[gon3withth3wend]

So I met this guy in October on (smartphone sort of dating app) and we quickly arranged to meet in person. He's really attractive, has a good job, makes me laugh - pretty cool guy, though he has some jerky qualities. Anyways, after meeting a few times we started sleeping together and texting daily. I'm in college, and when I went home for winter break, he texted me every day. It felt so good that someone thought of me. Every day. Even though things started out mostly sexual (no title) I started to think of him as a friend. He was the only person that texted me every day when I was home. I had the best sex of my life with him. Well he has been talking to me less and less - about every other day for the past two weeks and now not since Saturday. He always texts back and he snapchats me sometimes but I feel like he is starting to withdraw from me and I really want him to tell me why. He used to tell me that I was the only girl in his life and even let "love" slip out a couple times. I never said it back. I'm thinking of everything I might've done or said wrong... Then maybe there's just the three month thing or maybe he doesn't want me to expect anything on valentines day so he's ignoring me..... I don't want to seem clingy because we don't have a title and it's understood that we won't really be official, so I'm hesitant to ask straight up what I did wrong or to accuse him of withdrawing... I'm thinking asking "are you getting tired of me" might be a bad idea... But I don't want to annoy him either! If he wants to stop seeing me, I want to have a real conversation and hopefully have sex one more time. I just feel like I need closure.. Am I wrong to feel that way? How should I approach him? How much of my feelings should I share with him (how I feel like he is one of my best friends here and I hate the way things are ending and if he just wanted to sleep with me, he could've done that. We didn't need to hang out or text every day.) is it wrong to ask why, should I just let things run their course? I think about him constantly.

[Jasmina]

It sounds like he quite possibly became attached. Men have emotions just like women. The only difference is the way in which they process and express them. My experience is that men need to fulfill their need for autonomy. It's easy to get caught up in the moment with a wonderful person and forget who you are as an individual. My advice to you is to stay calm and wait it out. Do not chase him!!! He will only want to withdraw the more you pursue. It's their nature to like the chase. I use to drive myself insane (I still do from time to time) trying to figure out 'why this', 'Why that' or 'was it something I said?' Stop focusing on him. Turn to activities you enjoy and he will seek you out. Men respond quicker to actions rather than to words. If it turns out that he doesn't make an effort to contact you, then at least you didn't text or call him with the dreaded question, " Did I do or say something to push you away?"
I wish I had someone when I was younger to give me this advice before getting my heart broken countless times. Be mysterious. Let him wonder where he stands with you. Right now, he's behind the driver's seat. Take control. You can do it. I sure hope it works out. You are a prize and worth it!

[gon3withth3wend]

I have a feeling that at one point he was pretty attached. He was always the one that would initiate conversation multiple times daily, and it seemed as though he would even bring up the most boring things just to talk. I grew to like that about him. He says he isn't into relationships but I feel like he's the one that kind of made us feel like one.

I definitely don't want to chase him, but my heart sinks a little every time I get a text and it isn't from him. I just want to say hi... How long should I wait? If he never talks to me again I'll never know why he stopped. And I'm pretty sure that anything I say, he'll respond... I just don't know if I'll be annoying him even if I just said "hey, hope you've been having a good week!" Maybe his feelings changed? Maybe he met someone better than me? The thing is that he can be really mean sometimes but I still like him and miss him so much.

I'm so busy with school that I shouldn't have time to worry about him, but he just creeps in and distracts me from everything. My phone sent a blank text from him last night, and I kind of wanted to say something about it... But what if he didn't text me? Ugh I hate stressing about guys

[x_BabyG_x]

I'm in a similar situation haha and it sucks! I'd defo leave it... If he doesn't respond within a week then give him the "hey sorry I haven't been in touch, how are you?" Message. I wish I had more advice for you and for myself also! X

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sorry to hear he is treating you so poorly.............

life lesson (from a guys perspective) - nothing is a sexy as a girl who will NOT have premarital sex. And few things are as disappointing than your image of a girl who does give it up........

I know - we (men) are jerks on this. We push for it and then once we get it - we are bored.

