[Angel of Bedlam]

So last year after a horrible breakup with my emotionally and sexually abusive ex, I wound up on my mother's doorstep with my then 3-year-old son in the middle of the night with nowhere to go. I haven't lived with my mom since I was 17, so the transition was rocky, but after we both started treatment, things got better.

I pay rent to my mother and purchase nearly all the household items (I make not even a third of what my mother makes, but I do my share). That split I don't feel is fair as I literally scrape by and feel as though I'll never be able to save up and get back out on my own. She is always complaining about how I'm breaking her financially, but I try not to listen.

The problem as of late for me is the distribution of household chores. My mother and I have an agreement that during the week, the house is my responsibility. I do this. Every day I do dishes, vacuum, dust, pick up, take out trash, etc. The split comes that on the weekend, she does the chores and gives me a break.

She's not doing this. I literally spent 2 and a half hours Friday, and an hour Saturday cleaning and was only told of the tasks I didn't do and how what I did "wasn't really that much." I'm used to hearing this during the week, but when picking up her slack on the weekend I start to become intensely angry.

My mom is bipolar, so I'm trying to be understanding because I think she's in a low but I'm feeling drained and unappreciated. How can I get her to help if she's low? I realize that asking her to do as much as usual is insensitive when she's low, but doing it all (and being scrutinized for it) is starting to drain me emotionally and physically.

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[Travelinglady]

Oh, my, that is a tough one. If she is depressed, then one of her characteristics will be having trouble doing anything. And I think trying to push her too much would make things worse.

What I am wondering is does she get treatment--see a psychiatrist, take meds, see a therapist?

I hear you saying that you two would not be able to hire much outside help. Off hand, I would suggest you try to do the minimum you can live with and just let some things go for awhile. And just tell her that you are doing the best you can, and it doesn't help for her to criticize you, especially if she isn't living up to her bargain......(Alas, depressed people can be very crabby, too. I know from experience.)

[Angel of Bedlam]

Originally Posted by Travelinglady

Oh, my, that is a tough one. If she is depressed, then one of her characteristics will be having trouble doing anything. And I think trying to push her too much would make things worse.

What I am wondering is does she get treatment--see a psychiatrist, take meds, see a therapist?

I hear you saying that you two would not be able to hire much outside help. Off hand, I would suggest you try to do the minimum you can live with and just let some things go for awhile. And just tell her that you are doing the best you can, and it doesn't help for her to criticize you, especially if she isn't living up to her bargain......(Alas, depressed people can be very crabby, too. I know from experience.)

She was seeing a therapist along with her pdoc but stopped seeing both pretty much and just take meds. I think treating a mental health illness requires more than meds, but I wouldn't know much about her because BPD is such a different beast.

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[middie]

Maybe try sitting down when you are both calm and saying that you are worried/concerned about her as you are trying to do the best you can and you feel it isn't good enough and take it from there.......its difficult but try not to get emotionally charged or drawn into the 'you do' 'I do' conversation regarding the house work and what you are paying for.

If you try and work at it from the angle of caring for her and concern then I am sure she will see that you are trying to help.......sending a big hug for support x