[emptyandhostile-]

so I know quite a bit about my boyfriends previous history with women.
I know that most of them in my opinion are prettier than me.
He really likes women with a big booty, short hair, and pale skin,
he hates women with crooked bottom teeth... which i have and tan skin because apperantly it's gross
i havve a small butt, and medium length hair.
I kind of went behind his back, and figured out all of this.
i feel like at time he's un-attracted to me. I've kind of let myself go over the past few months. my skin is breaking out, i've gained weight, my hair is dry and damaged, and i just look like crap in general. I don't really wear makeup anymore or get out of the house much I've just been so depressed lately
I constantly picture him with past girlfriends/friends and I feel like I'm about going to go in a jealous rage I don't understand. I go through his old msgs on fb and I have made him block other women on fb before that I felt like they were a threat to me. He's never cheated on me, but I think I'm just really insecure and afraid of him leaving me for someone else because I never feel good enough. I know he is getting sick and tired of this behavior, but I can't bring myself to change.

He's been in abusive relationships with women before so I feel bad because I can be quite controlling at times, and sometimes I freak out and put my hands on him. I haven't done it in awhile.

Sometimes I feel like he would rather be with some else who was prettier and more happier. I don't want to push him away, I want to be able to trust him. I don't want to hurt him anymore. I need advice desperately

[gayleggg]

If he hates women why are you dating him?

[Melmo]

I know what it's like to look back at previous girlfriends and compare, it sucks when you feel inferior. He's with you now though, so he is obviously attracted to you right?

Edited because I read the rest. I know it's hard but you need to stop acting like the jealous girlfriend, it'll only push him away. You have to try to trust him. If he cheats on you, then it isn't meant to be. I am still working on trusting people so I do know how hard it is but you can do it *hugs*
Have you tried therapy for self esteem and anger issues?

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Just my opinion..... but I think you should go for the world record to see just how far you can KICK that butthole to the curb.

[Melmo]

Originally Posted by Useless Me

Just my opinion..... but I think you should go for the world record to see just how far you can KICK that butthole to the curb.

How the hell is he a butthole??

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if he isn't putting his gf first??? Then he IS an ****.

Originally Posted by emptyandhostile-

so I know quite a bit about my boyfriends previous history with women.
I know that most of them in my opinion are prettier than me.
He really likes women with a big booty, short hair, and pale skin,
he hates women with crooked bottom teeth... which i have and tan skin because apperantly it's gross
i havve a small butt, and medium length hair.
I kind of went behind his back, and figured out all of this.
i feel like at time he's un-attracted to me. I've kind of let myself go over the past few months. my skin is breaking out, i've gained weight, my hair is dry and damaged, and i just look like crap in general. I don't really wear makeup anymore or get out of the house much I've just been so depressed lately
I constantly picture him with past girlfriends/friends and I feel like I'm about going to go in a jealous rage I don't understand. I go through his old msgs on fb and I have made him block other women on fb before that I felt like they were a threat to me. He's never cheated on me, but I think I'm just really insecure and afraid of him leaving me for someone else because I never feel good enough. I know he is getting sick and tired of this behavior, but I can't bring myself to change.

He's been in abusive relationships with women before so I feel bad because I can be quite controlling at times, and sometimes I freak out and put my hands on him. I haven't done it in awhile.

Sometimes I feel like he would rather be with some else who was prettier and more happier. I don't want to push him away, I want to be able to trust him. I don't want to hurt him anymore. I need advice desperately

Looking at his past and who he's dated and stuff. That's just irrelevant. why? he's with you isn't he? everyday he remains with you, he is obviously choosing you over anyone else. Why ruin that with fears that are baseless like someone's past?

[FrayedEnds]

I don't see where he's not putting her first.
emptyandhostile I agree with JustWantToBeNormal. Your behavior is going to push him away. Exactly what you don't want. It IS hard to trust, but just because you feel like you're not his 'type' doesn't mean he doesn't want to be with you. You didn't mention anything that makes me think he's unhappy with your looks (but he is unhappy with how you deal with your anger and insecurities)
Stop comparing yourself to exes, stop putting yourself down and work on your anger issues. Good luck!

[Melmo]

Originally Posted by Useless Me

if he isn't putting his gf first??? Then he IS an ****.

Where does it say that?

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Originally Posted by JustWantToBeNormal

Where does it say that?

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idk either. I was baffled myself.

[Melmo]

Originally Posted by s4ndm4n2006

idk either. I was baffled myself.

Yea I'm confused lol

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[hermitix]

My first boyfriend was the way you describe yourself, with me. He was controlling, insecure, jealous, had a bad temper, and and would obsess over me thinking another guy was attractive. It ended up pushing me away completely to the point that his fears came true -- I did seek out other people, desperately trying to end the relationship.
It is a difficult thing to quiet these very strong fears, but like everyone else says, what matters is that he is with YOU. Maybe you can be open with him and let him know that you're having trouble with self-esteem and insecurities. If he responds with compassion and understanding, then great, but if he gets upset or thinks you're crazy, then it's definitely time to kick him to the curb. Good luck! Keep us updated.

