[emptyandhostile-]

things have been so crappy lately, we've been at each other throats, I feel this distance between us. We have been living off of barely nothing, some days are fine, most days are hell. We used to be so happy, we used to be able to not keep our hands off of each other, and yes i know some couples go through a "honey moon " phase, but at times it doesn't even seem like he likes being around, like i'm sort of burden. We are both trying to get back on our feet at the same time, and It's been rough. Our personalities clash. I'm in constant need of affection, and reassurance, and he has a hard time communicating, and giving me what i need. this never used to be a problem for him. so him just saying " I'm trying, I can't help it I have anxiety issues" isn't enough right now, and makes me doubt how he actually feels about me.

I don't even know how things got this way, trying to figure it out is mental torture. I have tried talking things out it doesn't seem to get us anywhere. I know every couple goes through rough patches, but this is just brutal. We have been together for a year, and living together for awhile. We just got our own apartment, and while trying to get everything set up we got bed bugs. I have been running on no to little sleep. So I have been quick to snap out with trying to get the landlord to send someone over to spray the apartment. I have been trying to either go to school (which didn't work because I have been in a rough state mentally and I didn't feel like I was ready for it at the time ) I'm just trying so hard. I don't know how to get help mentally, I think I may have borderline personality disorder, something is terribly terribly wrong with me and it's ruining my life/relationship, and making my days bleak and drag on. some days I don't even want to get out of bed. I just feel so alone, I don't feel like I can get help anywhere, I feel extremely hopeless. everything is just crumpling all around me.

When I'm out in public I feel jumpy, and paranoid, today I almost had a full blown panic attack the 15 min. walk home. I just feel like i'm the verge of snapping , and it honestly scares me. I keep telling myself things will get better but they never seem to, they only get worse. I don't know what to do anymore. Memories flood in to my brain, and I'll I want right now is a stiff drink to get me through this night. I'm so angry and I don't even know why. my emotions right now are overwhelming, and I feel empty as always, just urgh **** life

[Travelinglady]

Hello and welcome to Psych Central! To begin with, having to live hand to mouth is stressful on any couple. Then all the difficulties with day to day living--all the details that need to be dealt with such as bed bugs, an uncooperative landlord, etc.

All the stress could be bringing out some issues in you. You two are now very dependent on each other and trying to learn how to be a couple. That said, it could be you are showing signs of a personality disorder, such as borderline, as you mentioned.

I suggest you check around to see if there is a clinic you could go to, so you could talk to someone. Some of these clinics just take what people can pay. I think you and your partner, if he would go, could use a counselor, too.....If you are the least bit religious, and a pastor is willing (he might not be with a couple just living together), then you could talk to him.