Continued sadness...

Hi everybody, I am new here.

Found this forum on Google, and wanted to air my piece as it were.

I am 34 and have had a mental health issue since I was 17, however as things stand now, I have the following issues. this will be long and tl;dr, so I will summarise at the bottom for those who have no time/don't want to read the full extent:

- Continued sadness, based on numerous things, such as not having as many friends as I'd like, not have a girlfriend, regrets/resentment (I don't believe in the concept of regrets since what is done is done, but then I admit in honesty this is so), a lack of privacy, cognitive dissonance, and idiot family members (I know some would object to that, but then it's conflicting feelings).

- I mentioned cognitive dissonance above, but then I guess I am having many attitudes/beliefs that I held when younger challenged and it makes me feel confused. I know this is a good thing, and I am generally an open-minded person who seeks knowledge, however the confusion comes from double-perceptions, I'll give an example. In honesty, I don't like contemporary psychology and psychiatry. I think it's not objective/scientific as it used to be, and uses spirituality and subjective/personal morality to justify its conclusions.

An example is the Sanity test (I scored 40 incidentally), but then the test said "do you binge drink?" Well, many people do, so most people hold a pathology? Well in my generation and below it was/is the norm. When I raise this with others, they cite that psychiatry still IS science-based, an use evidence to suggest that meditation and other things are promoted due to evidence in calming the mind and brain, but I remain sceptical on that. Yes, I said I value an open-mind, but I also have a good sense of intuition. Many people I know say my suspicions are quite often accurate, and my instincts say the opposite. Maybe I bring this on myself to some degree, but I remain convinced there is an agenda to promote ill in psychiatry. Also, I reckon psychiatry is trying to force society to be spiritual like Tibet, and whilst I was raised a Christian I am now a non-theist and was never exposed to Eastern beliefs (though I have some friends/associates who are Hindu and I like their culture, but that's a digression).

I think the biggest thing affecting me though in honesty is that I let others control my moods, but what they say and what they do. It's silly since no other person is or should be so important. A recent example is a yoga teacher I met about a year ago. I attended her classes, and as I had to cease for a little while due to exams at uni, she welcomed me back warmly. We continued to chat on e-mail a lot and she confided in me some personal stuff (I won't say exactly here, even if she somehow ever reads this). She moved venues and after one time she gave me a lift back to my home town (we live in a small country so it's not that far to go) as she had to meet a friend in hospital and we stopped off at a bakery and offered to by me some food (I said no, since I don't like others having to go out of their way for me).

But when I go to classes, I dunno she sometimes seems cold. Maybe it's me, but again I seem a bit confused. I guess one thing is that she is cute/attractive, so this is affecting my judgment here (she is of Indian descent and those who know would get why I chose my username lol..) I guess it's that I thought this was finally my chance to obtain a full friend circle, but if it doesn't pay off so be it. I have other avenues I am exploring, but I don't know I'm just confused.



So to summarise as promised:

- I continually feel sad for various reasons, but I look for solutions. I try to distance myself from family I don't like (I don't like them since they're smothering, judgmental, and ask invasive questions), I pursue social activities to get more friends, and I improve myself to get a girlfriend/partner. I think in honesty I need to lose some weight (i've lost some lately) and be more open/engaging. I also resent not going to uni at 18 as many others do/did.

- I get confused/cognitive dissonance easily, and I distrust the agendas of institutions. I also want to get standard/normal knowledge that most have, as I think this prevents me getting friends/a gf.

- I am confused by the actions of my yoga teacher. I reckon she is attractive, but then she acts friendly and then cold. I feel a bit disheartened but am willing to rise above it.

Hey first off, welcome to P Central! I may be way off, but I think the answer to finding discontinued sadness is simple! You just need a little more self-assurance is all! For me when I let my insecurities get the best of me, I feel sad, uncertain, confused and resentful! All the best!!

Hello and welcome to Psych Central! I am assuming you are thinking about the trends toward meditation/adjusting thinking processes (CBT), etc. as evidence that psychiatry/psychology is getting less scientific. I have considered these trends, and I lean toward the idea that we need help from every avenue we can get until we are able to learn more about what's happening in the brain and how to more directly intervene! I even tried hypnosis, and I do believe it helped me to get rid of some of my anger from the past. (Well, hypnosis was the big deal with Freud initially until he was scared off of it. Then he just had people relax and say whatever came into their heads--free association.) Are you saying you don't want to see a therapist or psychiatrist because of these trends? (Just wondering. I'm probably putting words into your mouth.)

I assume you mean that lots of young people engage in binge drinking? I don't know many people in their thirties who are big binge drinkers, though. I know it's common with some folks, but I assume the issue is whether it can be controlled and only done occasionally and not associated with alcoholism and maybe using alcohol as a way of avoiding problems.

I was surprised myself at how much emphasis on drinking was in the sanity test, but it has been validated as a good test, so there must be some reason why it can be seen as a problem. At least I scored lower as a result.

As far as your yoga instructor, my take on her behavior is that she feels like she needs to emphasize her role as your teacher--not your friend--when you are in class with her. So, I don't think you need to be greatly concerned about this issue. (I used to be a teacher.)

I'm not sure about your sadness, but I am wondering if your trying to distance yourself from others is playing a role. But, then, some family members do need to be held at a distance from my experience! I know it's tough not to have close friends. I am thinking you are looking at how things are in your life and how they could be, which can definitely bring on sadness.

It sounds like you are working on yourself, which is great. Maybe you can get some more insights here. And gradually head more toward the way you would like to be.

I hope I helped a bit, anyway! At least I tried!

It's not so much insecurities, but then feeling a bit lonely. I also do think I let others control my emotions in that negative comments affect me too much. I think I should realise that not everybody does or will give a damn about me, so such is life.

Well I guess it in a sense irks me since it undermines everything I thought before about what medicine was. But then I accept we are always subject to new information and I don't believe in rigidity, but it takes time to adjust. I'm just sceptical of why this change has occurred, but then maybe I need to research it more.
I guess this could be true. I actually had a class this evening, but we had a good talk for about 30 mins beforehand as other students could not come. I'll see how things go though.

Well thanks for your comments. However, I feel uncomfortable around some family, as I they always pick up on me being reserved/quiet and it annoys me since it's how I am and can't really change.