[rolan86]

Hello,

So I am a college senior on break for thanksgiving, and I have a lot on my mind. First off my senior thesis is close to being due, and I have a ton of work I need to do over break for that. But that's not really what's bugging me. So pretty much I've used the dating site okcupid for about a year now, and been on two dates from it with two different girls so far. So now this one girl I met on the site wants to meet me while I'm in town, but I'm not sure I want to. I saw her profile and thought she was cute and that she was looking for casual sex so I messaged her and kept in contact. Believe me, as bad as that sounds, lonely nights in college will cause you to do that. So now she really wants to meet me and I'm really nervous about it. I don't know what will happen. I'm not sure we will vibe or what. I am incredibly nervous about losing my virginity, even at 21, but my best friend keeps telling me it just needs to happen already.

What makes this so stressful though, is that this is supposed to be my BREAK. I want to enjoy my time with my family and just relax (yeah I have a lot of school work but that isn't stressful like this situation is). It just feels so weird thinking I'm going to go from being with my parents to leaving for the day to go meet some girl who wants to have sex with me... I don't know it just feels... wrong I guess. I'm starting to feel that this stress and anxiety is going to ruin my whole break, as I'm constantly going to be thinking about what is going to happen, and won't be able to relax. This always happens to me with situations like this. Most of all, I am just sick and TIRED of having to lie to my parents about meeting these girls I meet on okcupid, by saying I'm going to just "hang out with some friend from highschool" or something. Yes, I know I shouldn't lie, but how exactly am I supposed to say I'm going to meet some girl I met online?? Might be a bit awkward! So yeah, every time I leave the house to meet a girl, I always have to think of some excuse/story for where I'm going. I'm tired of all this stress! We were going to hang out yesterday but she cancelled on me. It was the biggest relief ever, which is what's making me think twice about this all. How do I get rid of all this stress/anxiety and just enjoy my break?? She seems like a nice girl but I am just really nervous.

Well, if it feels "wrong" DON'T DO IT!

I know that sounds so trite and simplistic, but that's not how I mean it to be!

So many times I didn't "listen" to that niggling little inner voice of mine and ended up regretting it BIG TIME!

This is your BREAK! ... Do with it what you WANT to do! ... And don't let anyone GUILT or SHAME you into doing anything you REALLY DON'T WANT TO DO!

[Rapunzel]

What do you think you will feel better about next week, next month, even five years from now? Listening to what your gut feeling is screaming at you and behaving according to the values your parents have taught you, or putting yourself in a situation where you are open to compromising yourself just because you think that it's what everybody else does? (Not everybody does engage in casual sex or lose their virginity by a certain time - respecting yourself and others in your life is also a perfectly legitimate option).

[gayleggg]

If it's ruining your break then don't do it. Enjoy being with your family and let all this other stuff go until you are ready and that's probably not with some girl you meet on the internet.

[FrayedEnds]

That relief you felt when she cancelled last minute means something.
Living with regret is pretty much a fact of life. You can regret losing your virginity casually or you can regret not meeting this girl. One is much easier to overcome than the other. Like everyone else is saying, listen to your gut.

Originally Posted by rolan86

I am incredibly nervous about losing my virginity, even at 21, but my best friend keeps telling me it just needs to happen already.

Great friend you've got there. Age has nothing to do with it and it's not something that "has to happen" at any certain point in your life. You're right to be nervous and I commend you for keeping your virginity as long as you have. Thing is that it's not a status thing and your friend should go jump in the lake if they judge you for being a virgin. It should be at the time you're comfortable and it should be with someone thats definitely important and special to you. This casual sex thing, I'm guessing here, will just leave you empty after. I have never had the "casual" sex thing and I'm old fashioned in this but I'm pretty sure I'm dead on.

You haven't even met this girl and you're contemplating sacrificing what you want to do for yourself, taht is, relax and enjoy your family? NO. Just no. She is not even one you are sure of will stick around or that you'll even hit it off yet so that's far from actually making this sacrifice for a girlfriend of x years or what not. It's just way too early to start bending your life around her wants or needs.

If you are uncomfortable with the idea, then don't do it. It's not the makings of a good relationship start.

In all I think you're pondering things for the wrong reasons. You shouldn't even be pondering sex with this girl but if you even do meet her, to enjoy your time, get to know each other and have fun first.

hope this helps
S4