Cause of Breakdown

New thread and update:

Have seen my partner's father today. He collected birthday cards and presents to take to the hospital.

Offered him a cuppa, didn't expect him to accept, but he did and came in for a chat.....I was on my own today (no mum or sister here).

He was a different man with me today. Initially we had a general chit chat and then he asked me if I wanted to see my partner. I replied yes of course but I doubt he is ever going to see me...is he??

He said I think he is very nervous.....but I know he definitely would like to see you. I asked him why is he so nervous....I laughed and said its not like I am going to see him and start shouting at him . He said I really think that he thinks you will. So I told him to just reassure him that I would not behave like that and I said that I had hoped that he would see me, afterall we are going to have to see each other at some point and I had hoped that he would have done this whilst he was in hospital, and had the support of therapists etc there for him to make it easier.

His father agreed with me and said that made sense to him and that he would speak to his son today and say the same thing and reassure him. He reiterated that he knew he wanted to see me.

He then said to me......I have been to the flat and I found mounds of letters with bills unpaid and mortgage payments behind schedule and they are threatening bailiffs and repossession. I have contacted them and they are on hold but I think the best solution is to sell the flat or rent out but fear that it is too late renting.

His father said to me I had no idea. I replied I didn't either, but he had been made redundant for along time and then got a job just as I started to see him and then didn't get his contract renewed after first 6 months so it made sense he would probably have debts etc.

I think his father realised the cause of breakdown as he said that is probably why he has had his mobile switched off and not answering messages etc I have spoken with him and that is what he is saying and it makes sense as I have seen the threatening letters.

It does make sense to me too. This would also explain his mobile being constantly switched off and not answering call in front of me. Also why he didn't leave his mobile with me on the Monday. It would also explain him deleting internet history if he had been looking up bankruptcy and mortgage repossession etc.

He said that his son had not wanted to bother me with it all as I was pregnant and did not want to worry me. Instead I have been thinking he is having an affair.......looking at porn.....internet relationship.....mobile messages from work colleague .....all kinds of terrible things.

I said to his father look just tell him that he has a home here and not to worry and I wish he had just told me. I explained that I understood as I had been through terrible marriage breakdown.....my mum and dad having cancer etc and understood life throws all kinds at you and its difficult to cope....especially by yourself.....but with help of family you can get through.

His dad thanked me and said that he would help him with the flat and selling etc or look at alternatives. He was sure that his son just wanted me a family and hopefully get back to how it was before all this.

I just said to him that I had hoped he would have come on the Monday and all this would have been sorted and avoided, he said that on the Monday he had taken himself to GP and was admitted to hospital. His son had gone to GP as he didn't want to burden me with it all as I was 8 months pregnant.

He ended that he hoped his son would see me soon and that we could start rebuilding our relationship and family and that he would have a long talk with him this afternoon.

I think his father initially thought that me ending the relationship had caused the breakdown......hence the slight reluctance to talk properly with me.....then when he told me about breakdown he probably thought I was going to run a mile......and that I wouldn't contact them again.

I think he has seen it has been building due to financial problems and stress and avoidance of dealing with issues due to lack of support from family and me (as he hasn't told me or them) that has resulted in breakdown and that now I know all I haven't run a mile and have reiterated that I am here for the long haul not just the good times.

I just said to him that we should be enjoying this time waiting for baby and arrival of baby and not all this and for him to see me and then we can start moving forward and working to sort it all out and support him.

I said that I have said I will see him but I can't make him see me. His father reassured me that he would speak to him today.

So there we are.........his father came with a Christmas card for me and the girls from himself and his wife ....I said to him I had presents for them all including his sister and family who are over from Australia for Christmas and I would arrange to give them nearer the time. He said I hope this can be sorted so that we can spend time as a family together over Christmas.....I just said well lets hope so.

Feel happier tonight......maybe there is hope for the future.....it will take time and be emotional but worth it for family and children involved and hopefully will improve our communication and build a stronger relationship between us.

He just has to get in touch and arrange contact now..........many thanks for continued support on here x

OMG that is great news...well I guess great is not really the word, but the financial distress certainly explains everything! My husband and I had to file for bankruptcy 10 years ago thanks to the economy and I will say that it was the most stressful and humiliating thing I have ever been through. I think all will be ok for you and that you will now be able to start anew. Happy thoughts and hugs your way!!

middie, i think you need to be really careful to not let yourself believe what you want to believe over whatever the truth of this situation really is. i have no idea if your fiance cheated on you but it sounds like this is just his father guessing as to what caused the breakdown. it doesn't sound like your fiance told his dad this is why he broke down. i am very concerned for you because this man knocked you over at 8 months pregnant and drove and walked off. please do not be in a rush to take him back until you know the full story and he takes responsibility for his actions. what he did to you is quite serious.

Thanks blur......I don't think his dad is guessing.....my partner does talk to his dad and has been talking to him.

As for the cheating.....I really don't think that he was with work colleague, I think I was putting two and two together and making 15!!! especially with the mobile thing and internet aswell. He flatly denied it all and always has. He could have taken the easy option and said he had been cheating as I had made it clear that I was prepared to work things through in our relationship with him.

Clearly, he would not admit to doing something that he wasn't doing, just to take the easy option.

I really don't think his dad would have come over and talked to me if he hadn't discussed things with his son.

As for the knocking me over, he did not push me, I had his mobile and he was trying to get it out of my hands.......he has never been violent with me or even shouted or raised his voice. This was completely out of character for him and if he is being chased by bailiffs and mortgage company etc then it is understandable that he would not want me to have it. Hence why he couldn't leave it with me Monday.

I am not making excuses for him or his behaviour, we have a long way to go....if at all.....there is a lot to talk about and sort out.....that's if he even has any contact with me at all in the first place.

At the end of the day, we are having a new baby daughter together and the least we can do is sort things and have a relationship where we can bring her up together as her parents be that together or co-parenting.

Lack of communication has been our problem and is something we need to sort out and work on for the future.

I have been in a violent and abusive relationship before with a very controlling man and I know the difference. I didn't jump into another relationship. It took 6years of healing and counselling and enjoying being single, and building a new life for myself and my children.

I enjoyed my single life and I enjoy my independence. I would never consider marriage again as I am happy with my life and having a partner. He has always been fantastic with my children and supports them better than their father does. We have been together for two years and we didn't rush into a relationship together or trying for a baby.

My daughter was shouting at him to "go away" and I feel that is why he went away as he did not know what to do. He text me to apologise that night and called me and then came down the next day, although I didn't see him as I went to hospital.

Like I say he has never been violent or aggressive before, it is not his nature. I do know violent and aggressive and abusive and if I had believed that night that he was I would have called the police myself as I did do with my ex husband and would not have hesitated!

Thanks for your support and advice and caution, it is safely stored on board....x