[Kat188743343]

Heya,

Last night I finally told my partner of 7yrs that if he doesn't get help, I will walk away. Phew. It's taken me over 6months to get the courage to say that... I'm worried now that I will cave in and get conned into letting things slide again. He doesn't work at the moment, and says he is depressed. Which I understand I do. But he also has a drink problem (which he won't admit to) and can get nasty verbally and quite scary. So I confronted him with this after the latest instalment of how horrible a girlfriend I am etc. At the moment it's going ok...he is saying the right things and willing to go to the doctor, but he is out in the pub tonight and I'm a bit nervous. So how do I stay strong? Any tips on not letting myself get talked down would be appreciated! Thanks

[kaliope]

I always thought it was awful because I try to be an optimist, but it worked for me to get out of a unhealthy relationship. I compiled a list of all the negative things my partner did and I referred to that list every time I found myself getting weak and ready to cave. I said to myself, how could he love me when he did x, y and z. it worked and I was able to stick with my convictions. good luck and take care.

[healingme4me]

He's just appeasing you, by saying the right things, it's temporary.

Can say, I can not be present in a relationship, where, I am being called names, and list all the ways he is hurting you. You seem unable to continue a relationship, where your basic human relationship need is to be treated with respect. (and all other unmet needs). You are carrying on a relationship where he chooses dysfunction over wellness.

Have you ever read, The Alcoholic Wife(i think that's the title or it's with an apostrophe-s. )?

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[Kat188743343]

Originally Posted by kaliope

I always thought it was awful because I try to be an optimist, but it worked for me to get out of a unhealthy relationship. I compiled a list of all the negative things my partner did and I referred to that list every time I found myself getting weak and ready to cave. I said to myself, how could he love me when he did x, y and z. it worked and I was able to stick with my convictions. good luck and take care.

I know in my heart that things won't change, and I guess I feel guilty about giving false hope....but I can't just walk away without trying to help. A list is a helpful idea thanks, as I struggle to hold on to my anger etc and find myself once again trying to 'fix' things. It's not easy for me to leave physically either...we share a house, his son lives with us,I have no where to go and no money. If I don't do this in the right way things could get bad very very fast...

[RomanSunburn]

I think you need to put a time limit. He needs to be in treatment by such and such a date. And in the mean time, start preparing to leave without telling him. Hopefully, he'll get in treatment and you won't have to use it, but it'll still be good to have a backup plan for the future.