[Seiya]

I don't know if this is the right spot to put this, since I am no longer in a relationship with him. We broke up nearly 3 years ago. I don't love him anymore. I haven't moved on because I'm terrified of dating.

It ended very badly, leaving me financially screwed over. We lived together, he left suddenly, and I had to deal with the mess. Our relationship was not equal. It did not feel like he was my partner. It felt like he was my child I had to look after. I felt that I could not count on him for anything. His ideas for the future: for us to have a child, for him to stay home and care for it while I go out and work fulltime to support the three of us. He thought working fulltime would be too stressful for him to do, so instead he wants to care for a baby 24/7. Like that's not stressful?? And he's too scared to go get his drivers license. So if I get pregnant and go into labour, how will he get me to the hospital?? Will I just drive myself and he can sit in the passenger seat?? I don't want that. He couldn't even empty the garbage when it was time to empty it, yet I'm supposed to trust him to change the baby's diaper and do all those other responsible things.

He also didn't believe me when I told him that it's not easy to look after a baby, which pissed me off. I found that he often ignored things I said, but if someone else said the exact same thing he would take it seriously. He didn't value my opinion. He didn't care what my feelings were even if I told him to his face that I felt unhappy. He would just tell me that things were fine!! Communicating with him was an absolute nightmare.

Long story short: I've been feeling badly about myself for dating him. I fear telling anyone about his condition in case they wonder what was wrong with me for dating him. I often wonder what was wrong with me for putting up with him. I know it's not his fault that he is that way. If anything, that just makes it worse that he gets to act how he wants because he cant' help it, yet I am supposed to be the mature responsible one. He often told me how "strong" he thinks I am. To me, that's not a compliment. It's a burden. I need someone who can stand beside me and be a partner who contributes equally. I cannot be strong all the time. I need someone who will take care of me sometimes.

I don't know what I'm looking to get out of this post. I've tried explaining it to a couple of other people, but they didn't understand it. I am scared that I will fall choose the wrong partner again. I can't get hurt like that again.

[oldlife_disrupted]

Your situation is similar to the relationship with a person suffering from depression. Slowly but surely their problems become your problems until you can't breathe anymore.

You shouldn't feel bad about yourself for dating him. It just shows you were willing to make a difficult situation work because you were dedicated to the relationship…that's actually an attractive quality to you despite the situation being unhealthy…but don't do it again.

So if you were to take that leap and start dating again, what would you do to make sure the relationship was healthy?

[Seiya]

What would I do to make sure the next relationship is healthy.... I don't even know how to answer that. So far I am just going on dates with guys from dating sites, freaking out after one date, and not seeing them again. There was one guy I DID like even though he gave off tons of red flags right away. I saw him again. Thankfully he ended things before it went any further. If he hadn't have ended it, I don't know if I would have stopped it or kept going with it.

I have trouble letting go of bad situations. Most of the time I do realize that it is bad but I keep trying and trying until the other person dumps me. I guess I need to build up my self-esteem more or something.