Originally Posted by Useless Me

Just my opinion..... but I think you should go for the world record to see just how far you can KICK that butthole to the curb.

Why do you say that? he doesn't sound like he's done anything, and she admits that this is probably her insecurities. he has not cheated. Nothing in her post warrants this.

Although she said "he hates women" nothing in what she said even substantiates this assumption.. I'd rather hear her explain as to why she thinks he hates women before judging him on this.

Originally Posted by JustWantToBeNormal

Where does it say that?

Sorry - maybe I am stupid.... but the title of the post starts with finding out i'm not my bf's preference

That sounds like not being put first (IMO).

Originally Posted by Useless Me

Sorry - maybe I am stupid.... but the title of the post starts with finding out i'm not my bf's preference

That sounds like not being put first (IMO).

NO, you are not stupid, even if you misunderstood >.>

But yeah the title's a bit misleading. She's making many assumptions.

[FrayedEnds]

also...preferences can change. especially preferences based only on looks.
personally, my 'type' has changed more times than I can count.

Originally Posted by FrayedEnds

also...preferences can change. especially preferences based only on looks.
personally, my 'type' has changed more times than I can count.

Preferences change, all the time, plus... as in my own life, sometimes what you may normally be attracted to might change simply becuase you like more than just what a girl looks like. I tend to not pick a "type" or a look at all. but I tend to enjoy smaller women when looking around. That being said, the girl i like now is beautiful in spite of not being necessarily typical of what I tend to look at. Because I like HER for more than just that.

Could be a good thing for the OP. Maybe he does have preferences but has overlooked those to be with her and finds her attractive in more ways than what is skin deep.

[FrayedEnds]

Originally Posted by FrayedEnds

my 'type' has changed more times than I can count.

I've been with my husband for 20 years so of course I'm only talking about what's aesthetically pleasing to the eyes.

[Melmo]

Originally Posted by Useless Me

Sorry - maybe I am stupid.... but the title of the post starts with finding out i'm not my bf's preference

That sounds like not being put first (IMO).

That makes no sense. Do you have a preference for guys you date or are you just attracted to every guy you see? So because he has preferences (that he didn't even point out btw, she found out some other way) he's not putting her first? Lol ok.

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[Melmo]

Originally Posted by s4ndm4n2006

Maybe he does have preferences but has overlooked those to be with her and finds her attractive in more ways than what is skin deep.

This

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Originally Posted by JustWantToBeNormal

That makes no sense. Do you have a preference for guys you date or are you just attracted to every guy you see? So because he has preferences (that he didn't even point out btw, she found out some other way) he's not putting her first? Lol ok.

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Actually that he picks her everyday to be his gf, she actually is overlooking that she is his #1 preference if you ask me. If I prefer something else but pick YOU, I've just changed my preference to yOU>

[FrayedEnds]

Originally Posted by s4ndm4n2006

Actually that he picks her everyday to be his gf, she actually is overlooking that she is his #1 preference if you ask me. If I prefer something else but pick YOU, I've just changed my preference to yOU>

thanks s4. that's perfect

[Melmo]

Doesn't necessarily mean he is changing his preference, ever hear the saying love is blind?

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Originally Posted by JustWantToBeNormal

Doesn't necessarily mean he is changing his preference, ever hear the saying love is blind?

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I don't think that's an accurate phrase. Love is not blind. People are blind. If they overlook flaws and things that bother them about someone, it's not becuase of love it's becuase they choose to blind to it and unrealistic. Truth is Love sees better than any of us and makes no judgements on things as trivial as appearance or otherwises, it just is. You either love someone or you don't. But keep in mind, love =/= attractions. Attraction, physical or otherwise is just that, attraction. I may be attracted to one person but that does not mean I have to love them nor will i choose to. That's where people get in trouble. They base whether the love someone on the attraction alone, and when things change in this area, they mistake it for no longer loving that person but truth is, love is the opposite of that. It's that you remain with that person, continue to choose to love them even when it's not all great, the fire of passion has dimmed and God forbid the person isn't going to forever be the most attractive person in the world either.

LOVE IS NOT BLIND, no, not at all.

[MollyGroove]

Originally Posted by s4ndm4n2006

I don't think that's an accurate phrase. Love is not blind. People are blind. If they overlook flaws and things that bother them about someone, it's not becuase of love it's becuase they choose to blind to it and unrealistic. Truth is Love sees better than any of us and makes no judgements on things as trivial as appearance or otherwises, it just is. You either love someone or you don't. But keep in mind, love =/= attractions. Attraction, physical or otherwise is just that, attraction. I may be attracted to one person but that does not mean I have to love them nor will i choose to. That's where people get in trouble. They base whether the love someone on the attraction alone, and when things change in this area, they mistake it for no longer loving that person but truth is, love is the opposite of that. It's that you remain with that person, continue to choose to love them even when it's not all great, the fire of passion has dimmed and God forbid the person isn't going to forever be the most attractive person in the world either.

LOVE IS NOT BLIND, no, not at all.

Could not have said it any better or agree more!