Feel lost

Lost I have lost the love of my life and just don't know what to do.

I've spent the last 16months with someone who made me feel so wonderful and warm and now it's gone I just feel totally lost.

I have 2 wonderful young children from a previous marriage and she said she can't see a future with me and the kids. She loves me but I'm not what she needs and she says she can't give me what I need. But I don't understand it. We've spent the last 16 months so happy. I have had issues with insecurity but that was because she told me a few months back she just wanted us as we are for the moment (having previously said she wanted us to live together / marriage etc). Having this then her taking it away did make me feel insecure and I suppose I did then pressure her. I just wanted back what we had. But all the time we still had great times. I wobbled occasionally but we managed to get through it. Then last week she told me it was over. That a future with me and the kids wasn't what she wanted.

I have done everything to make her feel loved, wanted, needed and cherished. I've never taken her for granted. We had our geeky little hobbies together, enjoyed nights out, nights in and everything in between so why has she done this. I constantly treated her, was romantic, planned surprises and we were happy. Why can't she see that I don't care about the future. This has made me realise that the present is so much more important. I just want another chance to show her but she says her mind is made up and most of the time won't respond to my texts or calls.

I feel empty with out her, like a shell. I can't stop crying. I can't motivate myself to do anything. I know I need to be strong for the kids and work but she's all I think about. Constantly. I just don't know how to go on.

How do I cope with this? How can I stop feeling so upset?

You may need to consider counseling to get through this time of grieving. It seems like the way you described it there is no chance of you getting back together. It really is better to know now than later. You have children to consider. They need someone stable in there life not someone who leaves after the children get more attachted to her. You will make it through this it will just take some work.

Here's a tough one, but love and attachment are two different things. I have no doubt that you loved her, but it's the attachment you had for her that is causing your pain. Your mind had assigned her as being a source of happiness for you and when that changed, it hurts.

Love is an emotional state that is concerned with the freedom and happiness of others. The absolute toughest thing to do is to let your love for her speak (instead of your attachment) and wish her to be happy whether or not it is with you.

You did everything you could and did everything right. That's not a blemish on you, but she just wasn't ready for what you could give. You deserve someone that is emotionally mature enough and ready for what you have to offer.

remember the song word? "if you love someone,set them free". If that someone is ready he/she will be back,but do not sit and wait for his/her return.Embrace the life and keep it real
good luck