[CSSKH1]

Death*drugs*divorce.. that pretty much sums up life for me for the last 9 years. I am here in hopes of finding sound support. I have been married to one man for 27 years, I have 2 grown children, and lost a third when she was 16 to A.L.L. cancer,which she had a relapse from when she was 11. Oldest daughter 2 months after started using heroin, continued until incarcerated 2 years ago. She is now 26 and had her first baby, my first grandchild in July of this year. My deceased daughter was the middle child, then I have a 22 yr old grown son, who also started using heroin about 6 months following his sisters habit. My husband came out saying his was a addict of prescription drugs and i had no idea at all!! He was using them while we were serving a church service mission. I was blind sided. I flt betrayed and left. Both my kids had moved out on their own, my husband and I have been separated for over a year, just getting back together recently. He blames me for breaking up the family and leaving when he needed me most. I blame him for tearing our family apart by his selfish act of using. Needless to say, we don't really like each other any more. There isn't a day that I'm not verbally abused. He has stopped providing for me and basically only does what is necessary. I had to get a job after being a full time mom and wife most of my life, qualified to do nothing. So I make very little money, yet he continues to opt out of life. I understand his mental status right now, but life doesn't stop.. the bill collectors still call.. It has gotten so bad that I have chosen to file for divorce. The problem I have is being alone. Im sure it will all work out for the best, whatever that is.. Im a deeply religious person and have great faith in my higher power... I am at the very beginning of the filing process. He is accepting of it, but is playing extremely nice so I done really know whats going on in his head. I know im in for a long emotional ride, I appreciate any suggestions for coping.

[healingme4me]

Anytime, people start being super-nice and out of character, I question intent. It's suspect, to say the least.

I have often said, it's better to be alone, than with someone who mistreats us, which leaves a feeling of loneliness that supersedes just being alone.

Sorry for your losses and heartbreaks. Is your grandchild, now a part of your daily life? Can always find solace in grandchildren.

Have you ever tried alanon or other similar support groups? How's your religious social circle, are there supportive people around you, to be there for you, through all of this?

Heroin, is quite the drug; do you know, if your children started with prescription pills? Perhaps, dipping into your stbxh's stash? There's usually a beginning, before reaching out for that particular drug. I've known of a few people that became addicted, my dad's youngest brother is now incarcerated for the rest of his life, due to his struggles with heroin. Deep down, it's a better place for him. He actually made, the state news, as a media story, a couple years back. My dad, had called and told me, to watch for it.

[gayleggg]

You have had more than your share of heartbreak. I think you are doing the right thing considering how your husband has treated you. It is hard for a controller to lose control. They often seem to change only to gain control again. Like hoping you will change your mind so things can go back to normal abusive life. Best wishes to you.