[gon3withth3wend]

Well I texted him earlier just to say hi because I couldn't handle it! He texted back twice since I responded. Said he had been crazy busy with work but seemed excited to talk to me, as normal. I'm pretty sure that the only way he'd get bored with me is if he met someone else, and that's a fear of mine.. I don't want to be in a real relationship with him but I don't want him to be with anyone else. I guess I can't just imagine a guy being okay with giving up good sex for no sex.

I wouldn't ever want to marry a guy I hadn't slept with. As a female, I have the same right as a guy does to seek pleasure. Double standards are horrible! We started talking daily after we started having sex, and that would be unnecessary if he were just going to get rid of me... But knowing him I think he might do it just to hurt my feelings.

[healingme4me]

Originally Posted by gon3withth3wend

Well I texted him earlier just to say hi because I couldn't handle it! He texted back twice since I responded. Said he had been crazy busy with work but seemed excited to talk to me, as normal. I'm pretty sure that the only way he'd get bored with me is if he met someone else, and that's a fear of mine.. I don't want to be in a real relationship with him but I don't want him to be with anyone else. I guess I can't just imagine a guy being okay with giving up good sex for no sex.

I wouldn't ever want to marry a guy I hadn't slept with. As a female, I have the same right as a guy does to seek pleasure. Double standards are horrible! We started talking daily after we started having sex, and that would be unnecessary if he were just going to get rid of me... But knowing him I think he might do it just to hurt my feelings.

Glad you heard from him. Being busy at work, doesn't translate to seeking out others, which is a positive. Though I can read you stressing, sounds like you give space? Am I correct?

You'd be surprised that not all men, seek out others, back to back to back, so to speak. Sometimes, no sex, can mean, just not getting sex from someone who's going to be well, a pain. If that makes sense?

I like the advise, on being mysterious. Good, sound advice. Perhaps, your friend doesn't want to be any more clingy, as do you?

I'm of the same opinion, as you, about wanting pre-marital sex, before marrying, not for the sake of testing out the merchandise, so to speak, but because, that's another aspect of relationships, that sometimes, can wreak havoc in a relationship, and it's nice to make sure, that you know a person from every aspect, before signing on the dotted line. Why should there be a double standard? Men don't want to end up with a frigid person, any more than a woman does. Because, it can work both ways, there.

Hope things go a bit smoother. A little mystery, with a bit of showing attention and interest, goes a long way.

[aleej28]

I was seriously in the almost exact same boat as you a while ago except this was with my best guy friend who and we hadn't done anything together or anything...just every now and then I wouldn't hear from him for a few days or he wouldn't respond to my texts or calls...I remember one time I text him a few times in a row because I could see he had read my messages but never replied and I finally sent him something along the lines of "well I can see you've read them but you're not gonna reply and if that's how you wanna be then fine". The next day he explained that sometimes he just wants to recharge alone and also not seem clingy (again, we were just friends and I never 100% understood what he meant by that). Guys are just weird! But im.glad you heard from him

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Originally Posted by gon3withth3wend

I guess I can't just imagine a guy being okay with giving up good sex for no sex.

It happens. There are plenty of reasons...morals, desires, needs, stress, schedule. You'd be surprised why.

I'm glad he contacted you again. Limbo is a terrible place to reside.

[Jasmina]

I'm also glad he texted you. I hate it that you're so stressed over this. It will only drive you insane trying to figure anyone out- including female friends. We are so complex- each and every one of us, that it would be impossible to understand the reasoning behind their actions. This is only your own mind and thoughts trying to grab for answers that have been built upon the foundation of your life experiences. His is much different from yours. My point is to try as best you can to stop dwelling. And believe you me, I know far too well about dwelling. Begin to only see him as a dear friend with no expectations. When you begin to change your perspective and the way you view the relationship you both share, happiness will surely follow.
Go with the flow of life. Enjoy him for who he is and accepting who he isn't.
It's not easy and will be difficult at first. But just try and see what happens.
I really must follow my own advice. Lol