[Alishia88]

I´m having problems with a friend who repeatedly cancels appointments
to meet up, at the last minute, then suggests another day and cancels that again,
for lame reasons or reasons that don´t seem necessary.

I´m getting the feeling he doesn´t really want to meet up any more
or puts every other thing before our arrangements.

What should I do? As said, when confronted about it, he gives unplausible excuses.

I´m thinking about not asking anymore to meet up but let him ask me
also not to make plans too far in advance, so I don´t get disappointed over and over

[jadzea]

I would quit making plans with them. If they initiated the get together I sill might not make plans. There is not guarantee they will show up just because they asked you to meet them. If we happened to get together and do something it would be fine but I wowuld not count on them.

[gayleggg]

I think your plan sounds like a good one. Let him set things up and not too far in advance. It sounds more like he is just not good at being dependable. And you're right it is very disappointing when someone does that, especially, several times. Maybe you could find a friend that is more dependable.

[Alishia88]

thank you guys.

Unfortunately, things haven´t changed since my initial post...

Actually I confronted him about it the last time we met up.

The thing is, that most of his excuses involve his mother.
His mother wants him to do this and that, his mother wants to take him for a driving lesson, shopping, wants him to take her dog...

I tried to be nice and kind of put it on his mom and said that it seemed like he has to do an awful lot for her, it seems to me.

And he was like: "No, not at all." (even though, other times he complains about her..)

And I said, but if he feels that he cannot say "no", that that wouldn´t be good.

(He had wanted to cancel that day too, of course...., because his mother wanted him to carry something to her apartment, I initiated him to postpone it, because I said I really wanted to meet, out of principle, because we made plans.
He did in the end, so at least we could meet for an hour and have this talk.)

He said "no, no , I can always say no, I don´t have to do anything. My mother does so much for me I want to do things for her."

I said, that if he COULD say no, then maybe he should, in case when he had already made plans with other people or a friend.

And he was like, well, when else should I do it? Tomorrow night I have to work and on the weekend you wanted to do something with me AGAIN.

I was really offended.

I called up the next day and said if he didn´t want to meet up "again" at the weekend we didn´t have to.

He said ok, this weekend wouldn´t be good. But invited me to come the next weekend.

I had a chance to work on the weekend so I asked him today if he was SURE that nothing would come up at the last second so he wouldn´t have time after all.

He said, maybe he´d have to renovate his apartment on Sunday if he wasn´t finished by Friday...

Seriously, this is getting ridiculous, I´m just getting the feeling that he doesn´t want to see me anymore.
It hurts me very much, because I don´t have very many friends.
And get togethers with him used to be a major part in feeling better for me the last 2 years, since we met.

He used to be so friendly, warm and loving in a way.
I felt respected and liked just for being myself with him, and I don´t get that a lot.

He has changed. He´s not as happy and free spirited anymore.
He said he´s depressed lately. Could that be why he doesn´t want to see me anymore and rather be alone?

I´d offer help and talk to him about his problems, but I guess it´s not what he wants.

Either way, I´m sorry if he´s feeling depressed but I don´t think it´s an excuse to treat your friends disrespectfully.

What should I do? If your answer is, make a new friend, where can I find one?

Originally Posted by Alishia88

I´m thinking about not asking anymore to meet up but let him ask me
also not to make plans too far in advance, so I don´t get disappointed over and over

This is what I'd do. You'll both avoid being disappointed and if he makes plans instead, it will be a pleasant surprise.