I was on the road, travelling. She was 18, I thought she was 19 but still. I was 32 and we hit it off. I wasn't all that comfortable with dating her,( if what we did was dating) but she would tell me to get over it. I genuinely started to really like her. Anyway, we returned back north after travelling for a while. I met her biological mother who has bipolar really bad. After 2 days we had to get out of there.

back home, we continued to see each other and I just wanted to end it before I hurt her or what ever. That's when I found out she was pregnant. So we got married and it was a bit stressful on us. Then the second on came. We had 2 children loved in a gang infested neighborhood and so on. Well anyway, my wife and I both had abusive pasts and were adopted and so on.We finally moved to a great neighborhood in the city and we had jobs and everything. Shortly after we moved, my wife lost her job, cracked under pressure ( what we came to call it) and met strangers on the internet for sex. She would be gone for days. I finally asked her to leave. We were separated for 5 months till she came back and I took her in. We were doing well... trying to move on. Then we hit our groove. We were doing great. We moved to Colorado, got jobs working together, on a resort where we had housing too. Our girls were flourishing and making friends, we were in a credit program and got a car and things couldnt be better. Then my mom had a stroke and I had to go back east. I took the girls with me and went. After I left, she was paryhing every night I guess to cure bored. I started to get worried when her emails were getting scary. I raced back to her. It wasn't till I was one state over that she told me we lost our jobs and had to move off the property. Then she told me some story about how a guy gave her a hicky while she passed out at a party. It turns out that she consented.

Anyway, long story short. Her attitude had changed completely and I took the girls back east. After a month of not talking, I got in contact with her because of the flood they had. She told me she was diagnosed with DiD. She cried for the first time. It seemed like there was hope. I told her that I will help her and that I still loved her. We talked for the whole time. Hours at a time. I made her laugh again and we were actually getting along. Well she had a session with her therapist. After that, she be came nasty mean and hurtful. She refuses to talk to me on the phone. She just texts, but ignores anything I have to say. All last week, the girls were saying good night to her and we all seemed happy. Now she blows us off. She hangs out and is hurting herself. I read the SO guide to DiD, and I want to send it yo her along with my insight to what's going on. This one I have spoken yo refers yo herself as a succubus. And when she talks about the other men she tells me about the power of taking their happiness. The control she has. Though when I ask about me, she speaks of us as a unit. I feel this Alter is the protector and aggressor. I feel she is keeping my wife at bay because the connection we had is a threat...
Does it seem I am reading too much in to it? The guide told me to just let her go do her thing and work this out, but I care for her and want to help.

[curley]

Montague, take your girls and run. And next time use some Birth Control!
This girl has more issues then Better Homes has made since the beginning of publishing.
I usually thing that working things out is the best when you have children but this woman is WOW can not even think of the words.
I would not want her to raise my children.
Sorry, I don't have better thoughts for you
Good luck

[Patagonia]

Montague
I have DDNOS & I understand having protectors, alters & aggressors. Was she also diagnosed w/ PTSD? There's something else there. Is she working w/ a T that specializes in DID or PTSD. There are special facilities she can go to where she can work on this. Sounds like the problem is distance & now your children are involved. Can you research if there's a facility in her area? Do you think she would go? That's a good question bec the alter that seems to be speaking sounds like they won't make that an option.
You do have to protect yourself & your children. They need to come first now. Yes she does need professional help, but she has to want it & needs to get it herself, you can't force her. DID is a long T process but there are many success stories.
If there's anything I can help explain or even listen to, please pm me. I wish you all the best. You're very brave for staying in her life. Most people run from DID