need help with relationship

Ive been going out with this girl for many years now she moved back to Ny im in mass we talked just a couple weeks ago about getting married now she is not sure about if things dont work I admit I wasnt keeping in touch as much as I should because of a bad week crippling deppression I decided I wanted to get better quit smoking and caffeine for less anxiety but now my world is torn I am angry at her but now if I show that it will make things worse I need some help

Well if she's reacting to the fact that you haven't kept in touch as well as you could or should, why are you mad at her? instead maybe you should be doing some communicating now to let her know it wasn't anything to do with her but that you were having issues personally. Apparently communicating with you regularly is important to her so shift your thinking to how you can provide for her in this way and help her to understand what happened and how you're going to handle situations like this differently in the future. Be proactive. Now you know, if you are not keeping in touch with her, and give no explanation, it sets her off, so figure out a way that you can deal with it if the situation arises later, and put that on the table and talk about it.

I can't imagine that after this long she would just write you off if you make attempts to remedy the situation.

but first quit being mad at her for her reaction to something you indeed did do.