[emma87]

I am with my bf of 5 yrs and he says he suffers from depression and has all his life. The first yr in our relationship was amazing and so fun. After this, he started to become lazy and complacent about life and also our relationship. He would spend all day in bed. He would focus on motorcycles every hr of the day rather than get a job, work towards our future or spend time with me.
Over the years he started to become increasingly aggressive and angry towards the rest of the world and me. He would snap at me about everything, everyone was out to get him and he would be dismissive of me and our relationship.

Throughout all of this, i would pay for everything as he still had no job and when he had money he would spend it all on motorcycles. He would not come home till 2am every night as he would be distracting himself with motorcycles.

Over time he became increasingly lazy regarding our relationship; would make no effort and i honestly cannot remember the last time he did something thoughtful. When I would bring this up, he would get angry and say he has so much stress in his life trying to get a job and money and that he feels like killing himself every day that i should be more understanding. It would always end up with me trying to make him feel better. Especially in this last year he would tell me to shut the ***** up up in front of people when i spoke as he hated any attention not on him. He is very charming, loud and happy to everyone else besides his family and myself.

I feel that i cant do anything right, i pay for everything, everything is always my fault and he makes no effort regarding our relationship. Is he just severely depressed, emotionally abusive or should i just cut my losses and move on as nothing i have tried over the last 4 years, seems to work or even make any improvements?????

[FrayedEnds]

Hi emma I'm sorry you are in this situation. He is absolutely emotionally abusive! Whether he's depressed or not, his behavior is terrible. It doesn't seem like his depression is so serious that it effects his love of motorcycles one bit. His threatening to kill himself can be a form of emotional blackmail...his goals being sympathy, an excuse for him to continue to be lazy, just wanting you to stop "nagging", keep financially supporting him, etc.
You deserve better emma

[jadzea]

It sounds like your relationship is going downhill fast. Think of the situation from his side. He doesn't have to work yet he has his needs met. He also somehow is getting money if he is investing in motorcycles. He has no responsibillity and can stay out as late as he wants to hang out with is friends and partake in his hobby. When he is ready to call it a night he has a warm house and a warm woman to go to. He doesn't have to control his emotions because when he gets nasty nothing happens to him. He has no reason to change.

You are the only one that can change this situation. Stop making things so easy for him. Lots of people are depressed and do not act as he does. It is fine to help someone out when they are financially strapped but not working is his lifestyle. You are worth so much more. Find someone else who is willing to be a full partner and leave this bozo in the dust.