Need help with understanding how men react to a miscarriage.

Hi,

Last month i had a miscarriage and the funny thing is that my husband called as usual and just spoke a couple of words and thats it. He is away from home and i understand that he cannot be physically present but i expected him to provide more emotional support. Rather than that he said a few words that were supposedly sounding empathetic and thats it. When i asked him for more support emotionally as i am alone and jobless, he reverts back by saying i am emotionally demanding. I was totally depressed out one day and told him that i need to talk for which he says he needs his space, the circumstance is like that and that he would have to call me back. After considerable amounts of fights he asks em to find someone else if i am not happy with him and when i ask him during one such argument whether this meant nothing to him, he ends up replying that it was just five weeks and its just a dead fetus! Although i understand that this might be a difficult thing for men to comprehend what i do not understand is that do all of them act like this? Rather is it normal behaviour, cos i am being told that men percieve miscarriage differently. Which i understand but do they not support emotionally if required?
Please revert back if you are a man and reading this. I genuinely need help.

I'm really sorry you had a miscarriage. Not all men act like this, no. Does HE normally behave like this?

At times...

Speaking on behalf of the "evil" gender, I'd be pretty depressed if that happened. How's he handling the loss? I don't know you two but if I was in his shoes...I'd be pretty bummed about the miscarriage and if I was then "nagged" about emotional support without getting any from you first, I'd be p*$$ed off.

Not judging, just trying to see things from his point of view.

I don't think that anyone can be stereo typed related to their gender and your question is framed in such a light that it assumes that there is a single answer to this that encompasses the entire male gender.

Every man is different and although men, typically are less attached in relationships, not to mention less emotional than women, that's just a generality.

With relation to your situation, he's an ***. Complete and utter jerkwad. I'm sorry but even if one can't personally relate to the pregnancy the "it's just a fetus" takes the cake for complete insensitivity to a woman and especially to the unborn child. SMH.

Perhaps, although, it saddens me to no end to know that your baby was lost, that the sliver of silver lining here is that he seems to be showing his true colors now and maybe he's right. you can find a better, more empathetic and compassionate man. There is not a doubt in my mind.

To personalize this more, I've been through it. My first wife did have a miscarriage and I was completely devastated. Just because he/she was not in MY body doesn't mean that I didn't have an attachment to the baby.

I can see your point but I don't think it sounds like that's what's going on at all. I mean I can see being upset about being nagged but his comment is completely without any attachment or sensitivity to the nature of having lost a child in a miscarriage.

Maybe he's depressed about it too and is coping by spending time alone. This is usually how I behave when depressed.

On the other hand he should understand that this affects you and provide support.

If you're both depressed then I suppose you should be supporting him as well.

Not all men act like this.

But also not all men understand pregnancy= there child. That sounds stupid but it true if he hasn't had any children before maybe he just didn't understand how much it ment to you.

Also its not just men. When I was pregnant with my daughter I was not attached to her at all untill weeks after I had her. In my mind she was a baby I didn't know so it was hard to care.

People can just be weird... You would probably be better off seeking support from another woman you are close to that has had a baby before.

I am sincerely sorry and sad about your loss
It is devastating ,i know.it happens in about 30-40% of first pregnancies and does not mean anything.you will be able to get pregnant again.
You do need comfort and care now,talk to him tell and explain that to him now ,because if he will not understand now ,he never will
I did miscarry my first pregnancy and did not get even a hug,but was silently blamed for it( had anorexia)
Have 3kids,he did not stay with me in the hospital for anyone of them,I suppose was busy to be with me during birth of his only long wanted son
How they react?j don't know,I suppose they don't express it
But it does make you feel lonely and betrayed .So if phe is talking and hearing type of a man ,tell him shortly your concern and need for emotional intimacy,otherwise it will catch up with you later on in life as resentment.everyone needs a shoulder and touch
This situation will either strengthen or undermine your relationship unless you clarify your feelings to each other .maybe he needs a hug by too macho to ask for it and hiding his feelings .talk
Best of luck and blessings