[Kristen1991]

I'm 21 engaged currently unemployed trying to figure out what to do with my life
I went into home schooling when I was in sixth grade I had one friend which now I am not very close to. My mother was my primary friend I went shopping with her did everything with her.
There are some unhealthy things when I was growing up but they were good parents I just suppose they were overbearing and I was completely co dependent on them
When I was young I slept in bed with them until I was probably ten binky til I was bout 8

I didn't wipe my own bum til I was 8 or so

Was very good at school but always discouraged to do things like sports or gifted classes always asked are you sure it will be a lot of time not very fun you can't quit sometimes I would say yes but later scared off from it and didn't
I was sorta pushed not to fill out for grants to continue college I was able to do college in high school but didn't follow through after I graduated

Was over fed and overweight until about 14 to which I took control and dramatically determined myself and made myself lose weight.

My father was very pushy to try things like food try these pickles mother no you won't like them I don't so I never ate any food she did which she has recently became Ill due to unhealthy diet at a young age but continues not to change it which is another subject.

The only main thing I've been able to is have boyfriends which my parents actually approve because they want grandchildren ASAP. They told me not to worry about jobs or career because I should be a stay at home mom.

Am I now engaged moved out of the house not far tho because we live rent free in a house my parents own the house which is right next door to them.
Which when I moved my mother came over constantly and pretty much did everything for me and went out with her ect. I started enjoying time to myself when she was gone and actually felt better when I accomplished things myself
She still persisted to help which I let her and went grocery shopping or went everywhere with her.

Then came to some retaliation. My fiancé pointing out that it was slightly unhealthy we had our ups and downs living together that relationship isn't perfect.

I told him of the upstairs of the building we live in is completely trashed with junk old clothes I had and never threw away because i might need it. It's like hoarders and I finally wanted to take action and work on cleaning it. My mother has a bedroom completely filled in her house like this and did it to the place we live in. I told him to put deadbolts on it which wasn't right to do behind her back but he did it for me and when she realized it she flipped out and then the separation between me and her started she talked badly on my fiancé that he was corrupting me and he had plans to put things up there and he was no good ect. Even tho it had nothing to do with him

I didn't talk to her for a week then eventually started talking to her but keeping her at arms length going to grocery store myself ect

Few weeks have passed and I gradually have started going on a weekly lunch with her but seeing her everyday for a little bit.

She is not satisfied and told my father and he confronted me and told me I need to go out with her everyday I tried explaining I wanted to discover and do things on my own and he or she did not seem to understand which I didn't really explain all of this to them until he told me that but it wasn't going anywhere and I didn't get to fully explain

I don't know how to communicate with them about all of this without being rude or mean so they understand better
I think maybe a letter? Is there something I should say to make them understand? They aren't horrible I love them. I just feel held back

[Travelinglady]

Hello, Kristen1991, and welcome to Psych Central!

There's no easy way to communicate such a message to parents like yours. I assume you are an only child? It sounds like your mom has wrapped her life around you and doesn't want to let go.

What do you want out of your life?

A letter would be easiest, since they couldn't argue face to face against what all you say. But please don't expect things to go over well. They will likely still be mad, say they are hurt and perhaps even that you are a thankless child, etc.

Parents need to be able to let go--and I think healthy parents do.

Are you able to arrange to see a counselor about these matters? With the help of a counselor, I was able to write a letter and make more of an emotional break. I was very nice in the letter, but my mom still thought it was a terrible. Mind you, she and my dad had been writing me truly terrible letters for her years and years--threatening to cut me out of their will if I didn't do what they said, saying mean things about my dear husband, etc.

In my experience, my mom tried to take over my child. We all have fared well by living across the state from my parents. (BTW, my parents evidently both had personality disorders.)

[curley]

hi Kristin, I do not know what your financial situation is but being able to move farther away may be a good solution. Basically they are still taking care of you since you do not pay for the place you are living in.
A letter may be a good idea, but it does not sound like they really care what your opinion is.
I really think moving out from right under their noses may be a good solution